The Other Life
by DesertTwilight
Summary: ON HIATUS. It's been 15 years since Bella and Edward's relationship crumbled. An unexpected holiday meeting with Charlie Swan, his grandson, Jake, and Alice opens up old wounds and a mystery behind what happened to Bella after she left Edward. AU Human, OOC.
1. Chapter 1

Lily Whitlock stood at the magazine rack of the grocery store, reading the headlines of tabloid weeklies and the depressing state of affairs on the more serious news magazines. It was all the same: scandal and heartbreak, far too serious for her thirteen year old heart. Lily was a small thin girl with her father's blue eyes and mother's jet black hair. She had her mother's pixie build but was shy, centered more like her father, except today she was annoyed with her life.

Where was the fashion magazines aunt Rose wanted? She moved away from the racks and wandered over toward the produce section in hopes of finding her mom, Alice. Thanksgiving in Forks was not her idea of a fun holiday. Her friends sent her text messages of all the fun, all the drama going on at home. Thinking wistfully of the parties they were going to go to back in Seattle, Lily silently huffed in frustration of this imposed "family time" with her extended family. Thanksgiving in Forks. Teenage translation: BORING.

Although Lily loved her grandparents, Carlisle and Esme, the annual thanksgiving visit was so anticlimactic for her. For her parents, Jasper and Alice, this was the best time of the year. It was a real family reunion. Her mom was always so excited, childlike in her enthusiasm. She seemed more energetic and happy as the holiday got closer. Her dad still thought his wife so sweet and thoughtful as she planned every detail for their celebration. Lily thought her mom made Martha Stewart look lazy in comparison. Even when her mom's plans were so outlandish, her dad still looked at her mom with complete adoration it made her want to cringe. Gross. Thinking of her parents still so in love and so affectionate now made her physically sick. Don't they know only teenagers are supposed to act like teenagers?

Her Aunt Rosalie and Uncle Emmet were no better. She once walked in on them making out in the pantry when she went looking for some extra napkins. Yuck. That was horrible. She felt sorry for their sons, Kyle and Liam. At least her uncle Emmett was good for a laugh. He was the "fun" uncle, always ready with funny stories or cool games. He would round up her and her cousins and take them to the movies or some cool comic store in Port Angeles. Her other uncle and aunt were another story. Uncle Edward and Aunt Tanya were the "stick in the mud" relatives. They didn't have any kids and she wondered if they would've been happier if they did. Too late now because for the past few years they barely seemed to smile or enjoy themselves during the family holiday. Lily doubted they even slept in the same house the way they seemed to freeze over when they got close. It was like watching someone with a terrible toothache going to the dentist for the first time: painful. Lily remembered one year that Uncle Edward came alone for the holidays because Aunt Tanya had an 'emergency at work' and had to stay in San Francisco. That was the first year she really saw her uncle happy and smiling. It was also the first time she actually thought he might be a nice guy, and he certainly had a killer smile. It was sort of like a sexy, crooked smirk. Eww. Lily shivered in disgust. She definitely shouldn't be thinking 'sexy' and uncle in the same thought. Gross. But thinking of her uncle's smile was what got her attention.

Standing next to a big display of citrus was Sherriff Swan and a tall teenage boy she'd never seen before. The dark haired boy had just turned away from her when she cleared the edge of the potato section, smiling that familiar sexy smirk at the sheriff and putting back some of the fruit. Lily watched them quietly, not really sure why she was interested in the boy except to say he was nice to look at, and that was better entertainment than tabloid magazines right now. She couldn't hear what they were saying but Charlie Swan seemed to blush and laugh to himself as the boy said something obviously funny to him.

Lily took a closer look at the boy. He was about six feet tall, lean, and had long dark hair that hung down his back in a ponytail. He wore jeans and a maroon longs sleeve shirt with the sleeves pushed up to his elbows. Although the weather was cold outside, he didn't seem to have a jacket which was weird to Lily. Who doesn't wear a parka in November in Washington? What a beautiful boy, but obviously an idiot. Too bad. She didn't get another good look at his face, but his clothes gave him a carefree look, casual and relaxed. He didn't seem to pay attention to the latest clothing trends, but looked good in the classic jeans and a t-shirt. Obviously, he was not a local, too tan for Forks. The two strolled away from her, which Lily found momentarily frustrating. She really wanted to know who this boy was.

Lilly suddenly felt a tickling tug on her waist. She jumped but was able to stifle a shriek. Her mom had snuck up behind her peeking over the potato display. Alice giggled at her daughter's reaction, truly happy to be able to still catch her by surprise. Lily had recently moved into teenage land where parental units seem so inferior and unreasonable. It wasn't often that Lily was that silly, funny, goofy girl that melted the hearts of the older Cullens. Now she was Lily, the eternally bored. It was hard to let go of the only baby girl in the Cullen family, harder to watch her harden into a polite stranger. Alice sighed and smiled longingly for that sweet baby girl she once cradled in her arms.

"What's got you so interested in the produce, Lily?" Alice asked.

"Mom… do you know that boy with Sherriff Swan? I don't recognize him, and I think I know most of the kids around here thanks to all those never-ending play dates you set up when I was a kid." Lily pointed at the two men.

"Lily Bell, you are still a kid."

"Mom," Lily whined. "Never mind."

Alice stood still for a moment and watched Charlie Swan with the boy quietly chuckling, taking in the manner in which the boy talked to Charlie, his body language relaxed. Strange how Alice had never seen this kid around or heard of any extended family of the Swans. It was only Bella and Charlie for as long as Alice could remember. Maybe he was a family friend. Charlie was very close with the Quileutes, and this boy could pass for a tribal member. Maybe he was one of the Blacks' relatives. There was only one way to find out.

Oh my god, Lily thought. Here goes my mom, getting right to the bottom of a mystery. Lily watched her mom push her cart full of Thanksgiving fixings over to say hi to Sheriff Swan. To avoid what would probably be an embarrassing encounter, Lily followed her mom hoping she wouldn't reveal how she was spying on them from a pile of potatoes. Can you die from embarrassment? Lily hoped she wouldn't find out today.

As they got closer, Alice spoke.

"Charlie Swan? Is that you? My goodness, you get more handsome every time I see you!"

"Alice Cullen? What a surprise! How are you, my dear? It's been years since I laid eyes on you!" Charlie responded, truly shocked to see Alice. Alice bounced into his arms for a hug. Lily rolled her eyes at her mom. The boy grinned.

"I'm great! It's Alice Whitlock now, and geez, how long has it been?"

"You are too kind, Alice. You were always my favorite girl. It's been too long it seems. A lot has changed as it should. I guess that means you married Jasper. Congratulations."

The teenage boy watched Alice and Lily, curiously. He seemed interested, and he smiled that handsome smile that disarmed Lily earlier. Alice suddenly stiffened. The boy frowned a little in response to Alice. Charlie immediately saw Alice's glance at his companion, and introduced him.

"Alice, this is my grandson, Jake Swan. He's Bella's son here to visit me for the holiday." Charlie looked a bit uncomfortable but quickly put on a smile. Remembering a heated conversation he had with Bella about Jake long ago, he was suddenly unsure how close Alice and Bella were now or how much Alice knew. He was guessing they hadn't spoken in years by the look Alice was giving Bella's son.

Alice stared at him for a moment. This was the first time she got a really good look at the boy. He was barely a boy anymore, closer to man by his looks. Bella has a son. Total mind blower.

Jake held out his hand, and said "Nice to finally meet you Alice. I'm Jake. My mom has had nothing but wonderful things to say about you."

Alice continued to stare at Jake. Bella has a son! I can't believe this! She blinked, stunned.

"Oh, I'm sorry, how rude of me. Jake, it's great to meet you. This is my daughter, Lily" Alice said recovering as she took Jake's hand. His hands were large with long graceful fingers, the tips calloused. His smile was like the sun coming out from behind the clouds, so warm.

Lily smiled shyly as she met Jake's eyes. Those eyes would have been unexpected if Lily hadn't seen such bright green eyes before. His eyes were like emerald pools, so intense and yet so gentle.

"Wow. Forgive me Jake but I am still surprised to hear of Bella being a mom. It's a bit to wrap my head around. "Alice held her face in a smile as she took Jake in.

Alice felt a sudden sharp sting in her heart. This was another slap in the hurt of Bella suddenly falling out of her life so many years ago. Alice and Bella were once best friends. Bella dated Edward for three years in high school and a few years into college. They were crazy in love. For all she knew, Bella should have been her sister-in-law and Jake her nephew but here was a huge canyon of pain here, as black as space, and definitely as cold. Then, Bella was gone and Edward never really told her what happened. She knew Tanya has some part of this. She had to admit Bella sure knew how to walk away 

and empty the place in Alice's heart she held for her once best friend. She didn't even want to know how it affected Edward. Bella had removed herself so well from the Cullen life that they had no idea she had a son.

"Well, mom was never one to lay her life out there for everyone to see. She keeps things close to her, not revealing much of her personal life. I'm not that surprised anymore. She can be so open to world experience, then totally shut down when she wants no one to know what she's thinking or feeling. I think I see through her better than most; she doesn't like it. She's funny that way, but I couldn't ask for a better mother." Alice could see Jake really loved his mom. Jake spoke so respectfully of Bella, like he really understood her logic and accepted the reasons for her choices.

Bella, closed off? She was always so easy to read, Alice thought. This startling reveal was like opening a fresh wound. Alice would not let it go because it would only hurt her more if she ignored the demise of her friendship, like emotional sepsis.

"Well Alice, Jake and I have to be heading out now if we're going to make it down to La Push for dinner. It was so wonderful to see you again, it touches my heart. Give your family my best." Charlie started to push their cart away.

"I will, Charlie. Jake, it's been amazing to meet you, and tell your mom we miss her. All of us." Alice gave Charlie a meaningful look as Jake smiled that crooked smile again.

"Sure sure."

As Jake and Charlie stood at the checkout line, Alice overheard Jake talking to Charlie from a few lines away.

"Do you think we should tell Dad? I know Mom will not take this well, but I think Dad will know how to tell her we saw Alice Cullen." Jake had a concerned look on his face.

"I have no idea. Maybe you should ask your uncle Jake tonight." Charlie responded.

Alice had to hold on tight to the cart. Her mind was reeling. Who was Jake's dad? She thought it might be Jacob Black, considering his namesake. Obviously, it wasn't Jacob if he was Jake's 'uncle.' This mystery was almost more that she could take. She had to get home and tell someone before smoke started coming out of her ears.

"Mom! Earth to Mom! The ice cream is melting! Are we done here?" Lily said, annoyed.

They quickly paid for their groceries and headed back to the Cullen home. Alice drove like she was evading the law, taking the narrow curves of their private drive at breakneck speeds. Lily was glad she was buckled in tight, as the car seemed to catch air as they came up a small hill before emerging onto the main circular drive in front of the house. The Porsche came to a screeching halt.

Lily launched herself out of the car and was inside before Alice had the engine off. In a daze, Alice composed her thoughts and tried to figure out how to drop this bomb. Yes, it was a bomb and she 

didn't know how her family would react to this news. Thinking a direct approach was best, she got out of the car.

Lily was already in a tirade over her mother's maniac driving when Alice came in with a bag dripping vanilla ice cream. Rose and Esme were in the kitchen prepping food for tomorrow's feast. Esme was mashing fresh pumpkin for a pie and Rose was wiping dry a glass mixing bowl she just washed. They seemed amused by Lily's accounts of that near-death experience.

"Bella Swan has a son. "

Silence. A loud crash sounded as Rose dropped the glass bowl.

"What the hell happened?" Emmett swore as he came into the kitchen from the pantry a moment later.

"Rose! Are you okay?"

Rose and Esme stood still as statues, faces frozen in shock.

"Bella Swan has a son. I just met him at the grocery store. His name is Jake." Alice waited.

Again, stunned silence from the kitchen until Lily jolted them out of their mutual shock.

"What is with this family? So we ran into Mom's old high school friend's kid. So what. It's not cause for familial catatonia!" Lily stared at their open mouths. She shook her head, huffed loudly and quickly stomped out of the room.

Esme pulled up a bar stool for her and Rose and sat down slowly. She had always known Bella had gone on to live her life, without the Cullens. This was just more that she was expecting. In a way, it was strange to think of Bella as anything more than Alice's soul sister and Edward's first love. Bella remained frozen in her memory as that kind, smart girl that loved her children so completely. How her heart broke for them as they seemed to drift away from one another when they were separated by different universities in different states. Alice moved to New York for design school. Edward moved to Palo Alto to attend Stanford. She knew Bella moved to Florida at her mother's insistence, but had always assumed Edward would marry her and bring her home again.

Esme wasn't sure what happened with Bella and Edward, but as time moved forward Edward still spoke of the long distance relationship they tried to maintain. It was tough. Right before Edward started medical school at Stanford, Bella disappeared from his life, and then Tanya surfaced engaged to Edward. It was a terrible loss for Edward, thought Esme. They were so compatible. She couldn't understand what the connection between Edward and Tanya was, but that emotional tie died long ago. They both were barely tolerant of each other. It pained her to know this was not the life she wanted for her son.

"Wow. I can't believe it. Bella's a mom. She had a baby with someone other than Edward. What's wrong with this picture?" said Rose. Emmett stood beside her in his own daze, absently rubbing Rose's back.

"Nothing is wrong with the picture. Although surreal to us, Bella grew up and became the woman we always thought she would be. She just did it without Edward, away from us. I'm sure she's a good parent and wife." Esme thought, why did it hurt to say these words?

"What's he like? What does he look like?" asked Emmett.

Alice thought for a moment, no sure where to start.

"He's beautiful, like Bella. He's tall, taller than Charlie, maybe six feet. Lean, and built like he's an athlete, a swimmer. He has long dark hair the same deep brown as Bella. It's down passed his shoulders. At first, I thought he was Quileute with that beautiful long hair and a hint of a tan, but then he has such stunning green eyes. I overheard him call Jacob Black 'Uncle Jacob', so he's definitely not a Black child. Jake seems very mature, easy going and he spoke so reverently about his mom, like they're really close. The part about meeting Jake that bothered me most, besides the fact we had NO clue he even existed, was he asked Charlie if he should tell Bella he met me; he asked Charlie if he should ask 'dad' what to do first. I can't figure out why Bella would get upset about Jake meeting me." Alice's face twisted in confusion. She shook her head like it would clear up the situation.

"Alice, did he say how Bella was or who is father is?" asked Esme.

"No. He was polite, and seemed to have some clue who I am. I don't think Bella talks about her past much but I'm sure her friends came up at some point. Jake did say that Bella tends to shut out anyone who tries to get too close. She's obviously very guarded about her life now. He also said something about being open to world experiences, so maybe she's enjoying an exciting life. A life with Jake's father…" Alice has a hard time imagining Bella traveling all over the world, so confident and open to new experiences. She was so shy in high school, easy to blush, content not to be in the limelight. This woman Jake described was nothing close to the Bella she knew. That was the point: Alice had no idea what Bella was like now or what she was doing.

"Grandma, do you really want to know what Jake looks like?" asked Lily from the doorway.

"Yes. Why do you ask?" Esme looked lovingly at her only granddaughter.

"I sort of took his picture on my phone when I was watching him with his grandpa." Lily's cheeks turned red with embarrassment.

"Lily! Why didn't you tell me! Give me that phone now!" Alice almost ripped Lily's hand off with her cell phone as she reached for it. Lily could only believe this confirmed her family was crazy, especially her mom. Immediately, Alice was accessing the picture for Esme.

"Wow, he is beautiful. So much of Bella in him, but those eyes aren't hers or Charlie's. They're so green. It almost reminds me of…" Esme trailed of as Rose took the phone and showed Emmett.

Once again, there was total silence. The Cullens shared a meaningful look around the kitchen.

"Don't say it. It can't be, and we certainly can't jump to conclusions about anything" said Alice.

"I know, I know. I just want it to be true no matter how impossible." Esme stared again at the slight smile Lily captured. That smile took her back twenty five years to when Edward was about the same age and build. Her son was so happy then, always a grin on his face.

"Do we tell Edward?" Emmett asked the crucial question weighing on everyone's mind.

"Do we tell Edward what?" Edward said as he walked into the kitchen from the family room.

For a moment, everyone was on edge. This was not the time to bring up a possible unknown Cullen from a long lost love. Quickly, Alice recovered.

"I didn't want to tell you that I couldn't find any fresh green beans for the green bean casserole. I know you it's your favorite. I'm sorry, Edward. No casserole this year."

"Oh. Not a big deal, Alice. It looks like there'll be plenty of food without it. Thanks for thinking of me." Just as he turned to refrigerator for a snack, Tanya walked in behind him.

"Anything I can help with?" she asked, clearly waiting for the late evening when she knew most of the preparations would be complete. Typical Tanya. Her gestures were always halfhearted and insincere. Esme smiled a sad smile at her.

"No, Tanya. We're just about done. You just relax and enjoy yourself."

Alice and Rose both looked away as Tanya surveyed the prep of impending feast. Tanya tried to surpress wrinkling her nose at the traditional Thanksgiving dinner. She always wanted Edward to spend the holidays with her family in California, instead of traveling to the middle of nowhere to eat such a quaint meal. Every year her family spent a fortune on the holidays and had all their parties catered. The events were lavish and a social must for the Bay Area society. Unfortunately, she missed every holiday to spend here, with her in-laws that made her uncomfortable. What a waste, she thought.

"Well, let me know if you need any help, Esme. Edward, I'm going to bed" she said as she headed for the door. Edward didn't turn to acknowledge her. He leaned up against the cabinet, drinking a bottled water. They heard Tanya's stilettos clicking up the stairs to the second floor.

"Just another day in paradise for you, Edward?" Alice jabbed.

"Please don't start. It's the only time I get with the family, away from work and from her life. I just want to enjoy this. It's the only time I have to just be myself. Not Dr. Cullen. Not Tanya Cullen's husband or any other absurd title I might have. Please don't ruin it for me, Alice."

Edward's defensive rant caught then off guard. The frown on Edward's face softened the women in his life. Rose and Alice went to hug their brother and Esme tried not to tear up. Emmett shook his head and reached for an apple on the counter.

"Ed, I don't get why you keep trying. You're so miserable, I can hardly stand it. Why do you stay? I really want to know." Emmett Cullen was the epitome of subtle.

"Emmett, let it go" Edward growled. He realized they knew his marriage was dead, but he couldn't bring himself to acknowledge his failure. It had always been so hard to maintain some sliver of happiness with Tanya, not like the beginning when she was funny and interesting. Tanya was now a hardened socialite, with ridiculous ideas of what was important in life. She did not value is work or his ideals, unless it helped her social status. Her life was so superficial, without heart and definitely without his feelings in mind.

"Alright, that's enough Edward bashing for tonight. Leave my baby boy alone" Esme said as she gathered Edward in a warm hug. She held him like she did when he was a child, recovering from a playground tumble. To her surprise, he hugged her back like his life depended on it.

"Thanks, mom. I missed you so much. " Edward let go and leaned back against the counter again.

"Sure son. I hope you know how much we all love you and only want you happy."

"Yes, I know. " He had nothing left to say for now, so they slowly cleared the kitchen. He didn't want to get into how deeply unhappy he truly was. It was like an underground river, dark and powerful. It was too much for casual conversation and he knew his mother wouldn't let it go easily.

Edward moved to the back door next to the pantry, stepping onto the back porch and the cold November air without his coat. It was so cold and wet. Just like San Francisco. He wondered what the weather was like in Florida right now. He always wondered about Florida, about one particular Floridian. Edward imagined Bella enjoying the sunny days, the balmy nights. He could imagine her tan and healthy looking, smiling into the sun at the beach. Although this was just his imagination, he assumed she was still there close to her family there, working as writer, living her life. He once tried to google her but there were no results. The thought that maybe she was married now crushed anymore attempts at locating her. He didn't want to know if she married, if she had children. It was too painful. It was safer to just keep track of the weather and use his imagination. Less torture.

As the cold sunk into this bones, Edward brought himself back to reality. Tanya was his reality. So long ago, he had to make a choice that was unpleasant. He thought he was doing what was right, doing what was expected of him if his family knew the details. He married Tanya, regardless of how it crushed the love of his life. He never fully disclosed the situation to anyone. Only he, Tanya and Bella knew what happened that summer before medical school. It was so disgraceful, and it would embarrass his family and Tanya's if he didn't marry. How stupid could he be to get involved with Tanya in the first 

place? Stupid enough, he thought. His misery was payment for such a horrible lapse in judgment. Edward could feel another migraine coming on. Wonderful.

Edward sat down on a damp deck chair and closed his eyes. He thought back to that fateful summer so long ago. How he wished things played out differently. He wished he never applied to Stanford, and consequently never met Tanya. Bella urged him to go to the prestigious school, to become the doctor he always hoped to be. He should have gone to Florida. Bella was in college in Florida but would they would fly back and forth trying to foster their relationship. It was hard to keep their relationship on a normal even keel. The distance and absence was too much, and it killed them both. Tanya was attending Stanford and immediately had designs on landing Edward Cullen. For Tanya, Edward came from the right kind of family, since his father Carlisle was one of the most prominent surgeons on the West coast. He was beyond handsome and clearly had brains: the triple threat by her standards. The only complication was his long distance girlfriend, Bella. For Tanya, that was easily dealt with. All it took once she was sure she wanted him permanently was to get him into a compromising situation, and he would take care of the rest. Edward was one of the rare men she knew who believed strongly in a sense of honor. One rowdy fraternity party, a few strong drinks, and a careless night in some random bed was all she needed to secure the kind of man her circles drooled over. She intentionally got pregnant, but told Edward it was accidental. Drunk beyond reason that night, Edward had no one to blame but himself. It was bad enough that he cheated on Bella, but now he was going to be a father. His parents were going to kill him, so he did the only right thing: Edward married Tanya that summer. He felt like the world was ending as he pinned himself under this heavy obligation, crushed by the full weight of his double betrayal.

Edward's migraine began to bloom behind his eyes as he remembered the look on his love's face when he told her about Tanya and the baby. If it was humanly possible to hear someone's heart break, he was sure he heard Bella's. It was beyond pain. Bella ran from his apartment, with only her purse, and went right back to the airport. She flew straight back to Florida and never spoke to him again. She cut herself off from all the Cullens, and that brought more fury from Alice and Esme. Edward didn't have the heart to tell them the whole truth. It was enough that he destroyed Bella with his stupidity. In the aftermath, all he had left of her was the small carry-on bag she accidently left at his apartment that awful day. The bag was carefully hidden in his office, and every now and then when Edward was feeling especially masochistic he would hold her clothes and try to remember how she smelled. He was such a pathetic fool.

Tanya's family was thrilled by their sudden nuptials, and quickly embraced Edward as a part of the Denali clan. James and Victoria Denali were shallow people just like their daughter, so they didn't see Edward past his handsome face. Not sure how to tell his parents about his impending fatherhood, Edward stalled for time. He knew he was a coward. As fate would have it, there was nothing to tell. Tanya's pregnancy was ectopic, and she lost a fallopian tube. As time passed, Edward graduated from medical school, began a residency program in the Bay Area and became a dependable husband.

Much to Tanya's dismay, they were never able to get pregnant again. That one pregnancy was her only clear shot at motherhood. She tried fertility specialist after fertility specialist to no avail. One specialist gave it to her straight: "I'm sorry Mrs. Cullen, but sometimes some couples are just not meant to have children together. Their chemistry is incompatible, and their bodies natural defenses reject each other. That's what's happening now. Your body is defending itself from your husband's sperm, sort of like an invading bacteria or virus. It's killing off healthy sperm." Tanya and Edward sat thunderstruck at the end of the possibility of kids. It was their one united hope to have a child to keep their marriage semi-intact. As that boat drifted away, the wake pushed them farther apart. Now they were house mates, sleeping in separate rooms, had separate lives. But the need for the Denali's to maintain the facade of perfection kept them living this horrible lie. Their whole life was a lie. A big stupid lie Edward couldn't extract himself from because of his foolish pride. He was sure she had lovers, but as long has she was discrete he didn't care. He once proposed divorce and that unleashed such fury from his in-laws at the scandal it would cause. So, that was the state of his life, sitting in the cold as his parents, pretending with Tanya, and imagining Bella's life without him until he had a headache.

As the cold drilled into his head along with the migraine, Edward walked back into the house and searched for his migraine medicine. He took two pills and headed for bed, lying next to his wife he didn't love or even like. The quiet was so loud to him. He wasn't sure if she was asleep. It didn't matter to him. Maybe if he tried hard enough, he could remember one of those sweet nights he spent making out with Bella on the back porch, holding her soft body so close that there was no space between them. Maybe he would even dream about her, feel her kisses on his lips and face, hear her sweet voice saying his name, smelling her delicious scent as she caressed his body. Maybe he would wake up in an alternate universe where she was the woman next to him, sharing his life, loving him completely. That brought a smile to his face. Yes, he was a fool but the dream of that life was far better than his reality. He sunk into sleep with that last thought playing with his mind. Bella, I should never have let you go.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Jacob Charlie Swan stood outside the small wooden house of the Blacks, staring into the evening rain. The sound of water was everywhere around him. The ocean softly lapped at the shore in the distance. The forest made its own music, drumming out its own rhythm of rain water and streams. He could smell the briny breeze move over this land he loved. He loved La Push, remembering the days when he spent his summer breaks here with the Blacks, while his mom was overseas. It was like a second home, restful and warm. Jake spent several summers here enjoying the ocean, the forests and the people he was lucky to call family. Here he was Little Jake, and his uncle was Big Jake to keep the confusion to a minimum. It made him happy to have a niche, to have another place he belonged to.

The land in La Push was so green, so lush and alive. It was nothing like the places in Arizona where he lived now. The desert was endless there, but surprisingly diverse. In Washington, there was an abundance of water, and being a desert dweller, Jake never took that for granted. He never minded the rain, unlike his mom. He remembered her always so tense and irritable coming back here. Grandpa Black used to say it was the weather that made her so moody in La Push. Jake never believed that. The rain in the desert never made her as edgy. Rain in the desert was a gift, something the tribes there prayed for. Rain was a blessing. That small truth always made him smile.

Thinking back to those summers, Jake remembered then that he wondered if he was part Quilieute. Billy and uncle Jake, the man he was named after, treated him as if he was part of the tribe. Uncle Jacob and his mother were very close, had been friends growing up. The potential was there that 'Big Jake' could be his father, but then why was he a 'Swan', and not a Black? He would study his uncle, and search for some physical resemblance. It was possible; Big Jake was tall and lean, and had that same dark hair. It fit in some way, but it was the eyes that always got in the way of that conclusion. Where did the green come from? Charlie's mom had blue eyes, but the Swan genes never carried that trait any further once the chocolate brown genes entered the picture. After as much analysis as his ten year old mind could take, he asked his uncle out right if he was his father.

That day, Charlie, Billy and uncle Jake were out on the ocean. Uncle Jake was trying to teach him how to deep sea fish. The day was slightly overcast, and the air was so humid. The men were getting close to their preferred fishing grounds when Little Jake launched the loaded question.

Billy, Uncle Jake and Charlie rocked back in their seats. Charlie and Uncle Jake exchanged a long quiet look, like they were having a silent conversation. Billy gazed off into the distance, searching for landmarks that triangulated the right fishing spot.

"Little Jake, you could knock me over with a feather right now. Where did that come from?"

"I've been sort of wondering for a while, I think. Mom doesn't really say much about my father, and I thought maybe it's because it should be so obvious that it's you."

"Oh man. How do I answer this?" Jacob Black let out a long sigh, and placed his hand on his nephew's arm.

"Let me ask you this first, Little Jake. Would it matter any if I was?"

"I don't know. Yes. No. I mean, I love you guys already, you're my family. You're already so much like my father." Jake Swan paused. "I just don't understand why there isn't a man out there that wants to claim me as his son."

Little Jake suddenly became very interested in his fishing pole, examining it without really looking at it. His shaggy coffee colored hair ruffled in the breeze, showing off the strange reddish flecks.

"Jacob Swan, I would be the luckiest man on this green earth to call you mine. Any sane man would be honored. But, the truth is I can't tell you I am your biological father because I'm not. It doesn't change the fact that I love you like you are my boy, the best boy I ever met. I hope you know that I'll always be here for you, like a father if you need me."

"I know." Little Jake tried to keep the wetness leaking from his eyes. It was a guy thing. He didn't want these men to think he was weak.

"I know it's sort of crappy for me to complain like I'm some orphan because I'm not. I know there are men in my life like fathers and uncles that watch out over me, so don't think I'm ungrateful. I just can't help but wonder. I did ask dad this too, and he just said there was a man mom loved once but he broke her heart, and then maybe he died in Africa of malaria. Or maybe it was he died of malaria and it broke mom's heart. I don't really remember; it was confusing. It was just the way Laurent talked about this man, like he wasn't sure either and it made me doubt that the he was my real father. "

Jake knew Laurent wasn't his real father. The differences in their hair, eye color, and body type didn't match. At first, Jake didn't really notice this. Laurent was lean and fit but short, with dark blonde hair and blue eyes. It wasn't until his science class was blood typing and discussing genes that his parentage came up. Jake was A negative, like his mom. Laurent was O positive. His parents were unprepared to have that conversation when he got home. The stunning news threw Jake for a loop. Jake eventually asked his dad if he was his biological father. Their conversation went along the same lines, with Laurent wishing he was this wonderful boy's parent and pledging to always love him like he was. In Laurent's eyes, Jake would always be his son. Always and forever.

The trio of grown men sat in their own thoughts of Bella's heartbreak. Each knew a part of the whole story, but not the why. Was it fair to be the bearers of secondhand news of this importance? Charlie remembered Bella graduating from college early, and took a semester to study languages abroad. Before that trip, she was already constantly flying across country to see her boyfriend in California so the traveling bug was nothing new for her. Before she left for Europe, she came home from California another person. She tried to be herself, but the buoyancy of her spirit was gone. She only said her relationship was over. Four months later, Bella came home a bit rounder and had a new man in her life: Laurent St. Martin, a young French doctor.

To Charlie's great surprise, they were already married when he met Laurent. Bella had met him while attending a poetry reading that was raising money for humanitarian efforts in Africa. Laurent and 

Bella spent many hours discussing the horrid situation in Sudan, how he was involved with Doctors without Borders. The St. Martin family was an old established French family with a lot of money, but that didn't matter to Laurent or Bella very much unless it helped them fund programs they worked on in Africa. This greater outlook of the world, the unparalleled inequality of basic living standards, the violent upheaval that tore countries apart really brought the couple together. Bella's caring nature and unselfish heart made her a natural draw for Laurent. She was the best parts of a woman he wanted to be with. Laurent knew Bella was on the rebound, looking for something to throw her efforts and heart into. He loved her regardless, and true to form, he loved the baggage she brought with her, agreeable to keep her secrets for her. Jacob Charlie Swan was born in Paris, and was the first St. Martin boy born in years. Charlie was skeptical—he did the math and it didn't add up for him, but he kept quiet for Bella's sake. It didn't matter to Laurent; he was thrilled. Laurent became an instant father, but a committed one nonetheless. He loved Jake from day one, but Bella insisted Jake be named Swan, not St. Martin. The gesture was for her dad; his grandson would carry on the Swan name.

Jake knew his mom loved Laurent, they had remained married for six years before Bella decided it was time to stop going through the motions of marriage. It wasn't fair to her husband, and in the past few years they were more colleagues than lovers. They were instrumental in creating HIV and vaccination clinics in Africa, but their son needed a more stable life with parents there all the time. In the beginning, Bella stayed in France working the administrative end of the humanitarian effort while Laurent worked in the field. Bella decided her energy would better be served working alongside her husband, instead of writing. She applied to medical school in Florida and was accepted. She plowed through the rigorous curriculum, finished her residency in pediatrics and followed Laurent to Africa.

Jake remembered the long separations from his parents. He was in an American school in France, but it was lonely. He missed his American grandparents, so Bella arranged for Jake to attend school in Florida and spend the summers in Washington with Charlie. She would visit as often as possible but her life was so unpredictable. Laurent stayed in Europe when he wasn't in the field working, and spent less and less time with his wife. They felt the end of their life together coming closer and closer. Bella and Laurent had a strong mutual respect for each other so the dissolution of their marriage wasn't messy or agonizing. It was sad for them, like losing something precious, but if they wanted to stay on friendly terms, the divorce was necessary. Jake did suffer the loss of a father figure, but they were close enough that Jake still called him Dad. He spent part of his summers and breaks in France with his dad if Laurent wasn't working.

Otherwise, Bella and her son lived their new life together alone. They landed in Arizona, a fresh start. Bella got a job working in a mobile clinic that treated mostly migrant workers and the homeless. She was always drawn to that refugee type atmosphere; it reminded her of the days in Africa. She loved her job, loved making a difference in people's lives, no matter how small.

Staring out into the rain, Jake marveled at the amazing woman his mother was. She was Superwoman to him, so strong, smart and so compassionate. Bella had taught her son to value human life, to take the time to get to know different cultures, their beliefs and customs. She taught him to be open to life. He took everything she did for them to heart. She loved him like no one else, 

unconditionally. She protected him like a grizzly mother, always there to keep him safe. She was his rock, constant and unmoving.

Yet there were questions that plagued him. Why did the past unglue her like nothing else? Why was she so secretive? Why would meeting one of the Cullens unsettle her? Who were these people that made her uneasy? They were all friends once, right? So, why did this not feel right? There was more to this than she would tell, and it was enough that he needed to know. This chance meeting with Alice and Lily Whitlock was the key.

The cold was finally getting to Jake. He walked back into the small house and joined the pack of friends and family gathered there. They welcomed him with hugs and kisses. Looking back into the night, Jake knew this life he had was going to change again soon. Maybe this time everything would be clear and make sense. Maybe now was the time his whole story would be revealed. He was ready for it, and it was time to seek out some truth.


	3. Chapter 3

AN: I meant to make this note at the beginning of the story, but since I am new to writing for fanfiction, I am still trying to figure stuff out. First of all, this is my first attempt at a story here, and I have no beta. Forgive the errors, please. I'll also try to update often, but make no guarantees. I know how frustrating it is to wait for updates so I'll try to make it as painless as possible.

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Now, back to the story.

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Thanksgiving morning arrived quietly with the sun making a surprise appearance. Alice sat outside to greet the delicate pink light, drinking in the warmth. Unable to sleep well, she had been awake for hours. She sat on the same deck chair her twin brother, Edward, had inhabited often when he was young. Wrapping her husband's rain coat around her knees she sipped her strong cup of Italian caffeine. This would not have been unusual for the family celebration since it was normal for Alice to buzz around the kitchen for hours preparing a mouth-watering meal. But, the revelation of this amazing fact festered in her mind and imagination at incredible pace, growing tentacles of possibilities that now overtook her whole brain. With the second cappuccino finished, she sat back and catalogued yesterday's events, examining each detail.

Bella Swan has a son, a tall handsome teenage son. He was probably around fifteen, but looked like he was very mature for his age. His resemblance to Bella was strong, but whoever his father was, his genes blended nicely. The strongest trait was those eyes. The deep green eyes were the key. Strange pieces of the encounter were Charlie's discomfort disclosing his grandson and Jake's concern for making his mom upset when he told her about their introduction. What's up with that? It was too weird for Alice. Too painful.

Alice remembered the strong bond she had with Bella as a teenager, the countless hours Bella spent in the Cullen home with her or her brother. They were like the three musketeers; they were so close. Bella was very much her sister, and should have become her sister-in-law, but going away to different schools had become this cruel challenge at friendship. They all spent a ridiculous amount on airfare, on phone calls trying to keep the bonds intact. It was like building an elaborate sand castle in a flood plain – a lot of effort easily swept away once the rain started. It killed all of them. By the time they were into their last year of college, Alice and Bella were still friends but not nearly as close, exchanging greeting cards, birthday letters and had brief visits. It was nearly impossible to keep that special bond that everyday contact brought.

In a last ditch effort to keep them as close as when they were in high school, Alice spent her spring break with Bella in Florida. That was not the visit she hoped for. Bella's break was a week later then Alice's, and Alice spent little time with Bella since Bella was working part-time as a tutor in addition to carrying 18 credits that semester. Aside from meals, Alice spent a lot of time alone, occasionally studying with Bella or sightseeing. Alice could see Bella was under intense pressure with her work load and didn't push her to open up. They did catch up on their lives, but it wasn't the same. She was happy to know her relationship with Edward was fairly better than theirs. Edward and Bella had the same break so he flew into Florida and they spent some much needed quality time together.

As a few wispy clouds clung to the sky, Alice's thoughts drifted back to yesterday. What happened that brought this reality into place? Edward and Bella were supposed to be together; _they belonged together_. She never met any two people more meant for one another, with the exception of her parents or her and her husband. It was never in the Cullen nature to 'settle' when it came to love, and clearly her twin had done that. Edward chose Tanya. His decision never felt right to her; it seemed like blasphemy in the face of true love. What the hell happened between Edward and Bella? That question left a bitter taste in her mouth. Or, maybe that was the strong coffee.

The door to the back porch opened up and she was joined by Jasper. In all the years she knew Jasper, she was still so overwhelmed by her love for him. His honey blonde hair was a little shorter than when she met him, but it still had that slight wave and the longer strands fell fashionable into his eyes. Jasper was still the tall, athletic man thanks to his love of hiking and his marathon 'hobby,' always trying to stay in shape for any races close by. She felt the same thrill move through her as she did when they were teenagers. They were magic together.

His clear intense blue eyes were focused on her, and they crinkled into a concerned smile as he found hers. Alice's lack of restful sleep did not go unnoticed. After she filled him in on her surprise meeting yesterday, Jasper was concerned for his family. His perceptive nature allowed him to 'taste' the emotional climate of those around him, and hearing about Jake Swan was making everyone a little distracted and edgy. The usual family gathering was already somewhat painful, thanks to Edward and Tanya's dysfunctional relationship but they were generally able to have a good time regardless. He hoped it the news wouldn't make things worse this year.

"Beautiful morning." Alice stood up and Jasper gathered her in his arms. They sat back down together in the chair, Alice in his lap.

"Yes, it is" Alice replied.

"It was a rough night for you, love. You tossed and turned so much I thought you were dancing in your sleep." Jasper smirked as he nuzzled his face into his wife's hair.

"Yeah, it was. I just couldn't get Jake and Bella out of my mind. They danced around my head all night. Maybe I was trying to join them in the dance." Alice half giggled at the thought.

"Well, that would explain a lot. But, I don't think that was exactly the case." Jasper kissed the top of her forehead as she curled further into him.

"I know. It is bugging me so much, like important details are missing." Alice paused, thinking of her friend. "Why would she keep this from me? We were best friends, Jasper. Even though we weren't close toward the end, I don't get it. She could have sent me a baby announcement, a letter, made a call, anything to let me know. Just overhearing Jake talk about Bella finding out we met hurt my feelings. It was like a hard slap. She intentionally kept this from _me_, her friend. I mean, I sent her a wedding invitation, baby announcements, pictures, and it was like I sent to a stranger."

Alice slouched further into her husband, her anchor, for comfort and it made her feel like a child. "I know she probably didn't want to run the risk of seeing Edward again after they broke up. I get that. But she still could have told me what was going on in her life. _I am not Edward. I did not break her heart_. _I was always her friend."_

"I know darlin. I know. Maybe you could try to see it from her point of view. Bella was always one to try to spare anyone any pain if she could. Maybe she thought it would hurt someone she loved to keep us involved. It might not be about us or even Edward specifically. Maybe it was about trying to give her new relationship a chance. I don't know; I'm guessing here but you know Bella never had a malicious bone in her body. She must have had a good reason." Jasper rubbed Alice's back in soothing circles, trying to help her resolve her hurt.

Alice let the slow rise and fall of her husband's breathing sink into her. He always knew how to get her to take a different perspective when something bothered her. He made some sense, but it didn't quite erase the small voice inside her that told her something wasn't right.

"Yeah, she must have had her reasons, but she should've known I would have kept anything she didn't want Edward to know to myself. I would always support her decisions, always be there if she needed me. I can't stand the fact that she didn't seem to need me in all these years. I definitely could have used her in my life for girl support when life got confusing or messy. Since she's a mother, we could have definitely had mommy time, being there for each other when parenthood seemed so crazy hard." Silence again.

"Jasper, I just feel so hurt. Hurt because she disappeared from my life, hurt because she kept her life a secret from me. I am just a little heart sick she didn't trust me enough to let me in at all."

Jasper let her talk, wiped away the tears escaping her glistening eyes. He closed his own eyes and held her tight, trying to absorb any pain she had to help her bear the load. They sat there for a long while, not keeping track of time. The sun began to brighten the forest, as they heard the rest of the family moving around inside the enormous house.

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Esme and Carlisle were sharing their own quiet morning, moving around their bedroom in their morning routines. They had their own discussion regarding Jake Swan last night in bed. Esme echoed Alice's questions, felt some of the same shock and hurt for the secret Bella kept. As a mother, she saw things a little differently.

Her instincts told her what happened between Bella and Edward. She had always had suspicions about their break-up, and Edward's hasty engagement. Bella's child seemed to have some part in this. Did Bella fall in love with someone else and become pregnant before breaking up with Edward? That just didn't seem right, but the math seemed to work out. They broke up the summer Edward started medical school. She could have gotten pregnant around that time. Even though the scenario seemed to make sense, it still didn't seem like something Bella would ever do. She would never betray Edward. Unless…

Unless Edward had betrayed her first. Maybe it really wasn't a betrayal but her moving on. That thought came to her like an electric shock. Edward must have broken _her_ heart first, somehow betrayed her love. It would explain how Bella seemed to disappear from their lives, like she never existed. Any letters they sent her were stamped "return to sender," she had changes her phone numbers and her parents basically pretended they knew nothing and took messages she never returned. It was a very frustrating and painful time. Edward was devastated, and had tried to reach out to her more than a few times. He never explained the circumstances for their break, but had been so crushed by Bella's disappearance. He thought he might at least get to make amends at Alice's wedding, but the invitation was sent back.

Esme chewed her lip as she blankly surveyed her shoe collection.

"Dear, what are you thinking about?" asked Carlisle.

"I think I might know why we never heard from Bella again after the break-up. And I think our son may have more to do with her secret than we thought possible."

"What do you mean? How does this involve Edward further than her disappearing from our lives?" Carlisle was intrigued, concerned with the grimace on his beautiful wife's face.

"Do you remember how shocked we were when Edward suddenly got engaged to Tanya? We all suspected Tanya somehow was involved in Edward and Bella's break up. What if something happened between Edward and Tanya that caused the break-up, something that would have forced Edward's hand?"

"Like what? Are you saying Edward might have cheated on Bella??" Carlisle became agitated at the thought.

"I'm not saying anything exactly. I am just trying to understand the reason behind the secrets. What would drive a woman like Bella to run away from our son, possibly end up pregnant soon after the relationship was over. She obviously felt their relationship was beyond redemption if she was able to start a life so quickly with someone else. Literally, she created a _life_ almost the moment he broke her heart. Why would she do that, Carlisle? This is Bella we're talking about. We knew this girl long before she was in love with Edward. This is not the logic Bella would take unless she was terribly hurt."

Carlisle sat back on their large bed and thought it out. He always knew there had to be more to the story behind Edward and Tanya's marriage. They just didn't seem to fit together. Maybe they were happy in the beginning but it only truly lasted a few months before Edward started to withdraw. He was half himself with Bella gone.

"Carlisle, I love our son with all my heart and soul, and I would trade my life for his in a heartbeat if he were ever hurt. But, I think he did something so terrible to that girl that she ran away, as far away as possible." She paused for a moment, taking a breath as her thoughts came together like pieces of a puzzle. "And, call me crazy but I think she didn't run away with just a broken heart. I think Bella ran away with our grandchild."

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Jake woke up with a start. He was in the middle of an intense dream about vampires stalking him. There was something about werewolves and an epic fight in the forest. In a strange twist, he thought he was watching the battle from some bleachers like it was a sports event, with the whole Cullen family cheering on the vampires. Totally weird.

Then Jake remembered he was watching some old horror movie with his Quileute cousins last night after dinner while the adults fell into conversation about some of the tribal councils recent decisions. His cousin Quil Jr. started talking about the old tribal legends after the movie was over, trying to scare the smaller kids, telling them if they didn't listen to the elders the 'cold ones' would come and drain them dry. His little cousins ran screaming from the room, as Quil Jr's mom, Claire, scolded her son for terrorizing them. Quil Jr. smiled an evil smirk as he walked into the living room, denying any possibility he would ever terrorize anyone. His mom didn't buy it for a moment, and her husband Quil Sr. spent the rest of the evening supervising his son's punishment: washing all the dinner dishes. It was hysterical.

Jake pushed his hair out of his eyes, as he rolled over in bed. He was sleeping in the room that once belonged to his mom when she was his age. The bed was becoming too small for his long frame; his feet would hang over the edge if he stretched all the way out. He gazed over toward the wall opposite the bed. Some of her books were still on the book shelf: her Charlotte Bronte collection and a few reference books. Her old desk still held an ancient computer that was obsolete when she was using it in high school. Jake couldn't imagine how she got any use from that thing. That was _so_ like his mom though; she could make things work no matter how badly in shape things were. She was resourceful, never taking what she had for granted.

Jake missed his mom. Bella was working hard on a new project in rural Arizona, trying to set up a clinic working with homeless shelters. She already treated people at most of the shelters in central Phoenix, but she was trying to set up services in some of the outlying areas which had no immediate access to medical care.

The room was unusually bright when he noticed the blue sky through the window. Jake moved into a sitting position, smiling at the thought of a sunny day during his visit. He hopped out of bed and headed for the bathroom. Once showered and dressed in warmer clothes, he headed downstairs, following the smell of eggs.

Charlie was just turning off the stove top when Jake moved into the small kitchen. He made some pancakes and sausage to go with the eggs.

"Smells good, grandpa. And here mom said I'd have to be prepared to fend for myself."

Charlie laughed. "Well, I can't say that isn't far from the truth unless you like to eat a lot of fish fry. I'm a wiz at cooking anything that I can convince to nibble on my fishing lures."

"I'm game for some seafood anytime you are. Tonight I do plan on roasting a small turkey and pulling together a few sides if you don't mind, grandpa."

"Wow. You can do that kid?" Charlie said with surprise.

"Sure. Can't be much harder than roasting a chicken and dad taught me that skill years ago. I'll make something more familiar than the French sides he liked though. You're probably a purist when it comes to Thanksgiving, with stuffing and potatoes."

"Sounds good, kid. I'll go along with whatever you fix. Except snails. No snails, please."

Jake laughed loudly. "Sure sure, grandpa. I promise no snails"

As he finished two helpings of eggs and pancakes, Jake cleared his dishes and washed them in the sink. Charlie sat at the table, drinking his coffee and watched his grandson.

"Speaking of France, how is your dad doing these days? Did you get a chance to talk to him?" Charlie swirled the last of his coffee in his mug.

"No, I didn't get a chance to call dad. I think he might have flown to Germany for work. He said something about it a couple weeks ago. I'll try his cell later. It's late there now."

"You haven't called your mom yet either." It was a statement, not a question.

Jake stopped washing his utensils for a moment. His back was turned to his grandfather, and he didn't know what to say yet. He quickly rinsed the dishes and turned back to meet his eyes.

Charlie had a stoic look on his face.

"No, I haven't talked to her either." The space between them was filled with thoughts so cloudy, it was like a fog. "I'm not sure what to say yet. All I know is she is going to freak out that we ran into Alice Cullen."

Charlie's face changed into a frown. He hated the way his daughter's life had turned out. Yes, she was doing good work and happy with the profession she was in, but she never got over the pain of losing Edward Cullen. That heartache changed her entirely. She went from such a soft hearted girl full of wonder, to a more distant, practical woman. She became fiercely protective of her life and her son's life. She fought for what she believed in, but had somehow retreated emotionally into herself, building a fortress around her soul. She made herself untouchable to everyone, but her son. She did have compassion for the refugees, the homeless and migrant workers she cared for. She made them feel safe and worthwhile when most of society turned a blind eye to them. Bella had a heart of gold, but the core of her was missing a crucial part she lost so many years ago. Thank goodness for Jake; he was her one person who truly touched her spirit, made her as whole as possible.

"Well, maybe she needs the reminder that this world is a lot smaller than she thinks."

"Somehow, grandpa, I don't think she wants any reminders about how small the world is. What's so wrong with meeting Alice or her daughter anyway? It's not like Alice is a dangerous person. I like her. She reminds me of a pixie." Jake smiled is crooked smirk.

"Alice is a doll. I always loved Alice, and so did your mom. I just think this has more to do with your mom's past than you or Alice."

"What happened, grandpa? Mom is so evasive when it comes to her friends in college."

Charlie finished his coffee and poured himself another cup before he began speaking again.

"Well, I don't think I can tell you the whole story since it's really not my place, and I don't really know all the details to begin with. I will tell you what I can though."

Jake sat down at the kitchen table opposite his grandfather and waited patiently.

"Your mom and the Cullens go way back, back to childhood. Bella was friends with the Cullen kids long before high school. Alice became her best friend in fourth grade when they moved to Forks. They were inseparable." Charlie smiled at the memory. "Alice has two brothers, Emmett and Edward. Edward is her twin. They treated Bella like a younger sister, taking her into the family without a backward glance. She was so close to all of them, including their parents, Carlisle and Esme. I thought I lost my only child to Dr. Cullen's family. But since it was just me and Bella here, it made sense for her to have a bigger support system. They became her family too. I was alright with that. The Cullens are good people." Charlie put his mug down on the table, slowly twisting it in a circle.

"So what happened? If they were so close then, why aren't they now? It doesn't make sense."

"Well, kid. Life gets more complicated when you get older. Your mom grew up with the Cullens, like an adopted daughter. As they got older, she and Edward started dating. I think it was their sophomore year when they fell in love. I thought it was just puppy love, you know; a phase. I was so wrong. They stayed together all through high school, true to each other like they were made for one another."

"I still don't understand. Did they break up?"

Charlie shifted himself uncomfortably in his seat. He was dangerously close to the truth he swore he wouldn't share with Jake until Bella has agreed to it. Jake stared intently at his grandfather, willing him to tell the rest of the story.

"Uh, yes. They dated for a while into college but they were going to school in different states so it was hard. I guess it got too hard so they broke up. Edward got married to some girl he met in school, and your mom met your dad."

"Okay. That still doesn't explain why mom doesn't exactly want me to know anything about her past or the Cullens. She makes it seem like it's a state secret. So she broke up with an old boyfriend, who cares? It's not earth-shattering news. Why keep the whole thing under wraps? Why make a big deal about the Cullens like they're part of the mafia?"

Charlie had to laugh at the last remark. It was too funny imagining the Cullens involved in some shady underground world. So farfetched.

"I think maybe your mom's heartbreak was too much for her to deal with. I think it still hurts her to think about it, so she closed that part of her life off. The Cullens aren't bad; just seeing them or being in contact with them brings up some deep pain she hasn't resolved yet."

Jake moved his eyes to the window, examining the strands of clouds in the blue sky. It made more sense now. Some parts were still not clear, but he could understand his mom protecting herself.

"So this Edward Cullen is responsible for hurting the woman I know as my mother? He broke her so bad that she can't even be honest with me, her son?" Jake's voice got louder as the words spilled from his mouth. He was angry.

Charlie was startled at this sudden change in mood. He tried to speak in a soothing voice.

"Now, Jake. It's not anyone's fault. I'm sure Edward was hurt too. I wouldn't blame anyone for things not working out. Like I said, life gets more complicated when you get older. There are no bad guys here. Sometimes love just isn't enough no matter how much you try. That is something I personally know a little about." Jake thought of his divorced grandparents, and took some deep breaths. Charlie was right. Life is complicated, and it can get messy sometimes.

One thought rang clear in his mind. Jake was going to meet this Edward Cullen and find out for himself what kind of man he really is. It felt right. It felt like this is where his life was heading. He needed to follow through with this if he was ever going to help his mom mend her heart.

"Alright, grandpa. I'll try to keep an open mind." Jake in no way was letting Edward Cullen off the hook so easily. He hurt his mom. That was enough to make Jake see red, enough to want to punch the guy in the face. It may not help, but it made Jake feel irrationally satisfied. That thought brought another smirk to his handsome face.

"Good boy. Now, let's talk about getting you a proper jacket. Looks like we need to take a trip to Newton's."


	4. Chapter 4

AN: Finally, Bella's POV. Initially, I planned the whole story to come from everyone else but Edward and Bella, but there were some inquiries about what actually brought them to this 'other life.' Yes, I know Edward comes off as a total ass but life is complicated and the whole point of doing an AU as humans is to make them real, and very flawed. Let's face it; if any man had made the mistake he did, the consequences would be as bad. Edward will get his POV eventually, so be patient with him. On another note, my French is rusty so a little forgiveness please. Anywho, back to the story.

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

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Bella Swan sat back in her recliner and stared out her living room window, thinking of her son. The sky was still a strange orange black, a mixture of night and the light of over a million street lamps bouncing back onto the city from a few high clouds. She never saw the stars in Phoenix. The distant twinkling of real celestial bodies was no match for the light pollution of the urban sprawl.

This warm, balmy night became quiet and lonely as the air cooled. Bella missed Jake so much it hurt. Jake had been gone for only a couple days so far, but it always seemed like forever until she felt the fullness of her life when her son was in her arms. He made her feel pure joy. Jake was her center, her reason for being the woman she was.

Bella pulled her slim legs closer to her, wrapping herself in a blanket to ward of the chill creeping into the house. It reminded her briefly of the cold she felt each morning when she lived in Forks, Washington. Those mornings were cold and damp. Returning there from Arizona had been a big change, a sort of culture shock. The concept of recordable rainfall was alien, like having to wear rain boots and jacket every day. She never even owned an umbrella before moving back into her father's house. Arizona weather just didn't demand it, unless it was the unpredictable monsoon season or to shield yourself from the blistering summer heat.

When her mother Renee had relocated with her as an infant to Phoenix, Bella came to know a lot of sunshine, and a hot, dry desert. Her early childhood was spent indoors during the hottest part of the days and in the community pool when it began to cool a bit. Renee loved the heat, loved that it wasn't Forks. The fall and winter were the best times of the year, so warm with a big open sky. If they traveled outside the city a bit, they could see the Milky Way at night and hear the sounds of desert creatures settling down. To newcomers, the openness of the desert made them feel exposed. Bella never felt that way. The desert had become her sanctuary. Any rain they got was welcomed because it made the desert blossom into Eden for her.

Jake was probably enjoying plenty of rain right now. She could imagine him walking around La Push with his Quileute family, drinking in the moisture, embracing the cold. He did the same when he was in France with his dad, at ease with the milder climate or when he was back in Arizona drinking in the sun and the warmth. With a smile, she felt such tenderness at how her son appreciated the environment where ever he was. How she ended up with such an easy child, she could not imagine. She always hoped he would be open to whatever life placed in front of him, whether it was new places, new people, different lifestyles or cultures. She raised him to try to accept that human differences that defined each person were not the only parts of them, that all people were important to someone else, and caring for one person meant you helped care for others. It was the dynamic of the collective soul. She truly believed all people were tied together that way; we are all part of the same human family.

This mind set was what helped her choose the professional path she was on now. Valuing life and trying to ease suffering when possible was her calling as a physician. Much of her job seemed like social work, not just providing medical care. There was a strangely large amount of resistance on the side of greater society. Every one cared about healthcare for homeless children, but no one wanted to pay for it. It drove her crazy. She hated the financial hustle she had to maneuver to get the money she needed. It was a never ending battle to keep clinics open, to keep services flowing into them. Sometimes it made her weary.

The project she was currently involved in was stalled. New ridiculous tax and zoning laws had been passed recently and complicated her program. No one was sure which state entity should fund the mobile clinic project for rural Arizona, and since it was mobile, the counties were scrambling to figure out who was contributing how much. It was a nightmare. No one wanted to clearly take some financial responsibility for it, and it infuriated Bella. Typical red tape. In a meeting she had yesterday with state officials, it sounded suspiciously like she wouldn't get enough money for the project. Great, Happy Thanksgiving to you too, she thought. She didn't know what to do yet, but she needed a plan.

It was the middle of the night, midday in Europe. Bella decided to call Laurent, get some professional perspective. As she thought of her meeting with the state officials, she also thought back to how she and Laurent handled financial shortfalls in Africa. It was simple then; they usually footed the money themselves and occasionally got matching funds from some businesses looking for a PR opportunity. Well, it would be nice to write a big check and be done with it, but that wasn't going to happen. She was not exactly poor, but all her savings went into Jake's educational funds. When she divorced, she made sure her ex-husband had some interest in Jake's future which she made voluntary for Laurent, but she herself wanted nothing from him. Bella felt she had already asked so much of him, becoming Jake's legal father. It was too much to expect, and she never asked for any support. Since there was no big pot of cash just lying around, Bella learned to budget and be resourceful. Maybe she could start buying lottery tickets. Bella laughed and shook her head at the idea. That sounds like a wonderful plan, Bella. A sure thing.

The phone rang. Laurent picked up on the first ring.

"Bonjour. Le bon soir. vous sont comment ?" His voice sounded so seductive, so alluring like he was smiling into the receiver as he greeted her. Laurent's voice screamed 'I will love you within an inch of your life if you let me.' Bella wished for a microsecond that it still held a blip of attraction. Nope, still nothing.

"Hello Laurent, I am fine. How are you?" Bella replied in English to prompt him too. Although she was fluent in French and Spanish, it was the middle of the night and she didn't want to confuse herself in translation.

"Oh, you know. I am well as the life I lead. For a moment, I thought you were mon enfant bien-aimé(my beloved child)."

"No, it's just me. Your beloved child is enjoying the rain in Washington for the holiday."

"Ah, with the Blacks. I wish he came here, to his home. My family has missed him." Laurent's voice fell a little but recovered. He had always gone along with what Bella thought was right for their son. He knew if he pushed, she would pull that ugly card of paternity and it would end in a horrible fight. He didn't want that; it might jeopardize the arrangement they had already.

"I know. I considered that but Jake wanted to see Charlie. So there you go; Jacob is in Forks." Bella wanted to move along to why she called, so she let her ex-husband know their son made his own choice.

"It is late in Arizona. What do I owe the pleasure of your call at such an ungodly hour?" Laurent's voice had taken a suggestive tone again. Bella knew if they were in the same city, this would probably translate to a booty call.

"I have a problem, and I need your advice." Bella played along, for old time's sake. It made her giggle to herself. She always said she was no good at seduction. Her ex-husband begged to differ; he said she had such natural charm, it was effortless for her. Okay, enough with this pointless game, she thought. Get on point.

"Mon cher, how can I be of service?" he said suggestively. Laurent thought a little phone sex wouldn't hurt anyone.

"My project is stalled in red tape again. There is a problem with funding due to some new laws and the usual lack of initiative on the parts of the locations I want to serve. There is no more money coming out of any major contributors until the next fiscal year. My usual sponsors have already committed themselves elsewhere. Basically, the well has run dry." Bella's shoulders sagged with this thought.

This was serious, Laurent thought. So much for phone sex. He sighed.

"Hmm. What's new with funding problems? I was in a meeting yesterday with MFA(Doctors without Borders) about how we need to prioritize the areas of greatest need. The global economy is in such flux right now that it has hit our interests hard. We are trying to maintain much of the good work we do in Africa, but it seems it will not be possible to keep everything afloat. It was truly depressing." Laurent sighed and Bella wanted to crawl through the line and hold him. She knew this was so hard for him; healthcare in Africa was his passion.

"I am so sorry to hear that. I wish things had gone better for you."

"Merci. It is done, and we must all find a way." Laurent regrouped. "I think your situation is much like ours on a smaller scale. Since you seemed to have exhausted the usual routes, it is time to consider smaller contributions from any well-endowed contacts. Unless you are willing to postponing your project, it is the smartest avenue."

"Well-endowed?" Bella smirked. She knew what Laurent meant, but he gave her an opening she couldn't refuse.

"You Americans call them 'rich'." Laurent loved it when they played this game. It was always sexy, but harmless. "Mon cher, I think it is possible for you to charm _something_ out of those well-endowed contacts. Merde! Bella, I am having a train of thought I really should not be having; imagining you with any other man is torture, and sexy! Are you sure you are not really French? You have seduction perfectly executed."

Bella laughed. Once upon a time, she would be beet red at Laurent's words. Now, it seemed so silly.

"I don't know about the seduction part, but you know very well I am just the average American girl next door."

"Well then, I think it is time I relocate to the U.S. if all my female neighbors are so intriguing. But I disagree with your self-assessment. You are far from average. You are phenomenal." Laurent laughed quietly to himself, trying not to feel the residual heartbreak of losing Bella. Their marriage was life-altering for him, but the divorce was not so surprising. They had an understanding between them. Now, their relationship was bittersweet.

"Our son would love that idea of you moving to the U.S., although he'd like to believe you miss _him_ and weren't coming over here just to bed the neighbors." Bella laughed cautiously, but also had to be careful with this conversation. She ignored the praise. It could let Laurent's imagination get out of hand.

"It would be wonderful to see Jacob every day. But, things being what they are, I don't think I'll ever leave France, ma patrie(my homeland)."

"We know. Jake will see you soon. His spring break will be here in no time."

"Yes, I look forward to that. We might be able to fit in a short trip to Paris for some fun. I wish he was coming at Christmas. I wanted to take him back to Villars for some snowboarding."

"I'm sure you'll have a wonderful time no matter what you two do together." Bella felt warm at how Laurent still cherished their son. He may not have contributed the DNA, but he sure put in the man hours fatherhood required.

"Cherie, I hope your project finds a benefactor. You deserve so much for all the work you do. You are an angel, and no one deserves some happiness more than you." Laurent thought briefly of inviting Bella for the break too, but hesitated. Maybe, he'll invite during the next call.

"Thank you, mon cher. It is always a great comfort to know you are there if I need advice."

"Toujours et à jamais(always and forever); you know that, my Bella. Take care, and give my love to Jake." Laurent spoke softly, full of love for his family.

"I will. Bonne nuit." And 'I love you' she said silently. Bella hoped he heard her quiet farewell.

"Good night to you too" Laurent replied, hearing the affection in her voice. He hung up before the full weight of the pain crushed him anymore.

Bella was once again alone with her thoughts. Laurent had made a suggestion she really didn't want to consider, but knew he was right. She would have to make as many appointments with former colleagues, college alumni, and friends as she could to raise the money. Bella would have to make her case in front of people who knew little about poverty. It was going to be a challenge. She just needed to start making a list. Who did she know well-connected, or well-endowed? She went online and started going through her contacts, then started googling people she lost touch with. Some old friends seemed well-connected, but she had to branch out further.

Bella froze at her keyboard, thinking a name she rarely ever allowed herself to think of. Cullen. Typing very, very slowly, she did the internet search, and the feeling of her heart skipping erratically around her chest hurt.

There was a website for Cullen Heart Institute, in San Francisco. The current headline was "Dr. Edward Cullen gives new hope to pediatric patient Angela Ortiz." The article was about Edward performing a life-saving surgery on a young girl born with a congenital heart disease. It was simple and brief, with a picture of Edward smiling at the girl he held in his arms. She was tiny, smiling sweetly at him, with a hand on his cheek. The expression reminded her of how Laurent looked at Jake. Ouch. How could she feel any more pain over this?

Bella was transfixed. The picture had a force that sucked her in, pulling away all her thoughts and worries about her project. She felt the years fall away, feeling her heart trying to recover into a normal pace from the frantic rhythm pounding in her chest. If she heard this rhythm on a patient she would have made a referral to a cardiologist. Maybe I could ask Edward for a consultation now, she thought absurdly.

Edward was still _so beautiful_. He had aged well, growing more distinguished as the years went by. He looked a lot like Carlisle now, so confident and powerful. Another thought invaded her mind: Jake looked so much like him. The same smile, the same posture, and the same lean frame. Edward's bronze hair made her think of how she caught a few flecks of the same color in Jake's mane. And those eyes. Those deep green eyes melted her bones.

It was a terrible revelation that Edward Cullen still had this effect on her. He could change her into a pile of goo just with a look over the freaking internet, no less. She still loved him with a profound, searing passion. She heard a song once by Sting called _a Thousand years_. It was so powerful describing the lengths one person could love another. Bella heard it in her head now.

_**I may have lived a thousand lives, a thousand times**__. (Gone through) __**A million doors to eternity.**__**I could speak a million lies, a million songs, a million rights, a million wrongs in this balance of time.**_ _**I could shed another million tears, a million breaths, a million names but only one truth to face….I still love you. I still want you.**_

What is wrong with me? How can he still be so present at the center of my heart? Bella tried to push Edward from her mind. How unbelievably pathetic she felt pining for him like an infatuated teenager. She was a grown woman, for peet's sake. Bella quickly squashed any more kind thoughts by remembering their last day together. He might as well have cut her heart out of her chest right there. Where was a rusty spoon when you needed one?

In all her years of seeing tragedy in third world countries and social injustice everywhere, the way Edward Cullen mangled her heart and caused her pain was unparalleled in its completeness. Maybe it was comparing apples and oranges, but amount of misery she was forced to swallow because of him was unthinkable. She lived through a scary situation in the Sudan once while she was working for Doctors without Borders. The level of violence was escalating out of control. One of her Sudanese friends was killed in a raid on his village and her team had to be urgently evacuated. The whole experience was terrifying, a tragedy. She never felt as helpless. Edward Cullen breaking her heart while she was pregnant with his baby and leaving her to have a child with someone else was almost as painful. Was comparing Edward to global poverty and genocide fair? No, probably not. He was not a blood-thirsty dictator hell-bent on controlling a country. Edward was just a man, a very cruel man, but a just a man. A very stupid, cruel man. Bella could think of better words to describe him but that involved swearing in three languages.

They were once so connected. It was like she was his twin, not Alice. Everything about them fit; every emotion, every thought, every dream they had felt in sync. Even the way their bodies fit together, melding together like puzzle pieces, like they were created for each other cut from the same fabric. Bella remembered the way he smelled so sweet to her, how his lean body felt when they cradled together in sleep. She remembered how he swore he'd love her forever, longer than forever. Ha.

It was making her stomach twist thinking like this. Bella closed the website and moved back to the recliner. As she watched the sky turn purple and pink with dawn, she centered her thoughts on Jake. He was her center now. He would become the man his biological father would never be. Jake was growing up to be a man of the world, aware more of its dynamic than most teenagers, appreciative of his surroundings and all it offered. Jacob Charlie Swan was all the lightness and love she ever felt in her whole life assembled into flesh and blood. He was smart, thoughtful and compassionate. He was an old soul much like her, her middle-aged child. Jake was very much his mother's son.

With that swelling certainty, she made another decision. She was going to forget the project for the holiday and spend it with her son. She would fly to Forks as soon as she could. Bella needed time away. A visit with family that would embrace her and fill her with more love than she knew what to do with felt like a relief. Jake was always her savior from the pain Edward caused. After Bella made online reservations, she felt better immediately. With a carry-on bag quickly packed, she drove to Sky Harbor airport and got on a plane. The morning was full of birds singing and she felt light again. If her plan went accordingly, she would surprise them in time for dinner.

I can't wait to see you, she thought. She fell into a restful nap as the plane ascended into the sky.


	5. Chapter 5

AN: Just a little fluff, and a slice of Edward. Thanks to Darcy13 for the feedback!

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Lily woke to the smell of food. Not just any food, her mother's delectable cooking. She was sure there was a turkey involved, but there was a sweetness of cinnamon, and sugar, and something distinctly savory, like rosemary. It was heaven to her nose. Unfortunately, it was making her stomach talk to her, demanding to be fed. No, I don't want to get up yet, she thought to herself. Ugh. This was her mom's dirty trick. Get Lily up with the promise of French toast, real hot chocolate, and whatever else made her mouth water.

Lily curled herself away from the aroma. She crawled under her pillows into the corner of the trundle bed of Esme's drawing room. She tried to get lost in the soft plush chenille coverlet, like curling up with her favorite plush animals when she was younger. Okay, she still did that in secret, but no one had to know that. She still wanted to fall back into a wonderful dream she was having about talking to that Swan boy again, and making him laugh. She grinned into her pillow.

As Lily reluctantly let sleep fall away from her, her gaze slowly drifted around this room. It was on the third floor, and held many of Esme's past projects from her small design firm. Her grandfather Carlisle had created this space for Esme to work, and just get away from the family when she needed a break. It was large, open and yet comfortable. Now that she thought about her grandma's work, drawing was not what Esme did. Esme created incredible interiors, and consulted on architectural design. There were small models of living spaces on shelves lining one wall, making it look like a neighborhood of upscale Barbie doll houses. It made Lily want to smuggle her old ratty dolls along for the trip just so she could indulge her fantasy of a full-blown Barbie extravaganza. This would be done in secret, of course. Yes, it was so childish, but deep down, it felt so blissful. The thought made her giddy. It was very embarrassing that even at the ripe old age of thirteen, she still fantasized about playing Barbies. What would her friends think? Lily smirked. Once she broke them down out of their faux maturity, they would want to play with her because her grandma's designs were too good not to want to make you play like a little girl.

She moved out of her warm bed, and moved around the room. There was a large central work space, filled with sheets of sketches, and more detailed floor plans in neat piles. There were coffee cups filled with colored pencils, markers, and pens. She even found a box of crayons. Along one of the walls was another work space with a computer, printer and a pile of notes. It seemed a bit disorganized but there obviously an order she didn't understand. The print out showed the plans to something labeled "LPComCtr." It looked like a large space, but she couldn't tell what it was. In another shallow bin, there were more sketches and materials samples, something that looked like paint swatches and a few pictures of the forest.

On the walls, there were prints of the Roman Coliseum, Falling Water, and a couple graphics of something called the Bauhaus and Le Corbusier. Lily knew it all has something to do with her grandma's work, but she couldn't see the connection. There was a large grey cork board with various pictures of furniture, utensils, different natural environments, weather, and jewelry. This was like a large collage of everyday items like she never seen them before. All the pieces were unconventional, like art. They seemed like they were designed for space or a cartoon, some were so elegant and showcased like museum pieces. The jewelry was nothing like she had ever seen, at least not on any ordinary person on the street. Some pieces looked like ancient coins, others looked carved from some exotic stone. The furniture looked strange and uncomfortable; one chair looked like a tongue (Matej Štefanac's Tongue chair), and another looked like it was made of toy blocks (Gerrit Rietveld's Red and Blue chair.) What a strange collection. Lily scrunched up her face as she tried to understand the connections. The only explanation was they were her grandmother's favorite examples of design or they gave her some inspiration.

On another grey corkboard, she saw pictures she did immediately recognize: pictures of her mother, and the rest of the Cullen family at different ages. There was a photo of her mom and another girl, in a black leotard and pink tights hugging each other. They were so cute with pigtails and huge smiles, so happy at ballet class. In another picture, her mom was dressed like Dorothy of the Wizard of Oz, and the same girl from the first picture was dressed as Glenda the good witch. Both girls looked excited and ready for Halloween. Her uncles were in this picture too. Uncle Emmett was dressed as the Cowardly Lion and Uncle Edward dressed as the Tin Man; they did NOT look happy about it, looking furious and frowning into the camera. There were pictures of Christmas morning gone by, all of these same faces in various states of joy, still in pajamas and hair bushy from sleep. They looked so happy together.

"That picture was taken when your mom was a ten." Lily jumped in surprise, as Esme spoke softly from behind her. She didn't hear her grandmother come in.

She turned and smiled sheepishly at her grandmother for being caught nosing around the room. Esme embraced her from behind as they continued looking at the cork board.

"The girl in the picture with her is her friend, Bella Swan, Jake's mom. Bella and your mom begged me and Bella's dad, Charlie, to let them spend Christmas Eve and morning together. Since Bella was an only child living with her dad, he thought it would be nice to have a Christmas with other kids. We had a great time, baking cookies the night before, and stringing popcorn together to put on the tree. Your uncles, however, ate most of the popcorn and we had to use cranberries instead. Thank goodness they didn't like those."

Lily smiled, thinking of her mom as a girl, having fun during the holidays with her best friend. She could also imagine a young Emmett and Edward stealing their popcorn and finishing it off in front of some Christmas special. Typical brothers.

"They look happy." Lily studied their faces, so content.

"They were. They were the best kids, so full of energy and mischief, and so close. I always thought of Bella as my daughter; she felt so natural with us, like she was made to be a Cullen." Esme has a sad smile. Lily could tell she missed Bella, even after all these years.

"Jake sort of looks like her, except the eyes."

"Yes, he does. Bella has the warmest brown eyes I've ever seen. Jake must get his eyes from his dad."

Lily was still for a moment. "You know grandma, his eyes really remind me of Uncle Edward's eyes. They're so green, like jewels. At first, when I saw him, I thought he had a nice smile, but it was his eyes that made me want to look closer."

"Interesting." Lily felt like her grandmother had more to say, but changed the subject.

"Are you hungry, Lily Bell? Your mom made the biggest pile of French toast I've ever seen, and a huge batch of homemade hot chocolate."

"That sounds good; I'm hungry now. Mom always does that when she wants me out of bed right away." Lily was grateful she and her mom didn't have shouting matches about waking up and getting started with the day. Her mom didn't have to shout when she cooked such irresistible breakfasts, and since Lily had inherited her mom's incredibly fast metabolism and huge appetite, Lily never had a chance.

"Well, we better get downstairs before your Uncle Emmett beats you to the French toast. Maybe later we can come back up here and work on something together."

"I'd like that, grandma." Lily grabbed her pink fuzzy bathrobe and headed out the door.

Esme glanced back at the pictures of her kids, thinking of how perceptive her granddaughter was. She hoped Lily would someday meet Bella, and know how truly special she is.

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After three helping of French toast and two very large mugs of hot chocolate, a glass of milk and a bowl of melon, Lily was full. She sat back at the breakfast bar with her cousins, and chatted with them about a new horror movie premiering today.

"I think Lily is going to eat you out of house and home, Jasper." Emmett teased; he knew his sister had passed on the metabolism genes to her daughter, but he was always impressed with her appetite. It rivaled his own twelve year old sons, Liam and Kyle.

"Hey! No picking on my girl. She's my perfect little lady; my southern belle. Besides, she's no match for her uncle who could probably eat twice what she did for breakfast, as a snack. Judging by that telltale belly you're working on, I'd say you're just jealous your body isn't as efficient as it once was at burning off those calories. Face it, man. The middle aged spread is gaining on you." Jasper poked at a soft spot at Emmett's waist. Emmett winced and pulled away from Jasper's finger.

"Very funny, Jazz. Not all of us are insane enough to run 26 miles for the fun of it. What's with the racing anyway. I can't imagine doing anything that requires that much effort and just getting some race t-shirt out of it." Emmett sipped his coffee and prompted his sons to clear their breakfast dishes. "Boys, dishes go in the sink, and no video games until you get cleaned up and make those beds."

Jasper watched his nephews make faces as they cleared their dishes and groaned, then they headed upstairs to the guest room. As they climbed the stairs, they started talking loudly about the new movie again. They were tall and wiry, with Emmett's dark curly hair, but had Rose's beautiful facial features and clear blue eyes. They reminded him of an ancient Italian painting of noble Roman warriors, so striking and yet so masculine. They would be gorgeous when they grew up.

"It's called endurance, brother. I like to think of it more as a mind game; me against my body telling me how far 26.2 miles really is. Besides, once you're out there, it's just you and nothing but the effort you put behind it. It's liberating." The endorphins were nice too, Jasper thought.

"Well, I have endurance in all the places that count." Emmett smirked and wiggled his eyebrows. He suddenly remembered his niece was in the room. Jasper scowled at him.

"Are you guys talking about sex?" Lily made a disgusted face and pretended to gag.

"No, Lily. We're talking about how your uncles and I plan to spend some time outside this weekend, working off the feast your mom's making." Jasper wasn't very convincing, but he tried to shield her from anything that remotely sounded like sex talk. She was his baby girl, after all.

"What? You want to go outside in this weather?" Emmett was incredulous, motioning to the cold outside. Jasper nodded with an enormous grin on his face.

"Good, because I just ate and I really don't want to hurl thinking about any of my family having sex. It's so gross and disturbing on so many levels." Lily scooted off the bar stool and placed her dishes in the sink.

"Is someone talking about sex with my daughter without me present?" Alice walked into the kitchen with an irritated look on her face, looking from her husband to her brother menacingly.

"NO! I was just talking to Jazz about his marathons, and he brought up endurance. I never said anything about sex, I promise." Emmett stammered as he looked fearfully at his tiny sister. Emmett knew looks were deceiving when it came to Alice. She was a force of nature to be reckoned with if she was angry.

"Emmett Cullen, if I catch you trying to corrupt my daughter with your pornographic mind, I will skin you alive." She poked him in the chest, pushing him against the breakfast bar.

"Hey! I would never do that. Come on! Give me some credit; I have kids too." Emmett held his hands up in surrender. Rosalie walked in, following the sound of her husband in trouble once again. She smiled at the look on her family's faces. Yes, my husband put his foot in his mouth again, she confirmed silently.

"What's going on here? What did Emmett do now?" Rosalie spoke that very familiar phrase.

Jasper let out a loud laugh, and shook his head. He pulled Alice into his arms.

"Your deviant husband is trying to corrupt my innocent child."

"Oh honey, you're starting off early today. I was hoping we'd get to lunch before you said something outrageous."

"Hey! Rosie, I swear I didn't say anything. Jasper just brought up endurance and then I'm being accused of sexual deviance." He made a pleading face at his wife, trying to smooth her amused face.

"Love, I know you mean well, but you've got to watch what you say around these ears." She motioned to Lily who was still in the room.

"It's okay, Aunt Rosie. Mom and I have already had the sex talk. I just didn't want any yucky images of my family going along with it. It's gross enough as is it. Just one request: _please_ refrain from anything I may need to bleach from my brain. I want to have a normal life, and a lobotomy doesn't sound like part of that deal. I don't want to walk in on _anyone doing anything_ that may traumatize me for life. Keep it clean people!" Lily walked out the door, rolling her eyes at them.

"She's a bit melodramatic, isn't she?" said Rose. She laughed at her husband's chagrinned face.

Alice and Jasper shared a huge grin between them, both thinking how grateful Lily wasn't boy crazy or how the idea of sex was still revolting to her. Jasper thought he dodged a bullet there. The idea of boys and this daughter made him automatically flinch, while plans for a moat around their house simultaneously ran through his mind. Well, maybe he wouldn't build a moat, but he'd probably want to invest in a shotgun, for show of course.

"Good thing we have boys, Rose. I don't even want to think about having a daughter within striking distance of dating. That is truly scary."

"Yes, since you are the perfect dad, I wouldn't worry about those boys falling into the wrong female hands, right?" Alice quipped.

"Over my dead body! There is no way my sons are gonna fall for some opportunistic female! Not if I can help it!" Emmett was horrified at the possibility.

"Honey, calm down. Our sons are smarter than that. Besides, we're raising them to be good judges of character." Rosalie pulled herself into his chest and kissed him. He sunk into her embrace.

"I'm not trying to piss you off, Emmett. Really. I'd just be very careful with boys as beautiful as Liam and Kyle. They will be hard to resist in a few years." They all knew what Alice was alluding to: the cautionary tale that was Edward Cullen.

"Okay, enough scary stories of teenage years to come. What's the plan today, besides this wonderful feast we've got in store for us?"

Alice and Rose filled them in on the menu, and what still needed to be done. Emmett and Jasper continued their talk about an outdoor excursion, while their wives shooed them out of the kitchen. Jasper wanted to do an easy hike or walk, maybe take the boys down to the beach since the weather was supposed to get better today.

Finally agreeing on heading down to First Beach on the La Push reservation, they thought of getting Edward to come along. Liam and Kyle were searching the garage for rain boots, while Lily watched the customary Thanksgiving parade on TV.

Edward was reading Carlisle's new JAMA magazine in the family room, not aware that his brothers had entered the room. After a few moments, he felt someone staring at him. Turning to face Jasper and Emmett, he put down his article and grimaced.

"I know that look. What are you guys up to?" He watched his brothers cautiously.

"Nothing. Just heading out for the afternoon, for a hike. You should come with us." Emmett knew if Edward came, it would be a short hike since Tanya didn't like to be left alone here for long.

"Hmm. Sounds like a plan. Where do you guys have in mind?" He got up and started searching for his coat.

"First Beach. Just taking the kids out for a while, maybe we'll stop somewhere along the way. You know, just let the day take us where it wants. We're heading out now so we don't have to rush back for dinner." Jasper made it ideal, just the sort of break he needed. He had spent most of his time indoors lately, and being outside was the perfect tonic for his stressed-out brain.

"Okay. Let me tell Tanya, and I'll meet you outside." Edward wasn't looking forward to this conversation but there was no way he'd let them go without him.

Edward took two steps at a time as he headed up to his old bedroom. Tanya was on her laptop and talking on her cell phone when he came in. She held up a finger, while trying to type something into her computer. He waited, a little irritated. Always on her time, he thought bitterly.

"Tanya, I'm heading out for the afternoon with my brothers. I'll be back later." He started walking away from her.

"Wait, Edward." She spoke to someone on the phone. "Gianna, can you hold for a moment. I need to speak to Edward. Okay, I'll call you right back." She snapped her phone closed.

"I was just coming down to talk to you. My cousin Gianna is in San Francisco right now, just in for a visit. She wanted to surprise me, not knowing we're up here in the middle of nowhere. " She made an exasperated huffing sound. "Anyway, I really want to spend some time with her so I was hoping you wouldn't mind if I leave for home early."

"Sure. It's fine. I'll head back on Sunday as planned. How soon do you plan on leaving?"

"After dinner. I just made arrangements with dad, and Gianna is picking me up at the airport. I just need you to drop me off in Port Angeles so I can catch my plane. Dad's sending his plane for me." Of course, Edward thought.

"Alright. I'll be back in plenty of time and then we'll head to the airport."

Tanya rose and walked over to Edward. She wrapped her arms around him seductively and tried to kiss him. Edward stiffened at her touch, not wanting to drag this moment on anymore than necessary. Tanya pulled away, trying to act hurt.

"I'll miss you, love." She said, with a slight sting to her words. He knew she didn't really mean that. She hadn't really missed him in years, but this lie was so ingrained in her behavior, it was reflex. She was more excited about getting out of here and enjoying the parties with her cousin than anything that might have to do with him.

"See you later." And he was out the door. I am such an ass, he thought as he secretly celebrated his wife's departure. A spineless, horrible ass, with a free weekend on his hands, he concluded. That almost made him smile.


	6. Chapter 6

AN: Sorry for the delay in updating. I've been seriously under the weather, so the writing has been on the back burner. Just a quick note. I'll work on Edward's POV soon; he's hard to write right now. I hope this chapter satisfies. Let me know what you think. I've never been a big Jacob fan, but I think I did him justice as a friend to Bella. Anywho, enjoy the chapter.

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Jacob Black stood outside his dad's house in La Push watching over a large fire pit. The morning was mild and sunny, perfect for his experiment. As he gathered together a large pile of cedar, and a few alpine logs, he positioned them over a fire pit he dug into his father's backyard. He started the fire and stood back, watching the orange flames lick hungrily into the sky. The flames crackled and bit the air, making the air smoky and warm. The camp chair he brought out was a little damp as he took a seat, ready to enjoy his breakfast, a 'burrito' of eggs, bacon and hash browns. He watched the fire, adding new logs to the pit when it tried to burn out.

Jake decided to build an imu in the back yard with the intention of baking a ham in it. He had gotten the strange idea from his sister, Rebecca, when he visited her over the summer in Hawaii. Yes, it was a risk of perfectly good meat, but it worked well when he saw his in-laws use it on the island. They had stuck a whole pig, wrapped in wet cloth and banana leaves, in the ground once it was hot enough from the fire. They kept the heat going with lava rocks that were hot from hours of being in the fire. The ancient baking technique was a talent passed down through generations, and used for special events, such as family luaus. It was impressive, because it wasn't really exact, more an art perfected over centuries. The kalua pig he saw cooked by his in-laws was so succulent and delicious as the meat literally fell off the bones. They seasoned the meat with sea salt, and there was a very mild taste of the banana leaf but it was not unpleasant. It was by far the best pork he had ever tasted.

With the basics worked out, Jake thought it was worth a try for this Thanksgiving. At the very worst, he'd have a burnt ham to clean up, and a disappointed father for dinner. Good thing he had a back up plan: Little Jake was coming over to cook for them. His plan of a 'small' dinner was sort of cute but knowing Little Jake's appetite, along with his own, there would probably be closer to a small feast. He just hoped it didn't include anything too strange on the menu. Please let there be no Brie or other stinky cheeses, he thought to himself.

Jacob Black was a tall, large man, and had become the man his tribe had hoped for; respected and successful. Jacob left La Push after high school for Seattle to attend the University of Washington. He graduated summa cum laude with a degree in mechanical engineering and a minor in American Indian studies, then applied to law school. His law school curriculum was rigorous but he stubbornly completed the program successfully, focusing on Native American law and environmental law. He worked his way up in a medium-sized law firm in Seattle, but has always dreamed of starting his own small firm focusing on tribal law in the Pacific Northwest. After ten years with the firm, he moved on to start his own private practice. So far, he had represented his tribe in a couple lawsuits involving water rights and natural resources. It was always an uphill battle, but he was able to maintain historic treaty agreements his tribe made many generations ago when they first encountered the U.S. government.

Yes, Jacob Black was a man among men, devoted to his people and his principles. He just wished his success in his professional life had translated into his social life. Jake was still single, but had dated on and off for years. For the past four years, he had been dating a woman from La Push named Leah. She was a beautiful Quileute woman with a brain, and a very pretty, but she was also very hard to impress, thus annoying Jake that he had to work to keep her interest. Clearly, she was not impressed with his career, or his financial success. Leah always made it clear her heart lay in the community of La Push, and since she was a teacher there, she invested in its future. She thought Jacob should one day set an immediate example and become a tribal leader, a role that seemed a natural fit for him. Jake didn't agree, and there laid their major source of contention. Leah wouldn't let it go and Jake didn't want to talk about it anymore. He was happy in Seattle, with his small practice and close to court. The only people he wanted to lead were his kids, if he ever got around to having any. Oh, well. At least he had Little Jake to fill his fatherly impulses for now.

Watching the flames gently caress the lava rocks he brought back from an excursion to Goat Rocks wilderness, he thought of his nephew and his best friend, Bella. Jacob remembered all the way back to when he first heard of Bella's son. It was not outside the realm of possibility, especially with Bella and Edward Cullen joined at the hip since childhood. He knew Bella loved Edward with every molecule in her body and with her whole spirit. There was a time it burned Jacob to know how much Edward was loved by his incredible friend. In fact, it took a long time to reconcile that although Bella loved him, it was only as 'Jacob Black, my best friend.' There would never be another man in her life that would come close to making Bella glow like she did when she was with Edward. It was impossible to not to be affected by the intensity of that power; to look at Bella in love was like staring into the sun: so blinding, and so warming.

When Charlie came down one day fifteen years ago, the stoic look on his face gave way to one of bewilderment. As Charlie took a seat at the kitchen table with Billy, he announced Bella was married. Okay, not really a shocker, Jacob thought standing at the entry to the pantry. Edward obviously is tying up their future before graduate school. Jacob remembered Charlie needing to stop and puzzle his thoughts out because something didn't seem to make sense.

"That's not the most important news. I just met Bella's husband; his name is Laurent. And, on top of that, Bella's _pregnant_." Charlie's face became several weird shades of red, making it look mottled.

"What?!" Jacob exclaimed then fell into dazed silence. "I don't understand. Did you say Bella's pregnant?" Jacob was stunned; he had to hold onto the entryway to keep from falling to his knees.

"Yes, Jake. She's married to some French doctor she met in Europe, and they're having a baby."

It took several moments for Jake to digest the news, and it still seemed _impossible_. He had to stop gripping the pantry door frame, hearing it creak in protest to his intense grip, and had a seat at the kitchen table. Billy came out of his daze first.

"What about Edward? I thought she was practically married to him." Billy asked, his face creased with fatherly worry. Bella was like an honorary daughter to him, and to hear she was married and going to be a mother was as unsettling as hearing his own daughters grow into women. Like Charlie, Billy would always consider his daughters as _girls_, and fret for the choices they made.

"Who the hell is Laurent?? _What the hell is going on, Charlie??_" Jake voice rose into a yell, outraged. How could his best friend change her whole life, without any hint of the shift from the destined future? At least that is how Bella always made it sound; Edward was her destiny.

Charlie stared at him like he had two heads, fangs and fur. Then his face melted into confusion.

"Jacob, I have NO idea. I have absolutely NO idea what is going on in my precious daughter's head. I feel like I just got hit by a bus. I have no idea about Edward, or what happened between them. My Bella just popped back into Forks, with a husband and a belly, and this bombshell." Charlie hung his head, cradling it in his hands. His face crumpled. "I feel like I'm in the Twilight Zone." Charlie sounded so defeated.

"Where is she now?" Billy asked calmly, trying to soothe his friend.

"They're both resting at our house. I guess they flew close to 20 hours from France, and she's pretty exhausted. I told her I had to step out and get some groceries, and then I found myself in front of your house. It's like I had an out-of-body experience. I am so shocked, I have no idea how I got here."

"Thank goodness you got here safely, Charlie. I think we all need some coffee to bring us around."

Billy scooted off to make some fresh coffee. Jake stared at nothing on the cabinets, still so floored by Charlie's staggering news. His mind was working furiously, whirling down several avenues of logic at lightening speeds. His instincts told him something was wrong with the story. It just didn't feel right, and it was so out of character for Bella. She never did anything outrageous, or irresponsible; _never_.

"This doesn't make sense, Charlie. We all know Bella; she wouldn't just drop Edward Cullen, run off to Europe and marry the first guy she meets." Jacob's face was set in a scowl, knowing he was right. Bella was a girl totally in love, but she was also very practical. She was always a girl who needed a plan. She felt better knowing there was a little bit of structure to her life. As far as he knew, Jake always heard her speak of the life she would have with Edward. Edward was the key, and in more ways than one now. Edward Cullen. That _idiot_ obviously derailed Bella's plans to have a life together. Yes, Edward Cullen was the key and if imbecile has even a small part in Bella running off and marrying a perfect stranger and having a baby, Jake was going to kick some major ass. Jake was beginning to feel the case build against that spoiled, cocky Cullen kid.

Jacob started to consider what this bonehead had done to run Bella off. He remembered running into Dr. Cullen at the hospital last month when he was visiting Quil and his wife after they had their first child, Quil Jr. Carlisle seemed tired but friendly when they chatted quickly in the halls. When Jake brought up Bella, Carlisle immediately seemed uncomfortable and sad. He initially thought Carlisle was simply tired from a long shift, but now that he really thought about it, it seemed strange. Yes, Edward definitely had a hand in this news. Bastard, Jacob thought. I always knew he would break her heart somehow. I bet he did something entirely unforgiveable to make Bella marry this Laurent. He knew Bella better than she knew herself sometimes. This was starting to make some sense. It was the lawyer in him emerging.

When Jake had finally saw Bella again, he was being introduced to Laurent. Bella brought her new husband down to La Push to visit the Blacks and make the introductions. Initially Jake didn't like Laurent, but after spending some time with him, Jake saw Laurent truly adored Bella. He could see this man worshiping the ground his pregnant wife walked on. Laurent was gracious and unpretentious, speaking modestly of his life tending to the less fortunate. He was open and friendly, stunning Jake with a hug and a kiss on each cheek customary in his country. Jake was momentarily abashed but then caught an amused smirk from his best friend, and knew he shouldn't make a big deal out of it. Okay, those Europeans were _really friendly, _he thought. Laurent spoke lovingly about their impromptu wedding in Paris, and how he was looking forward to being a father. Bella looked on smiling, but there was something behind her eyes that seemed flat. This was not the look of Bella in love; Jake knew that look. This was the look of Bella _trying_ to be in love, trying to make this work, but without Edward it was something a bit less. He'd have to get her alone to really know.

"Laurent, would you excuse me if I steal Bella away for a few minutes? I want to catch her up on stuff going on with some of our friends." Jake asked, Bella's smile falling a fraction.

"Of course, Jacob. By all means, please enjoy this visit. Bella, you must let me know if you are tiring or need anything. I would hate to see you exhaust yourself." Laurent looked at Bella with concern.

"I'll be fine, dear. If I need anything, Jake will take care of me or come and get you. We'll be close by so please don't worry." She kissed his lips lightly and walked outside with Jake.

Jake took Bella by the hand, and they walked down a dirt trail to First Beach. Before they descended a small hill that lead to the beach, Jake paused and stared down to the ocean. The water was a steely grey, and ripped with small waves. The smell of salt drifted up toward them on a light breeze. It was nice weather today. He looked over at his best friend. Bella was staring out into the ocean, drinking in the familiar beauty of it. Old drift wood trees stood partially buried in the sand making the coast a strange gallery of twisted statues. They made their way over to an enormous log whitewashed by the sun; it was their tree bench -- their own private sanctuary from the world. They were silent for a long time.

"I know, Jake. Please, don't make this hard for me." Bella said with her eyes closed, tears threatening to fall. Unconsciously, she laid her hand on her belly, feeling for the reassuring kick of her unborn child.

"What are you talking about, Bella?" Jake would let her lead the conversation.

"I know none of this makes any sense to you, the marriage or the baby."

"Oh, I think this makes more sense than you think. Come on, Bella. I'm your best friend. I may not know everything, but I can guess enough."

Bella was quiet, contemplating how much she could confide in her friend without disappointing him.

"I just couldn't find a way alone, at least not right now. Not after all I've been through." Bella's voice sounded so small, like a child.

"What happened with Edward, Bella? I know you don't love this guy Laurent anywhere close to the way you worshiped that idiot Cullen." Jake was struggling to stay on an even keel. He knew his friend was standing on the edge of her own emotional cliff. She might fall if he pushed too hard.

Bella felt a sharp pain in her chest like she was being stabbed; the pain was a cold piercing ache that twisted around its self violating her heart. She had to stop breathing for a moment to let the agony ease up; it was like a vicious dragon that clawed and burned her from inside. The vulnerable hole in her chest weakened a little every time she thought of Edward, and she hated herself for being so susceptible to this pain. She had to grow some armor against it, or she wouldn't survive. Tears like acid burned her eyes as she began to speak.

"Edward broke up with me before I left for Europe; he's engaged to someone else he met at school." Bella's voice cracked with agonizing despair as she curled into herself.

Jake stood up suddenly and walked over to a tree at the edge of the forest. Bella wrinkled her face in confusion, until she saw him grab a small cedar by its slender trunk and shake it with all his might while he growled menacingly. The tree quivered and shed cones, needles and a few small branches. She heard a distinct cracking noise like wood splitting. Yep, Jake was furious and taking it out on the forest. In that moment, Bella knew how much Jake loved her; if that was Edward Cullen's neck Jake had in his hands, she was sure he wouldn't stop squeezing until Edward's head popped off. It made her smile and cry harder at the same time.

When the cedar tree had shivered in submission, Jake bent over and gripped his knees, still shaking with anger as he tried to calm down. He saw red and was trying hard not to tear the tree right out of the ground. Slowly, he heard his racing pulse ebb away from his immediate focus, and heard Bella crying.

Jake returned to her side and wrapped himself around her hoping it would shield her from this torturous pain. She melted into him, so soft and supple, like a snail without its shell. It was the worst feeling knowing he couldn't do anything to ease her heartache. She was doing her best, and he couldn't begrudge her coping mechanism. Okay, so she married the next guy she met; thank goodness this guy loved her and supported her. He'd have to give Laurent some credit; he wanted to make Bella happy.

In a small voice so quiet, Bella spoke again.

"The baby is Edward's."

Jake flinched against her, then he squeezed her tight against him, as he felt his own eyes burn with tears. In all his years, he never met anyone as kind and loving as Bella. She was everything pure and good in his life, so unselfish and compassionate. She was sweet to everyone, helpful to anyone who needed a hand. She was the definition of goodness – innocent and sincere. She did not deserve this, and from that despicable Edward Cullen. Oh, I am going to kill that dumb ass as soon as can get my hands on him, Jake thought silently.

"Laurent knows; he knows everything. I owed him that, but he still wanted to marry me. Don't be mad at me, Jake. I just couldn't go through this alone, and I needed to be away from the whole Cullen family. I don't want them to see me and figure things out. The last thing I want now is a fight over my baby with that man, if Edward even wanted him or her. That would literally kill me."

"I understand, Bells. I'll go along with whatever makes you happy now. _And I'd be happy to personally congratulate Edward on his engagement_ if you like." Jake's voice was full of hate.

"No, Jake. I don't want to give him any reason to try to contact me. I don't want to give any reasons for any of the Cullens to try to contact or look for me. I just want to disappear with my baby, and try to live in peace with Laurent. I don't see how having ties with them will benefit my baby right now; it hurts too much to think about." Bella felt herself reforming into a somewhat solid shape. She had to be strong for her family now. The Cullens were part of her past, not her future.

"Alright, but if that poor excuse for a man ever so much as looks at me funny, I am going to make sure he needs help tying his shoes for the rest of his life after the beating I give him. He never deserved you, Bella or deserves to be this baby's father. I hope he's miserable for the rest of his sorry existence."

Bella's face looked worn and hollow, as her tears ran down her face again. She hugged Jake with everything she had in her and felt so grateful to her friend for his support. He may not know the full depth of her pain, but he loved her with something close to the strength of the sun.

After that visit, Bella, Laurent and Jake spent a few days together, familiarizing themselves with their new relationships. Bella was someone's wife now, so Jake had to watch his boundaries. Laurent came to know Jake as Bella's protector and best friend. Bella was simply happy everyone, including Charlie and Billy, got along and accepted Laurent into their tight-knit family. It was a pleasant visit, with the exception of the Edward talk. Bella and Laurent stayed for four weeks, spending most of their time in La Push then returned to France. Little Jake was born early the next spring in Paris, and Jake was ecstatic to know Bella had given him his name. He was beyond the moon with happiness for the healthy boy.

As he watched over the fire pit, he thought of the many years he spent with Little Jake, fostering him much like his own child, watching him grow into an amazing young man. Little Jake was so much of his mother; kind, smart and unselfish. He was insightful and open to new experiences, more worldly than most kids his age. That was probably Laurent's influence, and living in France as a child did give him a slightly different perspective. Little Jake was everything he would ever want as a son, and loved him accordingly.

One unexpected side effect of watching Little Jake grow was feeling his hatred of Edward Cullen recede into a dull contempt. Jake would never be a fan of the man that broke Bella's heart, but to look at Little Jake, he couldn't entirely despise the sperm donor; he did contribute some grade A genes. One obvious trait that translated into Little Jake's makeup from Edward was Edward's talent for music. Little Jake demonstrated an amazing gift for composing musical pieces at an early age. While in France, Little Jake took piano lessons and excelled without much effort. He was considered a prodigy in his school, but Bella didn't want to pressure her son to perform. She wanted him to pursue what made him happy academically. Jake suspected it was so close a reminder of Edward for her handle. She did support his interest but it was always with a guarded enthusiasm.

Jake thought it was a waste of perfectly good talent, so he bought Little Jake an acoustic guitar when he was ten. He boy loved his instrument, toting it everywhere with him. Even now, Little Jake never left his beloved Annabel far behind. It went where he did. Little Jake played beautifully, and his moods were pretty easy to figure out if you listened closely. His emotions went right into his music, making him easy to read. Most pieces he played were relaxed melodies, able to settle your thoughts and soothe your soul, but there were times when the melodies were dark and complex, and you could hear the battle raging in Little Jake's mind, working out difficult concepts or uncomfortable feelings. It was therapeutic and a nice emotional barometer.

Jake heard a car pull up in front of the house as he thought of Little Jake. I bet that's the boy wonder ready to start the culinary magic, he thought. I can't believe Charlie lets him drive.

As Jake threw another log into the fire pit, he heard his 'nephew' come into the house caring some grocery bags. After placing them on the kitchen table, Little Jake came up to Jake and embraced him tightly. He then moved away and hugged Billy sitting in his wheel chair.

"Hey guys, you ready for real feast? I've got a few new things I wanna try this year."

"Oh yeah, just don't make me eat anything I don't recognize, like snails." Billy joked.

Little Jake laughed. "That's what Charlie said!"

"Great minds think alike. I have a few things in the frig for dinner too Jake, so you don't have to do all the cooking. Sue brought over a pasta salad last night, and Leah made a couple pies for us."

"I'm about to throw a ham in the ground too, little man, so don't go too crazy with the food."

Little Jake roared again with laughter. My family is so silly, he thought.

"You don't have to throw anything in the dirt, Uncle Jake. I'll make plenty, I promise. You forget I know how much you can eat."

"Hey, when that ham is done, you'll be sorry for insulting my experiment. Besides, it's good to try something new every now and then."

"I'm glad to hear you say that because I brought over some different cheeses you haven't tried yet."

Jake groaned, wishing he'd kept his mouth shut.

"Oh man, don't make me eat some old moldy cheese that smell like my gym shoes. I'm still recovering from that weird salad you made last time."

"Hey, it's called nicoise salad and that was mom's idea of a joke. I'm with you; it's too bistro for me, but she loves that stuff." Little Jake chuckled at his uncle and grandfather's faces. He tried that dish out on them the last time he came out to La Push with his mom. His mom had a good laugh at their expressions as they graciously ate the whole salad, trying not to hurt Little Jake's feelings. Jake was not amused.

"Alright. I'll keep an open mind. Let's just try not to confuse my tongue this time."

"Sure sure, Uncle Jake. I'll be kind."

Both Jakes got started prepping the meal, laughing. After an hour of prep, most of the meal was either ready for the oven or already prepared. Jake tried a hummus dip his nephew made and was surprised he liked it so much. Ready for more edible surprises, he enjoyed his day with his nephew, relaxing in the kitchen. Little Jake was ready for a break once the turkey went into the oven, so he went outside and grabbed his guitar and headed out the back.

"Where you headed kid?" Jake asked him as he tended to the baking ham in the ground.

"Just around the village. I might visit Quil Jr. if he's not still in trouble for terrorizing the little kids last night. I might just head down to our tree on the beach. We'll see. I have my phone so call me when it gets close to the time to pull the bird out of the oven."

"Alright. If you get a chance, tell Quil and Claire I said hello. I'll call you when Charlie shows up. Be careful."

"Always, Uncle Jake. See you." Jake watched his amazing nephew stroll down the dirt road toward the village, playing a tune he never heard before. It was slow and somber; Little Jake had something on his mind. With a shiver down his back, Jake had an ominous feeling today would not be the casual holiday he hoped for. Something was in the air; he could feel it. He just hoped it wouldn't mare his nephew's happy life.


	7. Chapter 7

Sorry this update took so long. I've been toying with a few ideas, but like I said before: edward is hard for me to write. This is the first of a couple chapters involving First Beach. The next chapter is already in motion, so be patient. Hey, at least I didn't kill Edward off, which was my first instinct. Anywho, back to the story.

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

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The sky was blue and clear, with a mild breeze moving the branches of the forest when Emmett approached his monstrous blood red Hummer in the drive way. As he attempted to zip up his waterproof guide jacket, he remembered why he needed to order a larger size from North Face; it was just a hair too snug. Jasper's rub about his belly made his growl to himself. I've got to get to the gym soon, he thought. It was a good thing he remembered he had his ski jacket stuffed away in one of the storage compartments. He opened up the back of the SUV and fished out the jacket, removing the liner from the shell so it would fit better. Hidden from view, he heard his sons making their way from the garage bickering about the new horror movie that came out, comparing it to some other movie that was released over the summer.

"No way _Death Zombies_ compares to _Red Moon Rising_! That was the mother of all monster movies and had the best action sequences! And all the freaking creatures in it were epic! It kicked total ass!" Liam exclaimed to his twin brother, Kyle.

"You have got to be kidding! The reviews of _Death Zombies_ were awesome, and the lucky bastards at the ComiCon convention that saw the preview were blown away!" Kyle retorted.

"Are you fricken mental? No way that movie is going to be better than _Red Moon_!"

Emmett smirked to himself listening to them argue back and forth, thinking of how much it reminded him of arguing with his own brother when he was young.

"Hey, twerps! Watch your language or there will be no Death Zombies or Bloody Moons, or any other movie watching!" Emmett suppressed a smirk, feeling satisfaction at being able to dispense the warning, and not be the one at the other end of it. This is what Carlisle must have felt like when he was the one warning him and Edward when they were kids.

The boys startled in unison, not aware that their father was within earshot of their debate. They gave each other a look of annoyance for getting caught swearing in front of their father. Once they were playing one of their video games and were so engrossed with the action, they started swearing up a storm at the demise of their characters. Their mother caught them using the bad language, and that was the end of their video game, and any other fun, for one week. In addition, Rosalie had them providing free yard cleaning service to all the neighbors for that week. It wouldn't have been so bad if they didn't live in an upscale Seattle neighborhood where all the neighbors had massive yards. They debated if it was considered child abuse and argued the point with their parents; they quickly reconsidered when their mom suggested the punishment would only get longer if they kept protesting.

"Boys, you have no idea what child abuse is. If you think your punishment is bad, ask your dad what he had to do when he got into trouble with grandpa." Emmett chuckled dramatically as he recalled many hours as the unofficial grounds keeper of the Forks High football and soccer fields, mowing all that damn grass with a manual mower for the better part of a month. "Yes, boys those were _good times_, especially when you have allergies to all those weeds. My face was a red runny mess for a long time, but since I'm so handsome, I was covered. I don't know if you guys would be so lucky. Hmm, should we give it a try?"

"Uhh no thanks dad" replied Liam. "Okay mom, point taken." End of the debate for them. The grueling manual labor mixed with the loss of electronic privileges hit them hard, and teaching them to be cautious of their language.

As Liam and Kyle loaded themselves into the very back of the enormous vehicle, Jasper and Lily came out of the house with Edward in tow. Jasper pulled Lily close cradling her with his left arm, trying to keep her warm. Edward felt a pang of jealousy for both his brothers. They were fathers, and knew a love he wasn't fortunate enough to experience.

The thought of a child needing him and loving him like Lily loved her dad was a painful truth. Aside from the Cullen clan, it was only him and his wife. No one would carry on any of his genes, wisdom, or any part of his soul worth knowing. He used to dream of having his own son or daughter to truly cherish and nurture, to teach about life and witness this new being he helped create grow and thrive. It was a twisted dream though because a part of it meant he wouldn't be alone in this world; so selfish. In his heart, he was glad he never procreated with Tanya; she was far from maternal and the emotional damage she could inflict on another human being was unbearable. She was definitely not meant for motherhood, and truthfully, he never imagined her the mother of his children. Her ideas about family and love were so skewed from reality. Maybe this was part of his punishment for his moral iniquity. The pain throbbed in his heart ached uncomfortably, reminding him of all the years he felt this never ending sadness and guilt. He deserved this and he knew it.

He watched Jasper and Emmett nurture and protect their children with tenderness and affection, relishing the dynamic power parents felt for their offspring. It was a privileged fraternity he would never be allowed to join.

As they moved closer to the car Jasper smiled at Lily reassuringly, his face full of love for his precious child. Lily returned his smile half-heartedly, hanging on to him. Although she wore a rain coat, Lily shivered and looked pleadingly with her father.

"Lily Bell, the weather will get better. I promise you're gonna have a good time, sweet heart." Jasper helped her into the second row, and buckled her into her seat kissing her on the forehead.

Lily groaned, rolling her eyes as her father carefully adjusted her seat belt.

"Dad, I'm not a baby. I can get into the car myself." Lily was embarrassed as her uncle smiled slightly at her. It was the same friendly face she saw yesterday, but on Jake Swan. Her mind started to click something strange into place.

Jasper had a hard time accepting his daughter growing up. In his eyes, Lily would always be his baby girl who needed her father to protect her and love her. It was too much to think that one day she would be a woman, like his wife, ready to live her life on her own. It was enough to make a grown man cry. Just thinking about it made his heart break a little.

Jasper got into the front passenger seat, making his own seat adjustments, and checking his pockets for his cell phone and his camera. He wanted to document this hike for his wife as a surprise.

Lily sat back in her seat, wondering about the party her friend Marie had last night. It was supposed to be a pizza party followed by a movie. She sighed and wrapped her jacket tighter around herself.

Yes, this is so much more exciting than spending time with my friends this week, she thought as she began browsing through her Ipod. Oh crap, I forgot my ear buds. Great, this day just gets better and better, thought Lily as she sulked.

"Nice to see you've downgraded into a car with great gas mileage, Emmett. You must get a whole 10 miles per gallon." Edward teased, moving along to the driver's side of the car.

Edward got into the second row, adjusting the custom seat and buckling his seat beat.

"Look who's talking, Mr. High Performance. Or is that Aston Martin you drive a hybrid?" Emmett smirked in response.

"I'll have you know my baby gets great gas mileage."

"Yeah, sure it does when you drive the speed limit, which is probably NEVER."

"Hey Uncle Edward, how fast do you drive your car?" Liam and Kyle were suddenly very interested in his high performance luxury car.

Squirming in his seat, Edward caught Emmett's eyes crinkled in a smirk as he tried to decide how to answer the question. He was an adult after all and probably should set a good example as a driver.

"Well boys, I try to stay within a reasonable speed range. Maybe around 75 to 85 miles on the highway if there's no traffic." He responded trying to keep a straight face.

"You are such a LIAR, Eddie! I'd say at least 110 to 115 on the highway if you can get away with it, judging by the custom adjustments Rose made for you when you bought it. Your baby was designed to go very, very fast."

Emmett remembered how giddy his brother was when he finally got his new car back from Rosalie. Their business involved acquiring and maintaining high-end, luxury cars, almost all were foreign. They had a surprisingly large clientele, thanks mostly to Rosalie's incredible expertise in exotic mechanics and natural charm. Emmett guessed that most of their clients didn't mind Rosalie's extreme beauty, but once they saw she had an intuitively technical nature they became utterly impressed and respectful of her assessments and recommendations. Emmett wasn't far behind in his abilities, but he was always supportive of their partnership in business and in love. He felt nothing but pride that their reputation around the country, and the globe, was mostly due to his wife's brains and confidence. Rosalie was one of a kind, and he felt he was the luckiest man on earth to call her his wife and partner.

"Okay, maybe I do drive slightly faster than the speed limit, but I'm never reckless." Edward smiled thinking about the freedom of being on the open road, the speed so exhilarating it made him feel like flying. Extreme speed was one of his few delights in life. He recently thought of taking up flying lessons but finding time was always the difficultly. He had a full, stressful life revolving around work.

"It must be in the Cullen genes; speed is one thing you adults all have in common." Lily observed, thinking again about her mom's tendency to race around in her Porsche. She giggled to herself as a silly image of her grandma in the Grand Prix, or NASCAR, popped into her head.

"What's so funny, Lily?" Jasper asked looking over his shoulder at her. Emmett was pulling out of the drive way.

"I just saw an image of grandma in a jumpsuit, driving in NASCAR."

Everyone laughed heartily, thinking how odd that would look. "That would be something, wouldn't it?" responded Jasper. He loved his daughter's active mind. She seemed to inherit small parts of his innately accurate perception and his wife's ability to know the future. It was a subtle, but powerful combination.

As Emmett got to the end of their private road, he turned on the stereo and made adjustments to satellite stations.

"Okay, this should bring back memories of good times together." With a flourish, Emmett turned the volume up so loud their ears would probably be bloody within minutes. Out of customized audio system blared Run DMC's _Walk This Way_ featuring Aerosmith, the bass vibrating their whole bodies. Edward and Jasper were immediately laughing loudly, while the kids grabbed their ears and cringed into their seats.

"Oh my god! Someone please kill me now!" yelled Lily. She was ready to throw herself out of the Hummer. Good thing the SUV wasn't moving yet. Lily watched with horrifying amusement as her dad and her uncles' bobbed their heads and sang loudly along with Steven Tyler. Dear lord, someone save me, she thought not knowing whether to laugh at them or be embarrassed for them. Unfortunately, her cousins seemed to like the song enough to start screaming the lyrics right along with them. Ugh, we need more girls in the family, Lily thought holding her ears.

"Alright, alright. I'll turn it down to a respectable level." Emmett made the volume adjustment as he turned on to the main road into Forks. Another song by some group called the Beastie Boys came on making Emmett sing again at the top of his lungs. Lily was sure this was some form of special torture, as she realized the drive would be a walk down memory lane thanks to the 80's satellite radio station. He was still singing loudly as they moved closer into town.

As the song came to a close, a brief station id was followed by a new song. Once the slightly familiar tune started, Lily watched Edward flinch. Emmett and Jasper exchanged a brief knowing look. Just as Emmett was about to change the station, Lily asked what the name of the song was. The melody was fast but had a distinctive longing element to it.

_Whenever I'm alone with you, you make me feel like I am home again.  
Whenever I'm alone with you, you make me feel like I am whole again._

"It's called Lovesong by the Cure." Edward stated with barely concealed sadness.

_Whenever I'm alone with you, you make me feel like I am free again.  
Whenever I'm alone with you, you make me feel like I am clean again._

"I think I've heard this song before, but someone else sings it now." Lily said to Edward. "I like it. It's so sincere, like someone putting all their cards on the table; they're so devoted and in love that have no reason to hold back."

Edward felt the cold slip of an invisible knife slide between his ribs right into his soul. The sharp pain in his chest was poison, polluting any joy he felt in his life right now. Of course this song would have to come on now. Of course it was still so powerful, dispensing its intensely harsh judgment of his unforgivable, idiotic sins. This was Bella's favorite song when they were together; she would play it for him and tell him it was how she felt, how she would always love him. Damn the Cure. If I had the courage, I would cut out my own heart and leave it on her doorstep, he thought. Maybe that would be a start at some sort of redemption for his soul, if he even had one left. He was sure it was lost along with her. Yes, this familiar poison would be the gift that kept on giving, never letting him forget how he deserved the pain of love he threw away.

Lily watched as Edward stare out into the forest moving by so fast, it was a green blur. She listened to the lyrics and understood it was a love song that had some deep meaning to her uncle, and it obviously brought back painful memories, not about Tanya but someone else he loved; someone he still loves.

_However far away, I will always love you.  
However long I stay, I will always love you.  
Whatever words I say, I will always love you._

Emmett changed the station to a sports news station, as they slowed their speed within the town limits. Everyone was quiet, lost in their own thoughts. Kyle and Liam started talking quietly again about the new horror release. Jasper and Emmett started talking about the Seattle Seahawks season and Edward pulled out his palm pilot making notes and sending emails. Lily wished again that she didn't forget her ear buds for her MP3 player, thinking how uncomfortable the atmosphere felt now. She felt eyes on her and looked up to see her father smiling at her over his shoulder, holding up her ear buds.

"Thanks, dad." She glowed with happiness. "Anytime, Lily Bell."

Before Lily had the chance to decide on a playlist, they pulled up into La Push, and proceeded down to First Beach. There was no one there, and the weather had cleared up into a beautiful warm day.

In no time, everyone was out of the Hummer and walking down toward the ocean. The water was a dark blue grey with small waves pushing onto the sand. Jasper took Lily by the hand and guided her over the rocky trail down to the flatter portion of the beach. Emmett warned his boys not to hike too far away from the beach, and to stay together. Nodding their heads in unison, they headed toward the tide pools. Edward took his time, strolling slowly after them. It had been a very long time since he came down to La Push. He was probably still in high school the last time he was here for a bonfire with Bella. He knew she had family friends here, but after they split, he never had any inclination to come down here unless it was on a strange whim to walk into the ocean and swim across the Pacific. Would that count as suicidal ideation?

Jasper was leading Lily toward a grouping of driftwood sticking out of the sand, pulling out his camera and taking a picture of them. Emmett was the first on the beach, tossing a football around, trying to goad Edward into a little 'catch.' Not really ready for anything too physical, he started walking along the edge of the ocean with Emmett.

"Dude, sorry about that in the car." They walked alone together for a while.

"It's ok. It was a long time ago, and it shouldn't bother me anymore."

"Yeah, maybe it shouldn't, but it does still bother you. You may think you're a good actor, but you can't lie to your brother."

Edward gazed down at the soil, not wanting to see the pity on his brother's face. "Well, what can I say; it sucks to be me."

"Alright, I know you said you never wanted to talk about it, but I just can't take the mystery or the misery anymore. What the hell happened to you and Bella? She was so perfect for you; I don't get it."

The wall of daggers came crushing down on him again, and although he had years of experience suppressing his heartbreak, the way Emmett asked broke that protective wall around his secret. Emmett was concerned for his welfare; he could hear it in his voice. He had asked many times in the beginning but finally gave up when he married Tanya.

"It was my fault. I am a soulless monster. I did the worst thing I've ever done in my life." Edward pulled his eyes closed with his hands, too afraid to see the reaction on his brother's face when he told this horrible truth. Emmett was always the big brother to Bella, her protector. This revelation would not go well, but at least he'd get it off his chest and face a small part of the wrath his family would bring down on him.

"What did you do, Edward?" Okay, Emmett's tone was warning enough that nothing would be forgiven easily. He braced himself for a violent impact. Edward took a few more steps, thinking this place wouldn't be a bad place to die if Emmett felt the need to strangle him. It was a beautiful and serene.

"I cheated on Bella. She found out and left me, not that I blame her. I never meant to hurt her, or ever be with anyone else. We had a life planned together, and I betrayed her in the worst way, in the most tragically agonizing way. I killed any love she had for me. I killed our future, for nothing, and I'll pay for it for the rest of my life."


	8. Chapter 8

Just in time for the weekend, an update!! Woohoo!! Yeah, I know; I've been a slacker with horrible morning sickness. Writing is hard to do when you want to hurl every other minute. Okay, enough whining. Like I said before, this is part of a couple of chapters involving First Beach. I'll try to do bettter with the next update. Just a question: Is Edward beyond redemption? I've asked a few people and I'm still on the fence. Let me know what you think, please. Anywho, enjoy the read.

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

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The sound of driftwood buried in wet sand being pulled from the ground was alien and frightening, like an angry tearing of teeth on soft flesh. The sucking sound of the wet earth and groaning creaks of the man-sized weakened branches echoed along with the fierce grunts of the terrifyingly strong man initiating the violent upheaval. Emmett had, with his brute strength and raw adrenaline-fueled outrage, uprooted a branch that would have taken several grown men to move alone. This was not good, Edward thought as he stood still with his eyes wide.

Still not feeling his anger and adrenaline reach a safe level, Emmett picked up his football and threw it as far as he could into the ocean. The ball raced through the air until it was a tiny dot swallowed by the wavy blue-gray horizon.

Quickly walking away a few yards, Emmett turned to face Edward, breathing heavily and balling his hands into fists. Emmett had never looked so dangerous in his life, Edward thought. _Death Zombies_ had nothing on his brother's intense menacing expression; Emmett looked ready to kill, truly deadly. Several minutes passed as Emmett stared down his brother, as he contemplated what Edward had done to his dear Bella.

"Okay, Edward. Now let's hear the rest." Emmett's mind went into hyperdrive, the adrenaline clearing all the decks of nonessential thoughts, quickly moving through a horrible simulation of how his brother broke Bella's heart. He knew there was more; his instincts for her endless love pointed to some missing piece that was crucial.

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Jasper had just turned toward Lily when he heard the violent uprooting of driftwood. Lily turned toward the sound a few seconds earlier and felt a distant horrible rippling in her body; something bad was going to happen here. Her face went white and she stiffened until her form looked like it shrank into an eight year old version of herself.

"Lily! Lily, what's wrong?" he exclaimed. As he saw her face, Jasper immediately grabbed her by the shoulders, pulling her into his arms and emotionally pouring any strength he had into his scared intuitive daughter. He had never seen his daughter look so frightened. He knew she 'saw' something; her expression was too close to Alice's face when she 'saw' something she didn't like or the vision had a bad outcome.

"Daddy, something bad is going to happen. I don't know what; I just feel it. Something is fogging over me, like a dark cloud. I can't see anyone in my head." Lily started to shake, shrinking more into her delicate frame. Jasper held his child tight, sending her every ounce of his love right into her heart like a powerful ray of light. Slowly, Lily felt herself steady in her father's arms, feeling the love radiate from him like her personal star he carried in his chest. He rocked her and kissed her hair, rubbing her back as he held her tight against him. His gaze shifted to the sound he heard earlier, and saw Edward and Emmett on the beach looking at each other as the log lay between them like a hostile armored border.

Clearly something was going on between his brothers but he was too far away to hear them speaking. The alarms involved with his own 'gift' were going off; something was shifting between them. He could almost feel the walls of a fortress being built, or were they strategic barriers for battle? Jasper couldn't tell immediately. All he felt was fear, anger, doubt, and suffering. This was something he never felt in his family. Something was wrong, and his daughter's reaction was proof of it.

Jasper slowly walked Lily up away from the beach to a large driftwood tree that appeared to be a well used bench. He sat her down and kneeled before her.

"Lily, I know you are scared, but I won't let anything happen, okay?" he said in his soothing voice. Lily stared into his clear blue eyes, and felt some reassurance. She nodded her head.

"I'm going to go down to your uncles on the beach and see what's going on. You'll be able to see me the whole time. If you get scared, you yell for me, okay?" Jasper touched Lily's face and smiled at her, hoping this would resolve itself soon, for his daughter's sake.

"Okay, daddy" Lily responded in a small voice. He felt his phone vibrating in his jacket pocket, but ignored it until he was a reasonable distance from his daughter. Slowly, he got up and turned to follow the rocky trail down to the beach.

When he was half way down the trail, he pulled the phone from his pocket and hit his speed dial.

"What the hell's happening, Jasper!? I know something's wrong; I saw everything haze over after I 'saw' Lily turn white!" Alice was yelling into the phone, almost hysterical. He heard Rose and Esme in the background trying to soothe Alice, asking questions.

"I don't know, Alice, but Lily is safe. I'm heading to meet Edward and Emmett on the beach. When I know more I'll call you right back, okay love?" Jasper knew that would not be enough for his wife's piece of mind; he'd give her twenty minutes until he heard her Porsche screeching to a halt beside Emmett's Hummer ready to take down anyone who threatened her family.

"Jasper, so help me, if you are lying by omission, you'll be sleeping in the garage for the rest of the year!" That promise made Jasper wince.

"Love, calm down. I will tell you everything I know as soon as I know it. Just think of Lily now, and send her all your good thoughts, okay?"

With a deep sigh, Alice agreed and ended the call. Jasper knew this was just the beginning of the scariest, longest roller coaster ride of their lives.

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Jake Swan had just left the Atera residence after a short visit when he heard the strangest sound from the beach. The sound was eerie, and he felt the hairs on his neck stand up and something tingle in the back of his brain.

Jake spent half an hour with Quil Jr. playing around with his computer when he decided to head down to his tree bench. Quil was grounded for the rest of the holiday break for terrorizing his younger siblings and cousins so he was not able to spend much time visiting. While Quil went to empty the trash and bring in some wood for the fireplace for his mother, Jake did something impulsive. He googled the Cullen family, speed reading the accomplishments of Dr. Carlisle Cullen to the surgical field, and found articles about the environmentally-sound and innovative designs of Esme Cullen. He read short descriptions of Alice and Jasper Whitlock's careers in fashion design and as a university professor, respectively. He clicked on the website for Emmett and Rosalie's business, marveling at the exotic cars they brokered and maintained. The last website was the one he spent the most time scrutinizing; the Cullen Heart Institute. The picture of Edward Cullen holding a baby girl, smiling at her like she was the center of his universe made his heart ache in a strange, yet familiar way. Jake couldn't pinpoint the cause for the pain, only aware that this man was the reason for his mom's heartache. To Jake, Edward didn't look the part of a monster, just another man anonymous in his life; oblivious to everything except this child's cherubic smile. He felt his heart squeeze again and it confused him.

The Cullens were an accomplished family, each thriving in ways that highlighted their talents and skills. Jake found it interesting to see two physicians in the family; it reminded him of his own parents. He imagined the lively conversations on medical techniques; older, established practice verses newer cutting edge innovations in the field. It made him remember his mom and dad arguing the best treatments for various ailments, each with their own preferences reflecting their education and background. It made him smile briefly to himself thinking back to his younger years. The Cullens surely had similar lively conversations, some probably less serious since they were a large family with several siblings. Again, his heart ached in a strange painful way.

As Jake walked toward the trail leading to the beach, he caught sight of a huge Hummer parked close to the trailhead. He slowed and then gazed down toward the ocean. He saw two men on the beach facing each other and a third half way down the trail talking on a cell phone. He slowly made his way down the trail toward his bench, watching the interaction, his eyes focusing on the uprooted log lying at the edge of the water. How did they pull that thing out of the sand? It would have taken a few guys to do that, he thought.

Lost in his speculation, he moved to his bench automatically without hesitation. As he was about to sit down, he realized he wasn't alone. There sat the girl he met yesterday; Lily Whitlock gazed up at him small and wide-eyed, looking like she saw a ghost.

Instinctively, he slowed and smiled calmly at her trying to appear as nonthreatening as possible. Lily's eyes brightened and she smiled back and relaxed.

"Hello, Lily." Jake's eyes locked with hers and he felt something strange shift inside him, changing the course of his whole life. He couldn't explain it. Lily was captivating to him somehow.

"Hi, Jake" Lily responded feeling the connection too, but not sure what it meant. A part of her foggy vision began to clear a bit, but she still felt somehow unsure and absolutely content at the same time.

"What are you doing here, Lily? I mean, I'm glad to see you again, but where's your family?" Jake's concern was evident.

Lily snapped out of her brief daze, momentarily disarmed by Jake's presence.

"Oh! Sorry. I'm here with my dad, uncles and cousins. They're down on the beach, and I think my cousins are at the tide pools. My dad wanted to get us out of the house for a few hours." Lily spoke with more assurance in her voice, quickly remembering how she must look to him after her 'vision.'

Jake shifted his gaze down to the beach again, watching the men group together around the log. He looked again at Lily as she stared back at him, a small smile on her face.

"Oh. I thought I was going to have the beach to myself today. I should've known better with weather like this." Jake said with his familiar crooked grin. Lily felt something click inside her but she couldn't put her finger on what just happened; the revelation was elusive; how ironic and frustrating at the same time.

"May I join you?" he said graciously. Jake gestured to 'his' bench Lily sat on.

"Sure." Lily moved over and brushed away any dirt on the log, then patted the seat. She seemed more at ease and had more color to her, Jake noticed as he took the seat. Lily could feel the heat from his body coming off him in waves, like he was her personal space heater. No wonder he didn't have a jacket yesterday, Lily thought. He's hot. Lily scrunched her face, not sure how she meant 'hot.'

"You're hot. Oh, I mean, you're really warm." Lily stammered, feeling foolish all of a sudden. Geez, could I sound more like an idiot, Lily thought chiding herself for lack of better small talk.

Again, Jake smiled his crooked grin at her and chuckled, pulling his guitar onto his lap. Lily blushed and adjusted herself on the log.

"Do you play, or do you just carry around that guitar to impress girls?" Lily asked, boldly, regaining her confidence.

"Yes, I play. Actually, I play a lot; it helps me think." Jake's mind quickly ran through all the information he just gathered on her family; suddenly he felt like a stalker. His smile fell slightly at the thought.

"Do you mind playing something now?" Lily loved listening to her father play his guitar for her; it was soothing and usually helped her relax when she was upset. Jake's smile lifted again, as he started playing a slow piece he wrote for his mother. It sounded like a lullaby, sweet and comforting. The sound of the ocean in the background made the piece even more inviting for rest. Jake opened his eyes, not realizing he closed them while he played. Lily had just opened her eyes too. She seemed much more relaxed now.

"Did you like that, Lily?" Jake was interested to know how it made her feel, although by her softened posture he could tell the music worked its magic like it did for his mom.

"Yes, it was so beautiful." Lily's eyes seemed so blue, so friendly to Jake. They would be close forever, he knew it.

"I wrote that for my mom. She tends to get tense with work, so I play it a lot when she's home." Jake strummed random notes, making them into an unconscious pattern.

Lily remembered how interested her family was in Jake; that wasn't surprising since Jake was so intriguing to her. She took the opportunity to get to know him; she wanted to give her family a better picture of Jake as a whole person, not just some image on her phone.

"Jake, where do you come from? Are you from La Push?"

"No, I grew up in France where my father's family comes from, in a small community south of Paris. For the past few years, my mom and I have lived in Arizona, but before that I lived in Florida with my grandmother. I spend time with my grandfather and his adopted family here in Washington, mostly in La Push." It sounded complicated to him as he explained his residence to Lily.

"France. Wow, that's great. Sounds like you move around a lot. I bet you've seen a lot of the world." Lily tried to imagine moving around like Jake did; it sounded so exciting.

"Well, probably more than most people, but I have my parents to thank for that. They are truly world travelers, moving around mostly for work. I'd stay behind in France or Florida when they were out in the field working."

"My Uncle Emmett and Aunt Rosalie have a car business that takes them all over the world sometimes, but I've never been outside the country. What do your parents do? Do they have some sort of business too?" Lily was genuinely curious as she turned herself to face Jake.

"No. My parents were part of Doctors Without Borders. They're both physicians; they worked mostly in Africa on HIV and immunization projects. My dad still works for them occasionally, but my mom has her own practice now in Arizona." Jake thought of his parents, proud of the work they did.

"Doctors Without Borders. Hmm, I think I've heard of them. I'd have to ask my grandfather but I think I heard him talk about his friend joining them for a year."

Jake didn't ask about her family, knowing more after his visit with Quil just a little less than an hour ago. He started to quietly play another piece, thinking again about the picture of Edward holding the baby in his arms.

"My grandfather and uncle are both doctors too, but they mostly practice in one place I think." Lily paused as she thought about her family and how close they were; well, most of them were close.

"So your uncle is a physician too. What's he like?" Jake made eye contact with Lily, dazed by the sheer intensity of his focus, and she felt the inquiry was the tip of the iceberg. The question was: was she the Titanic or was it someone else?

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Bella and Charlie rode together in her rental car down to the Black's residence. Bella surprised her father by showing up at his door shortly after noon having driven quickly from the Port Angeles airport to see her son. Since today was a holiday, she found very little delays in her travel. Most travelers had made their treks yesterday or the day before. She was disappointed Jake wasn't home, but not entirely surprised he was cooking down in La Push.

As the lush forest moved passed them, Charlie glanced at Bella examining his face. She looked tired but happy to see her son. He remembered how she would always have this expression, eager to wrap her arms around her dear boy. Jake was the center of her life, center of her heart. Bella always came back to life when she was reunited with Jake, like she couldn't really breathe until she saw him again.

"So Bella honey, I'm still surprised to see you here. Not that I'm complaining or anything; I'd love nothing more than to see you guys as often as possible, but I didn't know you were planning on coming home. Jake didn't mention it to me at all."

"Jake doesn't know I'm here, dad. I just couldn't stand spending the holiday alone, or at work. I don't know why but I just felt the need to see him with my own eyes, hold him with my own arms."

Ah, there were go, Charlie thought. Jake never called his mom, so he still hasn't told her about running into Alice and her daughter yet. That would explain why Bella is only anxious to see Jake; if she knew about Alice, she would be edgy and paranoid too.

"Well, honey, it's good to have you home for the holiday. I sure missed you, and I'm happy as a clam to have Jake here with me too. It feels right to me."

Bella glanced over at her father, smiling at the grand show of emotion. For Charlie Swan, those few phrases amounted to an all-out declaration of his whole heart. Bella grinned in response, trying not to tear up. Just when she was a mile away from the turn off to the La Push community, a yellow Porsche came out of nowhere and flew right past her.

"What the hell!" Charlie exclaimed. If they had taken his patrol car, he could've pursued this knucklehead clearly driving way over the speed limit. Since he was with Bella, off-duty and had no way to contact anyone on patrol today, he could do nothing but sit back and hope that the driver slowed down before someone got hurt.

"Someone's in a hurry to get home, I guess. Maybe their turkey's ready to burn, or dinner's already started without them." Bella grinned at her dad, laughing.

"Burnt dinner or high water, there's no excuse for driving like a maniac on these roads. People should remember that speed limits are set for a reason." Charlie huffed.

As they pulled off the main road into La Push, Bella felt herself relax. In moments, Jake would be in her arms again, soothing her heart and brightening her day. The road curved away into a clearing framing the small community she loved so much. Small modest homes lined the road, with driveways filled with cars, families converging together for this holiday. The Quileute people were a tight knit community, and she knew each family in these houses having spent so many years with them. They were very much her family as much as Charlie was. The Black residence came into view and it was a sight for sore eyes for Bella. Now, she felt like it was home for the holidays. She saw Charlie's old Jeep parked out front, and she shook her head at her father.

"Well, Mr. Law Enforcement, do you mind explaining to me why you're letting a fifteen year old boy drive without a license?" Bella was irked; she already told Charlie not to let Jake drive until he got his learner's permit.

Charlie blushed and cleared his throat as he got out of the car, avoiding his daughter's scrutiny. Bella got out, slamming her door. The sound prompted Jacob Black to open the door and investigate who was in the unfamiliar vehicle. With a bounding step, Jacob leaped off the porch and yelled "Bella!"

Jacob pulled Bella into a full hug, swinging her around in the air. Bella screamed and then laughed at his enthusiasm, hugging him back with all her might. It was two years since she last saw Jacob, but they stayed in regular contact by phone and email. Jacob was so happy to see her he forgot he was still squeezing the living daylights out of her.

"Jake.. can't breathe…" Bella squeaked, going slightly limp.

"Oh, sorry Bells. I'm just so happy to see you!" Jacob's smile could have lit the whole community. Bella was sure his cheeks would be sore by the end of the day.

"I'm happy to see you too Jake. Now, where is my boy? Is he cooking up a storm?" Bella moved into the house and greeted Billy with a hug.

"Hey Charlie, happy Thanksgiving." Jacob followed behind the Swans into his father's home. "Yes, our boy wonder is cooking up what he calls a 'small dinner,' but it's pretty big and looks like he inherited some of those French culinary skills. Bells, he made some kind of pear tart like it was easy as breathing. He is so amazing." Jacob gushed over his nephew, truly in awe of his talents.

"Jake, mom's here!" Bella called toward the kitchen. She looked ready to crawl out of her skin in anticipation of holding her son.

"He's not here, Bella. He was cooking for a few hours, finishing up some of the side dishes when he decided to go for a walk. I think he went to visit the Atera's."

Bella was disappointed. She built up this moment all morning and the whole drive over from Port Angeles. Her expression looked pained, but she recovered and hugged Jacob again, burying her face in his enormous frame.

"I can call Quil and see if he's there if you like." Billy offered, wanting to see the reunion of mother and child. Seeing Bella's face light up with the mere mention of Little Jake made him miss his own girls. He wished they could have come this holiday.

"No, it's okay. He'll be back soon and he needs to spend time with his cousins while he's here. He sees me every day at home."

"So, what's new Charlie?" Jake asked. They sat down in the small living room, making themselves comfortable while Bella went to pour herself some coffee. Jake tried to intervene, attempting to be a gracious host but Bella swatted his hands away from the mugs and the coffee machine.

"I've got this, Jake. I probably know where things are in this kitchen better than you do." Bella chided. She immediately jumped into the conversation, wanting to address something that was bugging her.

"Yes, dad. Why don't you tell us all about how the new legal driving age is fifteen." Bella stared her father down, knowing he had no excuse.

"Alright Bella, you're right. Jake is a little young to be driving, but he is mature for his age and very responsible." Bella studied her father's face, knowing this was directly related to Charlie missing the chance to father a son, to pass on some paternal wisdom like how to drive, fish and general "how to be a good man" talks. He was always attentive to Bella, but since she was female, many times he felt out of his element. Although she still didn't agree with this venue for male bonding, she softened at the tenderness her father felt for his grandchild. Jacob Swan was the boy Charlie never had, and was grateful for anything he could teach him.

"Okay, dad. He can drive, as long as it's with you in the Jeep and not in traffic or on the highway. I guess it doesn't matter much since he's pretty close to his birthday anyway." Bella shivered at the thought of her baby boy on the road, imagining him in his old carseat behind the wheel.

In an attempt to change the subject, Jacob told Bella about his experimental cooking taking place in the backyard. Bella followed Jake into the backyard, listening to him explain how he saw it done in Hawaii. She laughed, hoping the ham turned out okay. They talked for a while, quickly catching up on their lives. It was mostly a recap of the past week since they talked so much on the phone already, but it was great to be there together, to feel that special bond they shared as best friends.

Bella marveled at the weather, enjoying the sun and warmth. She finally got a good look at the familiar background. Some of the kids were playing outside, and a few people were taking a stroll along the sidewalks, not really in any hurry or having any clear destination. They were friendly faces just out enjoying the day.

Bella glanced at the trailhead leading to the beach, and froze. That yellow Porsche was parked close by next to a huge SUV. Without thinking, she started walking toward it. Jake took this cue to be her wish to sit at their usual spot, and thought maybe Little Jake would be there too.

"Hey Bells, I'm gonna add another log to my fire pit and then run inside and let them know we're headed for the beach."

Bella nodded her head as she kept walking, now with some urgency. As she got closer to the Hummer, she saw the license plate said "CullenInc" fueling her screaming inner voice. She felt a sudden flood of ice water invade her organs. Alice. The yellow Porsche belonged to Alice; she knew it without doubt. Alice is here, and she was in a hurry a few minutes ago. Why would she be in a hurry? Bella thought, her mind scrambling in every direction. Her heart was pounding frantically like it had when she studied Edward's face online last night.

Oh my God! Where's Jake?! Where's my son?! Bella broke into a sprint as she ran passed the extravagant cars.

Bella scanned the beach and saw three men together talking animatedly. She felt herself freeze over again when recognition hit her. The Cullens were here; she recognized Emmett and Jasper, and with a cruel whipping sensation, she recognized Edward. Bella could almost hear the malicious dragon that lay dormant in her soul awaken, and growl fiercely, announcing its return. It wanted to soar into the clear blue sky and then tear her apart; this time she had no hope she would survive its attack. She wanted to run, be struck down by lightening, to drown in the ocean all at once. Suddenly, Jake's face popped into her head, and refocused her. Bella was desperate to find her son, stumbling down the trail until she cleared the small trees that obscured the tree bench from view.

Bella halted in her steps, her heart beating erratically, and her wide eyes fixed on Jake. Bella's eyes fell on each person slowly, and she felt she was drowning under the pounding force of a waterfall. Before Jake could say anything, he looked at each person's face then back at his mom. Jake was suddenly apprehensive seeing the shock and fear on his mother's face. Are the Cullens dangerous, he thought suddenly.

"Mom, I think you remember Alice, Esme and Rosalie. This is Alice's daughter, Lily." Jake spoke carefully like a police officer would speak to a cornered criminal. He rose slowly, moving toward her with a panicked look. He had never seen her look like this, so scared. Bella shifted her gaze to each woman, looking like she was trembling on a tight rope.

Alice took a step toward Bella, and Bella flinched away like Alice was infected with Ebola. Alice's face was pained, but steady.

"Jake, I think your mom has perfect memory of us. Hello Bella."


	9. Chapter 9

AN: Yes, I know it was cruel to leave everyone hanging with the last chapter. Sorry. Honestly, I stop my chapters where it feels right to me, where it feels organic, or where I'm still not sure which direction I want to go. Anywho, don't get too excited about having more frequent updates; I'm totally caving under peer pressure for this chapter -- You people know who you are! I do want to thank everyone who gave me feedback on whether Edward was beyond redemption. It gave me a few things to consider. Like I said before, he's not the easiest person to write, and I always feel some fleeting impulse to kill him off. Anyway, at least for a this chapter, Edward lives. Enjoy the story, and if so inclined, let me know what you think.

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

As the rage in Emmett's eyes burned bright, I thought of how I had lied to my whole family for fifteen years. Well, I didn't exactly lie, right? That awful question swirled through Edward's head peeling away all the pretenses he built with his family since he got married.

Emmett saw right through me, Edward thought; he gave Emmett the explanation he'd practiced in his mind for years, but could never bring himself to say because the very sound of it shredded Edward from the inside out. He never included the worst part of my crime because? Oh, I know why, Edward thought. The truth laid bare to the sun and my family was hideous proof of my hypocrisy. He couldn't say it without it burning him alive and condemning him to the worst fate: a worthless life alone.

I deserved this though, he believed. I deserved so much more; I deserved to be emotionally crucified. Nothing could stop this tidal wave of pain now, Edward realized. It was clear on the horizon.

"Well!? Let's have it, Edward! Let's have the whole truth here and now!" Emmett was still seething, ready to launch that driftwood log between them at his younger brother. Emmett and Edward were close when were younger, but Edward's marriage had set them adrift in different directions like two strangers in a sea of faces. They were acquaintances now, not brothers; Edward made it so by not trusting his family's reaction or their love for him. As this realization hit Edward like a slap to his face, he saw Jasper approaching them with an intensely worried expression. Jasper could feel the rift growing between the brothers, and he strategically positioned himself in neutral territory between them.

Taking a deep breath and swallowing hard, Edward closed his eyes and frowned. "What I say here is true and I won't blame you for what you may think of me after. Just let me finish telling you the whole story before you kill me." He braced himself again, but this time for their disgusted reaction.

"I slept with someone else, but that's not the worst part of it. It happened at a fraternity party when I had too much to drink. I didn't realize how stressed out I was with midterms and hoping for medical school acceptance letters; Bella was still in Florida ready to start her linguistic studies abroad. I just wanted to let off a little steam so I accepted my roommate Greg's invitation to a party. Like I said, I had too much to drink but I didn't realize it until I was stumbling over my own feet. I know that's no excuse for what I did, but like I said, that wasn't the worst part. I slept with someone else, and the woman in question got pregnant. When she told me three weeks later, I felt my life freefall. I thought then I had to do the right thing: I had to marry her. So, that is what I did; I married Tanya." Edward felt ready to break under his own admission. He never thought he'd feel any relief finally confessing his sins, but he hoped it would at least set some demons free. I was wrong again, he thought. It only made him feel worse. Figures.

"Telling Bella this was absolutely the worst experience in my life; seeing the look on her face, knowing I was the one person she trusted completely and I was responsible for the worst damage to her was absolutely gut-wrenching. I may as well have killed myself in that moment; that would have been less agonizing. I thought about how I'd ruined our whole life with one careless night; it annihilated both of us. I'm beyond sorry for all of it. I'm so sorry that I can't even begin to tell you how completely wretched I've felt all these years."

Emmett looked ready to charge, ready to tear Edward's limbs from his body. Jasper felt the same intense rage radiating off his brother in waves; it made them both flinch away.

"What the HELL is wrong with you!! For someone so smart, I can't believe what a COMPLETE IDIOT you are!!" Emmett stomped away a few steps turning away from them.

Jasper stood quiet for a moment before looking Edward in the eye, clearly beyond disappointed.

"What did Bella say or do when you told her?" He tried not to seem sickened but he had the look of tasting something vile, his face twisted in nausea. Edward felt tears leaking from his eyes.

"She broke down and then took off. I ran after her, but she caught a cab and I guess she flew back to Florida." Edward bent over, catching his knees as he started to crumble.

"I tried to call her but she changed her numbers. I sent her emails, she changed that too. I even tried her parents but they were less than helpful. I thought she'd keep in touch with Alice or mom, but she cut off all communication with them as well." He felt his head spinning. "I lost her, Jasper. I lost her and I hate myself for it."

"You LOST her?? Are you kidding me, you arrogant bastard!! YOU THREW HER AWAY!! And for what? Tanya?" Emmett was yelling, ready to hit him. "You gave up your soul mate for some distorted sense of honor? This isn't the 1917, you prick! If you think our parents would have expected that from you, then you don't know us half as well as you think! That wasn't honor, Edward. That was pure vanity and self-pity! YOU NEVER DESERVED BELLA!"

"I know that!! Don't you think I know that? You don't think I punish myself enough every day thinking of how I LOST the best part of my life? It's like I made a deal with the devil, Emmett. I'm already living in hell, so DON'T TELL ME SOMETHING I ALREADY KNOW. Bella's always deserved someone better than me but I never meant to hurt her, Emmett. I loved her with my whole heart and soul! I still love her; I'll always love her, more than anyone, more than anything. I'd gladly trade places with her if I could; I deserve it."

"You LOVE her? Is this how you showed her you LOVE her? YOU LOVE YOURSELF, you selfish whiny jackass! You are so lucky that it's daylight and there are witnesses here because that is the only thing keeping me from murdering you!"

Jasper immediately positioned himself between them, buffering the hostility emanating off Emmett like an enormous bonfire. Jasper walked toward Emmett, holding his hands in front of him trying to prompt Emmett to restrain himself.

"Emmett, calm down! You're gonna blow a blood vessel if you don't cool it! Calm down, man; use your head."

"No, Jasper! He needs to hear this. All these years we wondered what happened between him and Bella, and then felt sorry for him when his marriage choked the life out of him. The whole family felt some sort of pity for him, and he gave us the impression Bella just waltzed out of our lives like she went on vacation. No, Jasper! He led us to believe something that isn't true; He destroyed someone we all love like family! He did more than throw Bella away; Edward killed any hope that she'd ever be happy!" Emmett was growling through his words now. "Look me in the eye, Jasper. Do you think Bella is happy now, knowing what you know?" Jasper knew exactly what Emmett was alluding to: the questionable paternity of Jacob Swan.

Jasper became pale and drawn with that thought.

"No, she never recovered."

Emmett and Jasper exchanged a knowing thought, then in unison stood to face a confused, emotionally battered Edward.

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Bella Swan felt herself break into a cold sweat, her mind frantically trying to scan for a way to escape her worst nightmare. Her heart was pounding out a violent rhythm, aching with fear as she shifted her feet to flee.

Jake moved closer to her slowly as if he was trying to escape the jaws of a dangerous sleeping animal. He was scared like he'd never been scared in his entire life; truly afraid he would lose something precious. The impulse to dive into his mother's arms was so great, but he had to be slow and smart or else she would crumble beneath this intense panic.

"Mom, what's wrong?" Jake asked in a small voice neither had heard in ten years. He sounded like a lost boy, terrorized by sudden vulnerability.

"Bella, what's wrong? I'm sorry if we're scaring you; we'd never hurt you." Alice took another step toward them. Bella flinched away again, this time Jake jumped toward his mother's arms.

"Jake, we have to go. We have to go now." Bella's face was a bleak façade.

"Mom! What's wrong? Please, tell me!"

"Jake, please! Please just come with me now!" Bella was pleading; begging like their lives depended on it. Her eyes were wild with fear, her heart rate continuing to climb. She started to hear a ringing in her ears as her vision slowly gained a greenish cast.

Lily placed her hand on Esme's forearm, prompting Esme to stop her mother from driving Bella from her psychological precipice. Rosalie embraced Lily, pulling her shaky niece into the cradle of her arms. Lily felt the dark, endless drop opening up before Jake's mom; if she fell now, Jake's life would become filled with heartache.

"Alice, let's give Bella a moment with her son." Esme placed her arms around Alice, pulling her away from Bella. Bella felt her armor shift slightly in Lily's direction. In this moment, Bella's life flashed before her eyes, and she felt this pass into Lily like a bolt of electricity. Lily's stunned gaze dug into her, laying down stabilizing anchors to keep Jake here with the Cullens. Bella painfully felt Lily mentally claiming Jake as hers, now part of the Cullen clan.

"Mom! Please, tell me what's wrong!" Jake was now the one pleading as he watched his mom go white then limp in front of his eyes.

"MOM! NO!" Jake was yelling, distraught as he caught his mother in his arms.

"Oh my god! Jasper!" Alice was screaming for her husband on the beach.

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The sudden silence and darkness was comforting. Voices and sounds drifted away like Bella was turning down the volume on her stereo. She felt like she was floating in space, weightless in the vast black void.

She couldn't remember why she was there and she had no reason to want to leave. In this quiet sanctuary, Bella curled into herself and drifted away.

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Emmett had heard enough as he faced his brother. He had never been so ashamed of anyone in his whole life. All of his outrage poured out of him, and he felt suddenly sick to his stomach and completely exhausted. He couldn't look at Edward anymore, so he turned away from both his brothers and started walking.

"Hey, where are you going?" Jasper asked, surprised by his sudden departure.

"I'm going to look for my boys then we'll head home. I don't think I ever want to come to this place again." Emmett said, pausing briefly to address Jasper.

It took only a few minutes before Emmett's form disappeared into the nearby tree line. Jasper turned his focus to Edward who was still grasping his knees, looking like he was ready to wretch his guts out.

Before he could say or do anything, Jasper heard his wife screaming frantically for him. He whipped his head around and instantly went into survival mode.

"Edward, something's wrong!" Jasper didn't wait for his brother to come to his senses before he bolted up the trail, hoping this wasn't the foreboding event Lily had 'seen' earlier. Praying his wife and child were safe, he sprinted at full speed.

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Jacob Black didn't intend on taking so long to meet Bella at their tree bench, but when his father asked him to pull some extra chairs out of the garage the quest for more seating turned into a colossal scavenger hunt. Emerging from the garage covered in ancient spider webs, he quickly tended to his fire pit and headed toward the beach. He whistled to himself, surveying the expensive cars parked at the trailhead. Someone had excellent taste and money to burn, he thought.

As he ogled the exotic vehicles, he heard shouting from the trail and it alarmed him.

He moved quickly down the trail, scanning for the origin of the voices. He saw Little Jake lowering Bella onto the ground carefully, surrounded by the Cullen women. Bella was a strange pale shade, and he saw a sliver of her vacant, gazed eyes. His heart stopped in its tracks for a few moments, then restarted at a rapid pace. He had to get her out of there fast.

Jacob moved to his nephew's side, ready to pick up his best friend and race her to the hospital.

"What happened, Jake? What happened to your mom?"

Just as Jacob Black crouched down to assess Bella for injuries, Jasper and Edward arrived on the scene. Edward felt the wind knocked out of him as he stared at Bella unconscious on the ground.

"I don't know, Uncle Jake. She was really afraid, and it was scaring me. She looked ready to run and then she just lost consciousness. Before she fell, I grabbed her and lowered her to the ground." Jake Swan was on the verge of tears, clinging to his mother's hand as his uncle felt for Bella's pulse.

"Mom, please wake up!!" Jake was delirious with worry, his face twisted with anxiety and dread.

Mom?? Bella has a son?? Edward felt an invisible fist slam into his brain. The mother of all migraines exploded in his head. There was nothing in his head except the glowing red letters M-O-M flashing behind his eyes intensifying the already excruciating pain. Bella was this boy's mother. Edward suddenly felt the world spin around him.

Jacob Black quickly started to focus on his old memories of first aid. Bella's airway was intact, and she was breathing. He already checked for her pulse and that was fine. She didn't seem to have any physical injuries, but he knew something must've made her body shut down. As far as he knew, Bella had no allergies, so that was ruled out. He glanced about the area, suddenly remembering they weren't alone.

"You!" he barked at Alice. "Tell me exactly what happened! I need to know now!"

Alice was frozen in place, clinging to her husband for dear life.

"I think I scared her. I don't know how; I just took a couple steps toward her and she completely freaked out. Then she started begging Jake to leave with her immediately. A couple seconds later, she blacked out." Alice felt guilt wash over her as she recounted the previous minutes. Did she kill her friend? Lily, Rose and Esme clung to each other, afraid they were witnessing a tragedy. Lily felt the fog of her vision clearing with each moment. She could almost see the emotional strings that linked her family together. It made her feel more at ease, feeling her families spiritual presence restored to her. She suddenly focused on the new ties, thin and delicate as a silk thread. Jake and his mother were linking themselves together, and that link was stretching out toward her family too. The whole picture was so close, she felt it.

As Jacob decided Bella was in no danger of a head injury, he made movements to lift her off the ground. Edward suddenly snapped out of his paralyzed state and moved to Bella's side on the ground.

"Bella!! Please, can you hear me?" Edward started his own examination, assessing for any neurological damage. He examined her eyes, trying not to get distracted by his most intimate memories of her deep brown gaze. He continued checking for injuries, finding nothing obvious. He longed to hold her in his arms, inhale her scent from her hair, place his heart close to hers. Jacob growled at him, bring him back to reality.

"What the hell do you think you're doing??" Jacob roared at Edward.

"Can't you see I'm trying to help!" Edward yelled back, tired of being on the receiving end of today's verbal assaults.

"Well, Edward Cullen. I think you've done enough as far as Bella's concerned!! Now get out of my way or I'll throw you down that cliff myself" Jake yelled, pointing at the ocean ridge they use for cliff diving.

Lily gasped, the truth of Jake Swan's origin emerging from the fog like a surreal epiphany. Little Jake locked his eyes with Lily, and felt this unimaginable fact flash between them. He cringed, feeling a horrible dread wash over him. He suddenly felt heart sick as Lily's eyes became teary.

Jacob Black moved in one fluid motion, picking up his beloved best friend, cradling her like a baby in his arms. He started walking briskly up toward his home as his nephew snapped around to face Edward. Alice and Lily's faces suddenly drained of all their color.

"You're Edward Cullen?" Jake had a menacingly sharp expression as he stood face to face with Edward.

Edward felt the remaining bits of his internal organs melt and freeze at the same time. Staring into Bella's son's eyes was not an event he ever imagined. Jake's stunning green eyes matched his own in intensity, their postures mirroring each other in appraisal. The Cullens present stood still in amazement, seeing for the first time the obvious resemblance between the two men. They all stood wide eyed and speechless. Clearly, Jake was Edward's son.

"Yes, I'm Edward Cullen. Who are you?" Edward never saw Jake's response coming.

"The man who wants to give you something you deserve! This is for my mom!"

"No, Jake!" Lily was screaming. Jake whipped around and his eyes bore right into her like a dagger. His anger was beyond measure and nothing could stop what was about to happen.

Jake pulled his arm back and plowed his fist into his unknowing father's face, the smacking sound of knuckles contacting Edward's fine facial bones loud and clear. Jake bolted away before he could do anymore damage to Edward. Edward crumbled to the ground, stunned beyond reason.

As they all watched Jake storm away, they slowly came to their senses. Suddenly, they heard the sounds of a truck tearing away down the road toward the highway.

Again, Lily was screaming, tears flowing freely down her face. She saw a glimpse of this outburst and it tore her heart open.

"NO! JAKE! Oh please, NO! NOT Jake!! NO!!"


	10. Chapter 10

AN: First, sorry for the long wait on the update. Yes, it was longer than I planned but such is life. I've had horrible writer's block, but somehow I squeaked out another chapter. Anywho, I hope this chapter doesn't disappoint. Thanks to everyone who gave me feedback!

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Emmett Cullen was still seething with anger at Edward when he reached the tree line. He took his time on the thin path tracing its way through the forest like a deep brown snake. It was peaceful here in the forest, so quiet and green. Holding his hands out along the trail, he was able to touch the green ferns lightly showering the air with dew. Yes, this walk was what he needed to bring his blood pressure down to a reasonable level. The pain in his chest was throbbing less, but it was being replace with a deep disappointment and the painful aching truth of how Edward had damaged Bella so completely. Why? How could Edward throw her love away? He would never understand this.

As Emmett approached the tide pools, the forest receded back against the coast like a giant green blanket. He saw his sons perched at the edge of a large pool watching the fish zigzag around the dark algae-covered rocks. Emmett marveled at how fast his sons had grown up. It seemed not so long ago that he just about fainted when Rosalie announced they were having twins, boy no less. He remembered the day they were born, how tiny they looked cradled in his arms staring up at him and making cute baby noises. Rose had a long, hard labor but she made it look easy; that was typical Rose though—a beauty even when she was doing the hardest work any human could possibly do. Kyle and Liam were lucky to have her as their mother; she was truly amazing as a parent, so patient, loving and when she had to be, she was so strong. Emmett realized how lucky he was to have such a wonderful family, to have such an incredible partner in life. Not everyone had this. He suddenly felt sad for the family Bella was denied. She should have had this too.

As he approached the pools, Liam looked up then nudged his brother. They rose from the edge of the pools and moved toward their dad. They exchanged a look of concern. Something was wrong.

"Hey dad, what's up?" Kyle was swatting the mud from his jeans as he spoke to his father.

"Are you boys ready to leave? We're getting ready to head home for dinner." Emmett helped Liam brush his coat clean of random twigs and mud.

"Yeah, I guess. Hey, did you hear that freaky sound earlier? It sounded like someone breaking in two! It scared the crap out of us. Kyle almost fell into the pools when he heard it; it caught us off-guard." Liam smirked at his brother.

"Dude, I told you; I stepped on a slippery rock. I was not scared." Kyle's ears and cheeks turned pink with embarrassment.

"Man, you were ready to cry! I saw your eyes tear up!" Liam was smirking at his brother.

"No way! I was not scared and I didn't start crying! I told you; I almost slipped then something flew in my eyes." Kyle was turning red now, but from annoyance.

"Alright boys, that's enough. Yes, I heard it. It was nothing; just a drift log breaking out of the sand."

The boys exchanged a strange look. They had been trying to dislodge a small branch from the beach when they got here and made no progress to even budge it. Whatever moved that log must have been really strong. They both instantly got the feeling there was something more to this story, but the look on their father's face made it clear he wasn't going to talk about it with them. Maybe they could get the scoop from Lily when they got back to Forks.

As they moved toward their father, Emmett took the lead and walked back along the trail he came from. He already felt more relaxed and calm after spending some time with his sons. They always had this effect on him. Sometimes their rambunctious ways got the best of Rosalie, but they always made him feel so whole and content. They were a large part of his connection to the world. They reminded him so much of himself and they brought out the best in him as their father. Yes, Emmett was grateful for his family.

As they reached the clearing to the beach, they saw Edward and Jasper racing up the trail to a group of people. Their frantic pace sent a chill up his spine. Emmett automatically went into a defensive posture. He scanned the area and saw no immediate threat on the beach. They weren't running away from something; they were running toward something. He scanned ahead and saw his family standing further up the trail towards his Hummer. He immediately recognized his wife, sister and mother. This confused him; what were they doing here? Something was wrong. He saw them surrounding people he didn't recognize. Oh no. He saw someone lying on the ground.

"Dad, what's wrong??" Liam now sounded scared, worried by the sudden change in his father's demeanor. Emmett answered, "I don't know but we need to find out now."

Emmett broke into a sprint running along the beach toward the trail, followed closely by his sons. He followed his brothers up toward his family, keeping alert to any danger and ready to fight if necessary. He momentarily thought of what his family was doing there, but questions were second to everyone's safety.

As he saw Edward and Jasper reach the group, someone from La Push reached the down to check the incapacitated body on the ground. Esme, Rosalie, and Lily were huddled together, each scared and transfixed by the body. Jasper had Alice in his arms, holding her tight to him. He was close to reaching the group when Emmett saw the body being lifted from the ground after Edward seemed to try resuscitation. He was too busy trying to identify the woman (yes, he could tell she was female now) being moved, that he didn't initially hear the confrontation until the sound of a fist contacting Edward's face startled him back to the moment.

The tall lean boy with long dark hair had just knocked his brother down then stormed away. Lily and Alice looked ashen. A flash of recognition hit him: that was Bella's son!

"What the hell is going on here?" Emmett was shouting, not sure whether to chase down that boy and return the beating or shake his hand.

Edward was still crumpled in a state of shock on the ground. Rosalie and Esme quickly moved into his arms and clung to him. His boys seemed just as confused as he was. Lily was crying hysterically, gripping onto her parents like she saw the end of the world. Jasper was dazed, holding his family but pulling himself together quickly. As he watched Edward slowly stand, Jasper spoke.

"That was Bella. She seems to have had a shocking reunion with us; I'm not sure but I think she fainted. Then Edward had the unexpected pleasure of meeting Bella's son, Jake." Jasper nodded in Edward's direction. The family watched Edward as the unbelievable situation started to puzzle itself together.

"Why did Jake smack Edward down? Not that I blame him, but I don't get it." The Cullen women exchanged puzzled expressions; something else happened here today. Emmett ignored they're inquiring looks; this was not the time to rehash the hostility he felt for his brother at the moment. He was trying to leave his personal feelings out of the present situation. He needed to get to the bottom of why his family was so distraught.

"He said he was giving me what I deserved for his mom. I imagine he hasn't exactly heard good things about me." Edward was holding the left side of his jaw which was starting to swell and turn a strange shade of purple. Emmett wasn't sure how to feel about this; all he cared about at the moment was how Bella was doing.

"Is Bella ok?" Everyone was silent, tense and full of fear.

"We don't know" Esme said. Tears stained her face as she reached out for Edward, embracing him. Edward looked broken and raw with emotion; he closed his eyes and let the tears leak from his eyes.

Lily was still crying, but trying to say something. Everything she tried to say came out as a strangled whimper. She continued for a few more moments before starting to cry again. Alice and Jasper whispered soothing thoughts to her, rocking her in their arms. Alice steeled herself against her husband then quickly let go of them, running after Bella and whoever carried her away.

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Charlie and Billy had just pulled the turkey out of the oven when they heard the back door slam open then shut. It startled them. Jacob was holding a lifeless Bella in her arms.

"What happened, Jake?" Charlie shouted, clearing a spot on the sofa for his daughter.

"Bella and Little Jake just had a run-in with the Cullens on the trail to the beach. I think she fainted. She's breathing and her heart rate is fine but we need to get her to the hospital quickly just in case." Jacob Black paused to give Billy and Charlie a knowing look. "I think it was just too much for her to take in."

Charlie made a grim face, thinking of how carefully Bella had kept Jake from the Cullens to avoid just such a reunion. As he finished filling in Billy and Charlie, Little Jake came storming in the house. Jake Swan had the look of a twister, fierce and ready to destroy anything in his path. His appearance stung them all; Jake must have met the Cullens along with Bella and something terrible transpired. Jake stopped briefly to look at his mom; his expression was tortured but was quickly replaced with rage. He grabbed his Jeep keys and tore out of the house.

Charlie ran after him, calling his name but a few seconds later they heard the sounds of the old Jeep growling to life and racing away. Charlie came back into the house with a terrified expression.

"Jake took off! I tried to stop him, but he's quick. Beat me to the Jeep in no time flat." Charlie tried to shake of the ominous feeling creeping into him. "Billy, I need to get a hold of Embry or Quil. Who's on patrol for the tribal police today?"

"I think Embry's on today. Quil's home with his family for the holiday." Billy quickly found the cordless phone and started to dial the emergency number for the tribal police. "Yes, this is Billy Black. I need to get a hold of whoever is on patrol today; it's an emergency." The dispatcher quickly connected Billy to Embry who was patrolling the village; Billy filled him in on Little Jake and Bella's situation. Embry called for an ambulance for Bella then went looking for Little Jake on the road leading toward the highway.

Charlie felt a horrible tension in the air. The way his grandson tore out of the house like a bat out of hell made him very nervous and suddenly sorry he ever let him drive. Charlie grabbed the phone again and called his station, putting out the word to the deputy on duty to start moving toward the La Push reservation looking for Jake. He was suddenly terrified Jake was too upset to be in control of that old Jeep, but maybe the Forks police or the Quileute police would stop him before anything bad happened.

As Charlie hung up the phone, he heard someone enter the house through the back door.

"How is she, Charlie?" Alice Whitlock stood in the doorway, looking like she was ready to collapse too.

"I'm not sure, but we called for an ambulance."

"Where's Jake, Charlie?" Alice was getting frantic, and her voice was strained.

"We don't know. He just took off. I called the highway patrol and the tribal police, so I hope they get hold of him soon before he hurts himself. Alice, what happened?" Charlie's face seemed to age twenty years with worry.

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Jacob Swan had never felt like this before, like he was ready to tear out of his own flesh, peel away his own skin. There was a tight fist around his chest, like some monster was squeezing it maliciously. Everywhere he saw red, like he was bleeding from his eyes. He was so angry and so hurt, feeling the poisonous truth snaking its way through his veins.

_I'm that asshole's son. He's the prick that broke my mother's heart and left us alone. He left us alone; he didn't want us**.**_

This thought rang through Jake's head on infinite loop, like some insidious lie, but it wasn't a lie. He felt the demons of his mother's pain unleashed, ravaging his open, tender heart stabbing at it with their steely knives. Each strike they made was more poisonous than the next.

Jake couldn't even begin to wrap his mind around the truth of this toxic revelation, but the look on Lily's face confirmed his dread. How could his mother keep this from him? Why did Edward Cullen leave them? Why did his mother keep them a secret?

Jake's red vision started to get blurry with hot, angry tears. All these years he wondered who his father was; now he knew and he wished he was still in the dark. Why was he kept a secret from the Cullens? Wasn't he good enough for them?? Wasn't he good enough to be Edward's son??

This thought only fuelled his rage toward Edward and his mom. Jake wondered how many people knew who is father really was. Did Charlie and Uncle Jake know? They had to know, he thought. This only made him more furious. Lily figured it out, so some of the other Cullens must have known too. Great, I'm just a big fat idiot for not figuring it out. Jake felt his muscles straining to twist the steering wheel from its column.

As Jake sped along the highway with no particular destination, the rain started up. Jake continued to fume and cry and yell angrily at the top of his lungs. He wanted to drive until he ran out of gas, then run until his legs couldn't carry him anymore. He didn't care where he went, just as long as he could get away from all the misery consuming him, torturing his soul. He felt this anguish all the way down to his bones, all the way into each fiber of his being. Nothing could quell the agony blistering from each cell in his body. It was like he was set on fire, burning alive with pain.

Still lost in the ocean of despair, Jake didn't see the logging truck emerge in front of him from a forest road until it was too late. The screeching of rubber on wet asphalt made an eerie sound, and was followed by the crunching of metal and glass.

Jake lay off the side of the road, after he was thrown from the Jeep. The green forest around him started to turn red again, but not from his anger. Now he was truly bleeding from somewhere but he was unable to move. As his breathing became shallow, all he could think was of his mother. I'm sorry, mom. I'm so sorry.

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Jasper had just gotten Lily into his wife's Porsche, along with Esme and Edward when Alice came sprinting back from the Black residence. She had the look of a wild woman, so out of control.  
"Jasper, we need to get on the road now! Jake took off and Charlie said he was beyond angry, and he's not sure Jake's thinking straight." Alice's face said she was afraid Jake might get reckless and hurt himself.

"Okay, everyone buckle up!" Jasper peeled out of the parking area at lightning speed.

They headed back toward Forks, scanning the forest roads for any vehicles. There was no traffic at all. Everyone was quiet, but alert. Edward felt his heart pounding in his chest, scared for the boy who punched him.

Just as they were ready to slow down for a tight curve in the road, they saw red and blue flashing lights ahead. Two patrol cars were parked in front of the scene of an accident. Edward felt his blood turn to ice. There was an old Jeep partially crushed under the broad side of a logging truck. Two police officers were scrambling around trying to help the victim who seemed to be at the side of the road.

"LET ME OUT!!" Edward yelled, frantic to get to the victim. In seconds he was running to assist the officers. He felt his heart physically stutter in horror; before him lay Bella's son, bleeding and broken.

"I'm a doctor! Let me assist you. I need any first aid supplies you have now!" Edward quickly assumed control of the situation, assessing Jake for trauma. Jake had broken bones, but what alarmed him was the blood he foaming from his mouth.

"Oh my god! Edward, save him!" Alice was screaming. Lily was white as she sat in the car with Esme. Jasper refused to let his daughter out of the car, commanding Esme to keep Lily there with her.

As Jasper moved to Edward's side to help, one of the officers came running up to them with emergency medical supplies. Edward quickly assessed Jake's breathing with a cheap stethoscope from the bag. He felt chills when he discovered one of his lungs was collapsed. Edward scrambled through the bag for some makeshift tube to insert into the side of Jake's chest. He found a rubber tube and a guide wire for the job. After quickly cleaning the area, Edward made a small hole in Jake's chest with a pair of medical scissors and inserted the tube. Jake's shallow breathing improved but he didn't regain consciousness. Edward started dressing the obvious wounds he saw, but knew there wasn't much he could do here in the middle of the forest.

"Is EMS on its way?" Edward yelled at the closest officer. He was continuing to evaluate Jake for shock, hoping the internal bleeding wasn't severe.

"Yes! They should be here in 2 minutes. They were called out for another emergency, but we've redirected them here." Edward listened again to Jake's heart, and heard it become faster. Jake was going into shock. He did a quick neurological exam, hoping Jake didn't sustain any spinal injuries when he landed on the ground. As far as he could tell, his neck and spine were okay, but he directed Jasper to brace his neck anyway as a precaution.

"Jasper, do you have your phone? I need to call Carlisle!" Jasper quickly pulled out his phone from his jacket pocket and pulled Carlisle's number up on speed dial. The phone rang at the Cullen residence.

"Hello?" Carlisle answered in a casual voice.

"Dad, get to the hospital as soon as you can! Bella's son has been in a car accident. I'm here with him now, but he's going to need surgery quickly." Edward's voice was clear, yet urgent.

"I'm leaving now. Talk me through what you know while I head to the car." Edward heard his father running out of the house towards the garage.

"Jake's got broken left tibia and fibula, probably a broken right humerus and clavicle, a collapsed right lung, with probable broken ribs and internal bleeding. I've stabilized the broken bones and inserted a chest tube, but he's going into shock. EMS should be here in a minute. That's it for now."

"I'll call the OR to open up a room. I might need your help, Edward. Everyone's on call today, for the holiday."

"I'll ride along with Jake. We'll be there as quick as we can." Edward ended the call, worried for the boy he was trying to save. He felt a strong need to cradle him, hold him tight and make this all pain go away for him. He couldn't explain his urgency, but it was like his own life depended on Bella's son survival. Edward needed to help Jake, to protect him from the possibility of death that hovered over him like a dark cloud.

Just as Jake's breathing started to slow, the ambulance pulled up and paramedics sprinted to the scene. They started their own assessments as Edward explained who he was and what he'd done so far. They carefully moved him onto a backboard and stretcher, but not before stabilizing his neck with a foam collar. IV fluids were pouring into Jake as fast as possible, and they began to bag him when he stopped breathing.

The Cullens all stood at the side of the road as they watched Edward and the paramedics load Jake into the ambulance. Each had tears streaming down their faces. Lily and Alice were the first ones to break down and cry, holding each other tightly. Esme was steadfast, silently embracing them as Jasper quickly walked back to Alice's Porsche.

"Okay, let's get going. We need to let the others know what's going on and get a hold of Bella's family." Jasper was teary but very in control of his emotions for the moment. He struggled to stay strong as he was bombarded with the family's fear and grief. Now was not the time to buckle under the avalanche of dread.

Jasper handed Esme his phone and she dialed Emmett's cell.

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Jacob Black stood outside his father's house waiting for the ambulance to arrive. What was taking so long? As he paced in the front yard, he saw Emmett Cullen on his cell phone while his family loaded into the Hummer.

Jacob stopped in his tracks as he observed Emmett freeze up then start jogging in his direction. Emmett had just ended his call when he reached Jacob, his face was grave.

"You're Jacob Black, right?" Emmett was tentative, not sure how to break the horrible news.

"Yes, I am. What's wrong? I can tell by your face, Emmett."

"Bella's son has had a car accident. He's been injured and is on his way to the hospital now. My brother Edward is with him now in the ambulance. It's not looking good. You need to get to the hospital as soon as you can."

Jake ran inside and updated Charlie and Billy. They both went felt the blood drain from their faces. Bella lay on the sofa, still unconscious.

"Charlie, I'm going to head to the hospital now. You stay with Bella until the ambulance arrives. Don't tell her anything until we know more. It might send her over the edge again."

"I'll call Laurent now. He needs to get here pronto!" Charlie moved for the phone again, racked with guilt for letting his grandson drive. Charlie couldn't shake the feeling this was his fault. He should have listened to Bella and kept Jake from driving. He felt his body shake with sorrow. He quickly called Laurent who was at Heathrow International airport, in London for business.

Laurent quickly booked a direct flight to Seattle. Luck was on his side as the departure was only minutes away. As Laurent waited for his plane to take off, he prayed for his son, prayed his ex-wife was strong enough to get through his ordeal without him. He could only wish he was closer, physically and spiritually. He prayed again, for the life of his son. Jake was the world to him, and he couldn't imagine life without his extraordinary presence. In that moment, he didn't know he wasn't the only one praying for Jake's life.

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At that same moment, Edward said another prayer for the life of Jake Swan. He didn't know this boy, except he was Bella's son and had a killer right hook, but as this day unfolded Jake had become someone so important to him that he would do everything in his power to fight for his life. If it were possible, he would even trade his own life for Jake's, shouldering the pain and fear he surely must have felt moments before this gruesome event.

Edward couldn't shake the fury in Jake's deep green eyes as he confronted him. Jake looked at him with pure hatred, but there was a flash of something else there for the briefest moment. It looked like surprise, followed by a realization. Jake knew something important, and this revelation is what broke his anger from his body. It pained Edward to see that same look of pain Bella had so long ago. It echoed on Jake's face, clear and strong. His stomach twisted at the thought of all the heartache he caused her and her family, time and time again. With a strong but tortured heart, he vowed to never be the cause of any more agony for Bella or Jake. He would spend his life trying to be worthy of their forgiveness, but first he had to give Jake a fighting chance at survival.

The ambulance came to a halt as it pulled up the emergency entrance of the Forks Municipal hospital. Dr. Evans, the ER doctor on duty was ready at the door along with Carlisle. They were gowned, ready for whatever injuries Jake had. Jake was quickly unloaded as the paramedics barked out vital signs, assessments and their interventions at the scene and en route. Edward added his own report as he climbed out of the back of the ambulance. The ER staff already had pulled Jake's medical record and Carlisle ordered the OR to get ready for trauma surgery. Jake was obviously too unstable for transport to Seattle.

As Jake was whisked away, Edward walked quickly along with his father, giving him a brief rundown of the events at the beach, and Bella's condition. Another ambulance was already on its way to collect her down at La Push. Edward was still worried about her, but he had to focus all his attention on Jake for now.

"Edward, Dr. Evans will accompany me to the OR but I think I may still need your help. You still have privileges here since your last cardiac rehab clinic, so I think if Jake has a shot at survival, he'll need you there."

Edward nodded his head, and headed for the OR locker room to change.

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The Cullens started to arrive along with Jacob Black. They each rushed into the ER waiting room, asking the receptionist for permission to see Jake. She told them he was being prepped for surgery and no one was able to see him. Since Jacob had accompanied Jake to the ER a number of times for minor bumps and bruises, he was able to get some information from one of the nurses who recognized him as family.

Alice was the first to ask. "Jacob, what's going on? Is he going to be alright?"

"They're taking him to the OR for surgery. He has a broken leg, a broken arm and ribs. They think one of his ribs punctured one of his lungs and it collapsed. They're not sure about other injuries yet." Just the idea of all the damage done to his nephew made Jacob want to vomit. He started to pace and take deep breaths. The awful taste of bile rose in his throat. He fought it back with a sip of water from a water fountain.

As the Cullen family moved anxiously around the waiting room, Jacob pressed himself into a cool white wall, slowly sinking onto the floor beside a chair. He made so many deals with God to spare Little Jake's life he was sure he'd have to be reincarnated a thousand times to fulfill his side of the bargains. Jacob finally had to step outside to get some fresh air before he threw up in the waiting room.

Jasper held Lily, her tiny limp frame cradled in his arms. She couldn't speak, but felt tears make permanent tracks down her face. She felt the thin strand of the invisible bond shrink down to a microscopic thread. Jake's life was on the line. She felt more tears escape, as she prayed for Jake's wounded heart and soul.

Alice and Esme sat together holding hands and rocking together, startling at every sound coming from the ER treatment areas. They heard urgent voices and machines alarming. Esme mustered a small smile for Alice, silently mouthing "It will be okay" to Alice. Alice closed her eyes and willed any grace she had to be given to Bella's son, her nephew.

It wasn't long before Emmett, Rosalie and their boys joined them. They were updated and began their own worried pacing, attempting to soothe each other with hugs. Jacob watched the Cullens bond together. He saw how much Jake meant to them even though they just met him. The worried like he was one of the family…

Suddenly, it clicked in his mind. _Little Jake found out about his father._ That's why he ran, why he was furious. He suddenly became frightened for Jake. All these years, they kept the truth from Jake at Bella's request. She wanted to be the one to tell him at the right time. Jacob disagreed with Bella, but since she was his best friend and Jake's mom, he honored her wishes. Now he wished he told Little Jake long ago when he first asked him about whom his father was. Maybe things would have turned out differently. Jacob approached Alice.

"Jake knows, doesn't he?" He spoke softly, not wanting to include everyone on in the conversation. Unfortunately, it was so quiet, everyone heard him anyway. They all watched Jacob.

"Yes. He knows." Alice's voice was a whisper, but it sounded like she was using a bull horn to make her announcement. Her face was pale and drawn, aging her ten years. Tears continued to fall from her face as Jacob hugged her unexpectedly. Alice melted into Jacobs embrace and sobbed, quietly saying "I'm sorry… I'm so sorry…"

"Shh. It's going to be okay. Jake is going to be okay." He said into her hair. They held each other for what felt like an eternity rocking back and forth, each silently pleading with the cosmos for Jake's life.

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In the OR holding area, Jake was being prepped for surgery. Edward, Carlisle and Dr. Evans scrubbed in, then gowned up for the procedure. Jake's mind was a drifting in between harsh lights and shadows. He thought he heard beeping and smelled antiseptic being scrubbed into his skin. Suddenly, he felt something warm and comforting envelop him; it was peaceful and free of pain. As he started to feel at ease, the blackness overcame him and he drifted into a numb void.


	11. Chapter 11

AN: Okay, this is the chapter you've been waiting for. It was not an easy decision when it came to Little Jake. I hope it doesn't disappoint. Thanks for all the great reviews; they are truly appreciated. It's always nice to know someone enjoys my story. Happy early Thanksgiving! If you get a chance, let me know what you think.

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Bella Swan drifted in a cloud of darkness feeling nothing but her own breathing. The blackness enveloped her entirely, depriving her of any bodily sensation. It was without depth but seemed endless at the same time. Her mind tried to perceive some sense of where she was, where her body was. Her immediate impulse was to try to wave her hands in front of her face, but she felt no hands, no body, no connections at all. It was so disconcerting having no idea where her physical boundaries were, so disorienting to float in this dark abyss. Slowly she started to feel the fringes of spacial awareness pulse through her. At first, there was a soft light pulling her toward the surface of this blackness like a magnet; it was like a portal out of this numb vacuum.

Bella felt her body slowly reconnect with the world. She gradually opened her eyes to soft white light, feeling cool feathery earth under her body and surrounded by green fronds and trees. She was lying in a green forest meadow so alive with vibrant wild flowers and so perfectly manicured Bella thought she must be dead; this is surely Heaven. Their scent was sweet and fresh, it almost made her want to roll around in this utopia.

In the distance Bella heard a familiar rhythm she couldn't place; it sounded so familiar. Where did she recognize from? I should know this, Bella thought. I should remember this, but I don't know how I got here. Where am I?

Bella pulled herself into a sitting position, glancing around to orient herself. She couldn't tell where the light was coming from but it seemed like midday in the foggy forest meadow. There were no animals or insects but she could hear them just beyond the fog, just out of sight. It was reassuring but she'd feel better once she knew where she was and how long she'd been here. The drumming rhythm seemed to get louder when she stood, but she still had no idea where it was coming from or what it was. Bella moved closer to the fog and felt it clear away from her with each step. She was on a dirt path taking her away from this beautiful meadow; she took each step carefully and constantly tried to see into the fog. She eventually emerged into another clearing that was still slightly foggy.

Bella heard the sound of a drum become more distinct, more organic. As she searched into the thinning fog, she saw she wasn't alone. There were two people here; they were standing close together facing her as if to greet her. Bella's heart started to pound and race when she saw Edward standing with Jake, his hand on their son's shoulder. Their serene countenance instantly started to soothe her apprehension. This had to be a dream because only in her most cherished dreams did she envision Edward and Jake together like this; so calm and beautiful as the family she always hoped for. Bella felt tears of absolute joy falling from her eyes. She wanted to run to them and embrace them, love them both with her entire heart and soul. She wanted to tell them both how she her love for them stretched into infinity and beyond.

With each step she took, Bella heard the drumming get louder and clearer. The rhythm became a distinctly organic thumping, and she knew it could only be one thing: a heart. It wasn't nearly as loud as she initially thought it should be. In fact, the pace was becoming slowly disjointed and thready. When she finally stood face to face with the men she loved more than anything, Bella noticed Jake's face wasn't as inviting as before; his smile was slowly melting into a painful grimace. Edward's smile also slowly changed into anguished intensity. Edward looked like he was on fire. This alarmed Bella; she stepped back to truly see them again. Jake's dark shirt had a moist spot growing over his sternum. As Bella watched, the spot became a misshapen stain spreading toward his waist. Jake pulled his hand up to his chest where the stain started; his hand became red with blood. Bella pulled away, her hand over her mouth to stifle a scream. Jake pulled the fabric away from his chest to reveal a gapping jagged hole in his chest where his ribs and organs should be. Edward slowly brought a bloody beating heart up between them; it was Jake's heart. Tears of sorrow were streaming down both Jake and Edward's face; they were both in agony. Once the moment solidified into her mind, Bella saw them start to fade into the fog like ghosts. She screamed and screamed, but there was no sound except the slowing stuttered rhythm of Jake's heart until she finally heard asystole.

A loud rush like a train instantly swooped in around her, pulling her back into the darkness. Bella flailed around this dark void, trying to stay in the forest, desperate to find her son and the love of her life. This darkness was not the same; there was no numbness from her pain. She felt her tears and throat choking on an inconsolable cry. Now she felt like she was the one on fire with agony.

Suddenly, Bella heard the harsh beeping of machines alarming, and muffled voices. A pungent antiseptic smell invaded her nose. Her awareness sharpened as she felt her achy muscles sore from lying in one position too long. She opened her eyes to harsh fluorescent lights, and a faded curtain surrounding her. Bella felt an uncomfortable IV site in her left antecubital space. There was a probe on her finger monitoring her oxygen levels, and EKG electrode pads stuck to her chest beneath her unbuttoned blue blouse. She had a thin white sheet over her legs and waist. She was in a hospital.

A female voice beyond the curtain was loudly calling for a Dr. Evans. Another voice responded by saying the ER doc was in surgery assisting with a trauma patient. A phone rang in the distance and Bella continued to listen to the voices, getting her bearings and gathering her strength. Just as she was getting ready to slide off the gurney and disconnect herself from all the unnecessary equipment, a dark haired woman in purple scrubs pulled open the curtain partially to enter the space.

"Whoa there Miss Swan! Where do you think you're going? We haven't cleared you yet to be discharged," the woman with the name tag 'Emily, RN' said, pulling Bella back onto the gurney.

"I'm fine. I mean, I feel fine. Where am I exactly?" Bella asked feeling the weakness of a sudden shock still lingering in her body. Her legs felt like they were made of cement, and her head was fuzzy. It was like she was hung over. This can't be a hangover though, she thought.

"You're in the Forks Municipal Emergency room, and if you were fine you wouldn't be asking that, so you just sit tight until I get a stable set of vital signs off you and clearance from one of our providers."

Bella felt the blood pressure cuff tighten and nurse Emily check her other vital signs. She wrote them down on a clipboard and pulled the medical monitors off Bella's body.

"Now you sit there, okay? DON'T move, or I'll order up some more tests that will be less pleasant. If you can to this, I'll speed along your discharge. You seem to be better now, so I imagine you just need someone to take you home and rest." Emily smiled wryly at Bella as she walked back around the curtain. Bella heard Emily speaking with another female voice, the same one from earlier, then walking toward her.

A tall, slim woman wearing a white coat entered the little treatment area. She wore a stethoscope around her neck and had badge identifying her as "Angela, PA" (physician's assistant). Angela reviewed the clipboard and pulled the stethoscope from her neck, making a motion to listen to Bella's heart.

"Ms. Swan, you look much better, and all your tests seem to confirm everything is fine." Bella sat back and took some deep breaths as Angela listened to her chest. This was so strange, surreal.

"You sound nice and clear. How do you feel?" Angela's face seemed so familiar.

"I feel okay, just tired." Bella's memory was suddenly jogged. This is Angela Weber from Forks High school. "Angela? Are you Angela Weber?"

"Yes, I am, Bella. I wasn't sure if you'd remember me. Sometimes old friends don't immediately remember me, so I stay in my professional mode." Angela smiled warmly at her, lightly squeezing Bella's arm then folding her own arms together.

"It's great to see you. I just wish our reunion was under better circumstances," Bella said chuckling softly.

"I'll say. You gave your family quite the scare. Do you remember what happened to make you lose consciousness?" Angela's eyebrows knitted together into a concerned expression.

"Not really. I just remember it getting dark then I woke from this awful nightmare. Is my dad here?" Bella swung her legs over the side of the gurney, ready to leave.

"Uhh, yes. Your dad and a few others are here waiting in the ER waiting room." Angela paused uncomfortably. "Well, you seem fine to go home with them. I won't hold you up since it's the holiday. I'll get your paper work finished and then you can leave. Just give me a minute." Angela smiled again and walked away back to the central station.

Emily reappeared carrying supplies to remove Bella's IV site. As Emily bandaged Bella's arm, Angela returned with her discharge paperwork and a bottle of Tylenol.

"Well, Bella you're all set. Do you have any questions or concerns?"

"No, I'm fine. I think I know what to do if I have a repeat performance." Bella smiled gratefully at Angela.

"It's good to see you again. Maybe we'll see each other again soon, but under happier circumstances, as you put it. You take care." Angela touched Bella's hand and squeezed it before she walked back around the curtain to see another patient.

"Charlie's coming in now to get you." Emily guided her off the gurney and toward an exit. Charlie was waiting for her with such worry in his eyes. If she didn't know him better, she'd think someone just died. Charlie's face was pale and worn. His eyes were red and wet with tears.

Bella felt relief wash over her as she fell into his arms. Her father hugged her like she just returned from a long journey. It was a little confusing and scary. She pulled herself away from his embrace and felt him slip his arm around her body, guiding her out into the waiting room.

"I'm okay, dad. You don't need to get upset." Bella said trying to soothe Charlie's distress.

As they cleared the exit, Bella saw Jacob Black waiting for her with Billy and several other members of her Quileute family. Embry, Quil, Claire, and Sam were all standing at the distance end of the room quietly talking, each looked forlorn. When they realized she was present, the room fell into a grave silence. Charlie started walking her toward a long hallway leading into the main part of the hospital.

"Charlie, where are we going? The exit's that way," she said pointing behind her.

"Bells, we're not going home. At least, not yet." Charlie voice was rough. Jake took her free hand and squeezed it gently. He was silent, his uneasy face troubled. Bella was getting scared now. Not able to form words, Bella walked silently along with them. It felt like a death march, too quiet and ominous.

The group appeared at another waiting area that was already full of people. Bella didn't immediately recognize the people, still trying to figure out what _she_ was doing here with her family.

Jacob Black moved ahead to a group of free chairs clearing away a couple old magazines. Charlie continued to guide her, prompting her to sit in one of those chairs. When she sat, she felt the eyes of every person fall on her, waiting for something to happen. Bella scanned around, instantly recognizing the Cullen family. Her heart began to race and she felt herself grow cold. Her eyes were wide with fear as she saw Alice, Esme, Jasper and Emmett all wearing the same pained look, all so tense and on the verge of tears. Charlie snapped his fingers, jerking her attention back to his face.

"Bella, I have something I need to tell you, but you have to stay calm. Okay, honey?"

"Charlie?" Bella's eyes wandered over to Alice, their eyes locking. Bella glanced back at Charlie again. "Charlie, what's wrong?" She pulled her arms over her heart, frantically trying to figure out what was so crucial that everyone she ever loved was here with her in this room. Suddenly, she felt a strangling pain around her heart like it in a vice. "NO!"

"Bella, there's been an accident…" Charlie was speaking slowly as Jacob sat beside her and placed an arm around her, as if to brace her from some emotional impact.

"NO!!" Memories of the encounter at the beach crashed down on her like a mountain. Jake's face throbbed behind her eyelids as she squeezed them shut, tears glistening from the edges.

"NO!! NOT JAKE!!!" Bella opened her eyes, wild with panic. "DAD, WHERE IS HE?? WHERE'S MY SON??"

"Bella, Jake's in surgery. He's been in there for over an hour. Dr. Cullen and Dr. Evans are trying their best to fix him. He has some broken bones and a collapsed lung, probably had some internal bleeding. They are doing everything they can." Charlie's voice broke.

"How? Dad, how did this happen?" Bella searched his face, but something inside her knew it was bad.

"He took off in the old Jeep, lost control of it in the rain and crashed into a logging truck. Bella, I am so sorry…" Charlie's eyes glistened with tears as he hung his head before her.

Bella bolted up and searched for an information desk, wanting an update from someone medical about her son's condition. She ignored the Cullens in the room and steadied herself for any news about Jake. She smoothed her hair back and straightened her blouse, then approached a receptionist.

"I'm Dr. Isabella Swan. I'd like to speak to someone who could update me on the status of Jacob Swan. He was brought in as a trauma patient." She spoke with a surprising authority and clear focus.

"Dr. Swan, I'll go check to see if someone can give you an update."

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Jasper quickly left the OR waiting room, unable to take the avalanche of pain any longer. He felt the air thick with despair and dread, all clinging to the hope that Jake Swan would live. He also felt the intense focus of the surgeons working on Jake, fighting for his life with every skill they had. It was too much. He had to take a walk, move away from this massive surge of intense emotion.

Emmett followed him out into the parking lot. The silently stood together, looking out onto the forest beside the medical compound. Both felt the weight of the world on their shoulders.

"Let's take a walk." Emmett led the way into the forest. They slowly trekked into the ferns and rain, making no attempt at conversation. They needed to regroup; their families would need their strength soon enough.

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Dr. Evans, Carlisle and Edward were moving quickly over Jake's open chest, trying feverishly to find the hidden source of the hemorrhage. They had already dealt with the immediate collapsed lung, but soon found the internal bleeding was slowly increasing. Blood kept oozing into Jake's chest cavity, and he was still on the edge of shock even after six units of blood. Jake's rapid cardiac rhythm beeped out on the monitor, but they didn't need it; his heart was exposed to all of them.

"Dammit, Carlisle! I can't see where the hell all this blood is coming from! It's got to be a slow arterial leak somewhere." Edward's green eyes were intense, trying to see through all the oozing. His forehead was covered in beads of sweat and he was covered up to his elbows in blood.

"Tell the blood bank we need more blood. Uncross-matched, if necessary. And we need more sponges on the field." The circulating nurse quickly dropped the special gauze on the sterile field and moved immediately out into the hall to call the blood bank. Moments later, she returned with more blood and hung it for infusion.

"The family wants an update, and another physician named Dr. Swan is here also for an update."

Edward and Carlisle froze for a moment then resumed their quick and agile search. What??

"There it is! I found it; it's a pulmonary artery. It looks like it was nicked by the same rib that collapsed Jake's lung. Sneaky bastard!" Edward felt like he just won the lottery. He quickly clamped it off and tried to repair it. It was a delicate job, but Edward's extensive years of experience in cardiac surgery made him feel more confident Jake would be okay. The oozing stopped, and they meticulously scoured the open wound looking for any more vicious surprises. Once the bleeding was under control, they all took a deep breath.

It was touch-and-go there for a while as Jake hovered in shock and cardiac arrest. He was in respiratory arrest when arrived at the hospital but they were able to stabilize him quickly. Edward felt like his own soul hung on the line, his own life in the balance. It was the worst feeling he ever had, but he had to focus on what was medically needed to be done. Issues of the soul would have to wait so he compartmentalized it and moved on.

"This boy is damn lucky you're in town, Edward. He just about used up all his lives in this one go-around," Dr. Evans said in a slow Southern accent, as he stood back and flexed his very tight shoulders. Edward and Carlisle exchanged a quiet look over the open chest, carefully closing Jake's ribs around his heart. Before they did this, Edward very gently caressed Jake's beating heart with a feather-light touch. He felt a faint electric shock move through him directly from Jake; it made him remember Bella and how she used to do that to him so long ago. Carlisle cleared his throat, prompting Edward to proceed with closing the chest cavity. They moved on to Jake's other injuries, debating whether to delay any more surgery until he was more stable.

"Okay, guys. Looks like you have things just about wrapped up. I am gonna head back to my ER. I bet it's near backed up with food poisoning patients." Dr. Evans groaned thinking about it after this tiring case.

"Thank you, Mitch. You are a good man in a fight. I'll be by later to lend a hand if you need some help." Carlisle waved his bloody glove at Dr. Evans as he walked out to post-operative desk, ready to sign whatever needed to be signed.

"Well Edward, looks like we're just about done. Do you want to go update the family?" Carlisle waited as the bloody drapes were removed from Jake's body and he was covered with warm blankets. Edward silently nodded his head. The anesthesiologist and a couple other surgical staff wrapped up all the necessary loose ends and transferred Jake to a gurney. After Carlisle and Edward discarded their bloody, gruesome surgical gowns, they scrubbed their hands over a large deep sink and watched the red streaks spiral down the drain. They walked quietly toward the front OR reception desk, ready to put everyone's mind at ease.

As they came around the corner to the desk, Dr. Evans was standing with Bella, giving her the rundown in detail. She had her back to them and didn't see them approach.

"Like I said, your son is one lucky young man. If it weren't for these two miracle workers here, I'd be giving you some very bad news." Dr. Evans gestured to them for Bella. As she turned to face them, she locked eyes with Edward. "Gentlemen, this is Dr. Isabella Swan, Jake's mother."

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Lily sat in a cold plastic chair, rocking herself quietly in the corner of the cafeteria. No one notice her absence after she said she needed a drink of water. Everyone was so preoccupied and afraid for Jake that they weren't paying any attention to her.

She felt someone move next to her. When she looked up, she saw Billy Black sitting in his wheelchair quiet and radiating a calm she craved. He smiled a small warm smile at her, making her feel a little more at ease.

"You're Carlisle's granddaughter, aren't you?" Billy gently probed Lily's sallow face. She had the face of an older person, perceptive and gentle. Her tears were dried on her cheeks, and she had dark circles under her eyes. Billy could tell she was very worried for his grandson, Jake. It touched him how transparent her feelings were. She loved Jake, not in a romantic way, but as a kindred spirit.

"Yes sir, I am. I'm Alice's daughter, Lily." Lily held out her hand in polite greeting and automatic respect, just like her parents had taught her. Billy took it with another smile and shook it gently. Lily looked so fragile right now, Billy was afraid she would break like a delicate glass sculpture.

"I'm Billy, one of Jake's grandpas. Actually, I'm an honorary grandpa, but I've been watching over Jake since he was a baby, so I guess I'm as connected to Jake as if he were blood." Billy grinned quickly. "I put in the man hours." Lily laughed. It felt strange to laugh, but it felt good.

"I met Jake yesterday at the grocery store, with my mom." Lily paused, not sure how to connect herself to Jake, but knew they did have this undeniably powerful connection. Several seconds passed without Lily speaking. Billy got the impression she was flustered with her words right now.

"You know Lily, I believe we are all linked. Everyone in the world is linked together as a family, a universal family. Sometimes those bonds aren't very strong, so it's hard to relate to everyone, but sometimes those invisible bonds tie us so closely together to new people that we can't really explain it or understand it. It just tightens around us, tying us together in this endless line stretching out into the past and the future." Billy looked at Lily, and saw a light going off in her head. Yes, this young one is special; _she knows_.

"Yes. We are linked." Lily stared back at Billy, sure he knew exactly what she saw and how she felt about Jake. Lily shifted her gaze to a window facing the forest. The sat together silently as a gentle drizzle began to fall.

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Edward and Carlisle walked slowly toward Bella, feeling the space build with awkward silence. Dr. Evans made a strange face and addressed Carlisle again.

"Well Carlisle, thanks for including me in on the action. Edward, always a pleasure seeing your fine work. Good day, gentlemen. Good luck, Dr. Swan." With the silence broke, Carlisle shook his friend's hand again and repeated his promise to check in at the ER before he left for the night.

"Well, Bella." Carlisle extended his hand in greeting. "This is a surprise. I'm sorry we had to reunite under these conditions, but I'm happy to see you again and even happier to give you good news." Bella was holding her breath until this very moment. "Jake is going to be okay. He suffered an extensive blood loss, a collapsed lung and some broken bones, but he's going to be okay."

Bella threw herself into Carlisle's arms, so grateful for his efforts. She was crying silently into his chest. He held her close and kissed her hair. He rubbed her back reassuringly as he felt her sobs.

"Dear Bella, it's okay. Jake is alive and strong. He's got a long road ahead of him but he'll pull through." Carlisle's voice was quiet and soothing, as if he were speaking to his own child. Yes, she always felt like one of his daughters. This made him choke up, knowing she trusted him with Jake's life.

"Carlisle, you said Jake had extensive blood loss. Why? Tell me what happened, please." Bella straightened herself and moved a fraction away from him, trying to be an adult, not one of Carlisle's kids.

"Well, one of Jake's ribs punctured one of his lungs then nicked an artery." Carlisle watched Bella's face ashen at the thought. "Luckily, Edward was here. He was the one who found it and repaired it." Carlisle gestured to Edward who stood back silently, watching them. His green eyes flashed again as he heard his name. "You have him to thank for finding the problem. He's really the one who saved Jake. I don't know if I'd have found it as quickly without Edward there."

Bella stared at Edward again, frozen in uncertainty. Edward gazed into Bella's warm deep brown eyes, trying to find words but his brain and heart were in battle for control of ability to speak. Carlisle cleared his throat again, releasing Bella from his arms.

"If it's okay with you, Bella, I'd like to update the crowd in the waiting room." Carlisle touched Bella's arm, drawing her attention again.

"Yes, please do. And thank you, Carlisle. I don't know if I'll ever be able to repay you, or even explain how truly thankful I am for all you've done for Jake." She embraced Carlisle again quickly. He hugged her back, then released her.

"No dear Bella. You have nothing to thank me for. Just take care of Jake. He'll need a lot of attention." Bella nodded trying not to cry, tears of undying gratitude escaped her eyes. Carlisle kissed her forehead again before leaving them alone.

Bella wiped away her tears as she watched Carlisle exit into the waiting area. Then she slowly turned to face Edward. In this moment, she felt the whole world spin beneath her feet. They stared at each other, both weary and drained. Edward tried to smile but his face still felt sore and bruised from where Jake punched him. Bella didn't move, her eyes taking in all subtle changes in Edward after their fifteen years apart. He was still striking to her; tall, more filled out but in a muscular way, his face had a few delicate laugh lines, but his eyes were unchanged. His deep green eyes sparkled unlike anyone else's she'd ever seen; except her son's of course. Jake had Edward's eyes for sure.

"Thank you, Edward," Bella said in a clear quiet voice. She rocked herself back and forth, clearly uncomfortable to be alone with him. This was painful for Edward. He could hardly stand being right in front of Bella and not able to touch her. He felt his heart yearning for her, squirming in his chest. Without warning, Bella stepped forward and embraced him tightly. He wrapped his arms around her and felt her melt into his arms. The feeling of wholeness was so overwhelming and satisfying, like that first taste of oxygen to a drowning man. Every cell in his body came alive, tingling with the familiar jolt of electricity that flowed through them. She sobbed into his chest, letting loose all the worst feelings of dread. Her son was alive. _Their son was alive_.

Time seem to stand still in this moment. There was nothing else in the world except them. The familiar smell of Bella's hair intoxicated Edward as he drifted in this bliss. Bella sunk into a sea of joy as she buried herself in his arms, never wanting to be free from them. As Bella's thoughts ran the course of this horrible day, she realized she had to tell Edward about Jake, about his paternity. She slowly let go, and lifted her face to meet his eyes. Edward felt her ready to speak, patiently giving her time to arrange her thoughts. He could die a happy man now, with Bella here so close to him staring into her eyes.

"Edward, there is something important I have to tell you." Bella took a breath and braced herself in his arms. Just as she was ready to speak, the receptionist, Gail, came around the corner.

"Dr. Cullen, your wife is on the line. She said it's very urgent she speak with you. Oh, I'm sorry; I didn't mean to interrupt." Gail didn't realize Edward wasn't alone. She felt very intrusive suddenly.

Bella's face fell and she dropped her arms away from Edward, shocked like she'd been stabbed. Edward's eyes widened in horror; Tanya, he forgot all about Tanya. Without warning, Bella quickly backed away and ran out into the waiting room. The air froze over as Edward felt his heart shatter into a billion slivers.


	12. AN

AN: I know it's been a long time since I've updated. Believe me when I say I am more frustrated than you are. I've had real life to deal with and now I have writer's block for a bit. I've actually rewritten this next chapter THREE times and each time is so unsatisfying—believe me, you'd hate all attempts. I have the beginning of the next chapter written, just not completed. I do plan to continue writing, it's just taking longer than I thought. Thanks to everyone reading, and still interested in my story. Please be a little more patient, and I'll try to finish the next chapter by Sunday. Just don't be upset if I have to kill someone off(kidding.)


	13. Chapter 12

AN: Okay, this is my final attempt at reworking this chapter without banging my head against a wall. I am not entirely satisfied with it, but I can't keep torturing myself or my readers with any more delays. I apologize for taking forever to update (I never thought it would take this long.) Hope you enjoy it.

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Chapter 12:

Tanya Cullen stood staring out the large French doors of her husband's childhood room watching the trees sway gracefully in the sun light; the soft feathery fronds that carpeted the forest floor seem to dance gracefully along with the trees as the forest teamed with life. It was hard not to see why her in-laws decided to build in this secluded spot instead of somewhere in town or in a city like Seattle; the forest looked enchanted like there could be a story book castle just beyond the beckoning trees. It made her wistful for a childhood she didn't really have.

As the latest heir to the Denali empire, Tanya was raised by a team of nannies as expected by the world she was born into; children were expected to be groomed to enter social circles that 'didn't do hands-on' anything. She had vague memories of some special times with certain nannies where she had tea parties and enjoyed playing with dolls, but once she turned eleven, the time for childhood seemed to cease. Her toys and her nannies seem disappear overnight; she was no longer a little girl in her families eyes—she became an investment. Her parents sent her off to Europe to be educated and groomed to be a society wife. She couldn't remember ever feeling any expectation to attend college from her family as long as she married well. She was an oldest child, the first of three daughters at the time, so the emphasis was on the importance of a 'good match' to maintain the Denali line. Thinking back, she could see how they wanted her to find a suitable match while in Europe and strengthen her family's standing back in Italy. The Denalis were a very old family with substantial wealth and power; there was never a way for her to have any other life than the one she saw already planned out for years by her parents and grandparents. Her parents eventually had a son, Felix, but he was still an infant by the time the path was set for her. As Denali women before her, she was expected to marry within her world, be an upstanding society wife and produce top of the line heirs to carry on the family line. Anything less would be unthinkable, and dealt with 'in a suitable manner.' That thought made her shiver. Rumors, outrageous and sometimes downright scary rumors, were whispered from time to time about the shady activity her family had its hands in, but were quickly stifled and never brought up again. Scandals simply weren't tolerated,_ ever_.

As if the forest placed her in a trance, Tanya thought back to her boarding school years when she was full of her own teenage rebellion for the life she knew wasn't enough. She didn't want to just be 'arm candy' or a feel any of the pressure of her family's expectations. She was more than a link in the Denali chain. She wanted something more, to have a real purpose and real love. She hatched a plan to attend college as a way to meet appropriate suitors and quietly pursue a real career in a 'hands-on' field. It seemed like a foolproof plan at the time. That was until she met Demetri Costas while studying architecture in Greece.

In the ancient city of Athens, she fell in love with a beautiful, striking 'local' boy during her summer semester abroad. He was a tall, lean man with coffee-colored hair and beautiful hazel eyes that seemed to burn right into her. Just thinking about him even now made her tingle and her heart race. He was so beautiful that it was hard to believe he was human. Their relationship began innocent enough since they attended the same lectures and seminars. They became friends, but their mutual attraction seemed to blur the lines of friendship quickly; before long they were in love and the 'hands-on' part of her plan took on a whole different meaning. For three months they were blissfully unaware of the world around them. Demetri was a passionate soul in love with everything about Tanya, so enamored with her earnest interest in design and unabashed zeal for life in the moment. Not once did she consider his background or where their actions would lead them; nothing seemed more important than how he made her feel loved and whole.

The sound of the front door slamming and Carlisle's car racing away brought Tanya out of her trance. Her memories after that wonderful summer seem to crash around her much like an avalanche. She had no idea of her family's surveillance of her Grecian 'holiday.' She really should have known better; after all, Italy was just a stone's throw away from Greece and so were the roots of her family. It was brought to the attention of her grandfather Aro, the family patriarch, that she was involved with an 'undesirable,' but not just any unsuitable candidate, but a member of a family the Denalis had not-quite legal business with. For the Denalis, Tanya's involvement with Demetri unacceptable. A woman of her pedigree did not involve herself publicly with 'the help.' Once she had fulfilled her obligations as the granddaughter of Aro Denali, and if she could maintain very strict discretion, her family would turn a blind eye to whatever tryst she and Demetri would engage. She could have a lover, but_ first_ she must do her duty for the family. Nothing else she did was more important. To be safe that her life would go according to their plans, her parents yanked her back to California to be watched over closely. They did allow her to continue college but with the understanding that her parents would now be in charge of arranging desirable matches. Tanya was beyond angry and heartbroken; the heart had no clout in their eyes. She would do as they wished or 'be dealt with appropriately.'

Stanford was a fine school, and maybe she should have care more about her studies, but what was the point? She decided to forgo wasting any more time with serious study if this was her last chance at a semi-normal college experience; she threw herself into the party scene and didn't come up for air for a few months. At winter break, her mother pulled her aside and reminded her that it wouldn't be long until the school year would be over and so would her college life; she would then be expected to fulfill her family obligations and find a husband. They already had some candidates her grandfather preapproved in Italy but she couldn't stand the idea of an arranged marriage. Her time was running out.

Enter Edward Cullen. He was a senior graduating soon and most likely entering medical school. He was smart, handsome and came from a good family. Although his family was not of the same social circles, Dr. Carlisle Cullen was known the world over for his surgical expertise and his family was well-respected. The only complication in Tanya's plan to claim Edward was his girlfriend, Bella. Yes, it felt wrong to steal him away, but it couldn't possibly make her feel worse than to be forced into marrying someone she didn't know or like. At least, in her mind, this was more like a choice. She had a choice in this, regardless of any collateral damage. It didn't always take away the pain of losing the love of her life, but at least she made a choice for herself about her own future. It was ironic that her choice had left her with its own collateral damage of infertility; was it karma? She wondered.

As she realized that the sounds of the house had died down significantly, she wandered down to the kitchen to see what was going on. She found the house empty with the exception of Esme's assistant, Carmen. Carmen was covering the prepared holiday dishes and moving them into the refrigerator. Tanya was confused. Where was everyone?

"Carmen, where is Esme?"

"I'm not exactly sure, but Dr. Cullen just left for an emergency at the hospital. Mrs. Cullen just sent me a text to finish up the dinner prep and put away everything for later. It's sort of strange, but it sounds like there was some sort of family emergency because the whole family just up and left." Carmen had a worried grimace on her face.

Tanya checked her cell phone for possible messages, but there was none. No voice mail either. Nothing. Yes, she was still considered an outsider, tolerated by her in-laws and her husband. As expected, she wondered what she did to deserve their indifference. It didn't occur to her how shallow and selfish this was to consider. Over the years, her perception had become so skewed and self-centered.

Frustrated and bored, she wandered around the large house. She rarely had the whole house to herself; she usually isolated herself to Edward's room. She made her way to a large room that functioned as a library and family room. The walls were lined with shelves of books, mostly medical and design books but there was a good portion that contained general fiction and nonfiction selections. On a book shelf closer to the entertainment center, there were photo albums and family videos. Tanya had only seen these once when she first met the Cullens. Esme showed her some pictures of their family and of Edward as a child. Tanya pulled one photo album off the shelf and sat down in the closest comfortable chair.

The album was full of photos of Alice, Edward and Emmett as children. There were pages and pages of birthday parties, school plays and family vacations. This was the kind of childhood she always wished she had. Tanya began to notice more and more pictures of an unknown girl becoming part of every page as the Cullen kids grew. She was a very adorable girl with big brown eyes and long beautiful dark hair. She had a sweet smile and was wholly embraced as part of the family judging by how often she was in each picture. Tanya smiled at a picture of Alice and this girl in their ballet leotards and tights, holding each other tightly around the neck, smiling large silly smiles at the camera. Simply adorable. Tanya continued to watch her husband and his siblings grow with each page. She had to giggle at all the awkward stages each went through and the ridiculous fashion trends they wore. She had only school uniforms so this was refreshing to see. Again, this mystery girl was in just about each picture, always smiling shyly and always adored by the Cullen children.

Tanya finished one album and selected another that continued the photographic history of the Cullens. More family outings, more school functions and always this 'fourth' Cullen child was present. The pictures moved them into junior high and then high school. Tanya found it amusing to see her husband as a gangly teenager, always looking slightly embarrassed but smiling. In some pictures, she found him looking at the unknown girl covertly. Soon, Edward was constantly next to this girl, with either a smirk on his face or with a deep tender expression that made your heart ache. Tanya started to feel a small squirming in her gut. In the last pages, the pictures were of couples; Emmett and his senior prom date in 80's formal wear; Alice and a tall pimply boy going something called a 'spring fling', and Edward with the mystery girl in their graduation gowns, holding each other tightly and kissing. Tanya felt something inside her twist and tighten. Bella Swan; this 'fourth Cullen' was Bella…

Tanya reached for her cell phone and called Edward immediately, not really sure why she needed to speak with him. She felt an ominous chill move through her when she was forced to leave voicemail. She didn't know what to make of this revelation; should she be surprised? No? Yes? All she knew was her boring but devoted husband didn't seem so devoted anymore. Like a bucket of frigid water thrown over her head, she realized she was on thin ice with Edward. Yes, they were distant and maybe they weren't involved as much anymore in each other's lives, but she always counted on Edward to keep up their appearances and attend important social functions. He was the constant in her shallow life. She knew she took him for granted by not really being interested in what he wanted but _he_ was the one who proposed; okay, she knew he did it for reasons other than true love but who cared then? Not him. All of these thoughts ran through her egocentric, convoluted logic. The fallout of this discovery made her irrational and suddenly scared.

Because the pictures were not enough evidence of their love since childhood, she decided to watch a video labeled "Edward and Alice's 22nd birthday." The video was of a family cookout here during a sunny summer day. There were lots of their friends wishing them both a happy birthday and everyone was having a good time. The next scene was of Edward holding a very pretty Bella close as she wished him a wonderful birthday and kissing him tenderly. He gently cradled her face and whispered something in her ear which caused her to blush, then kissed her again. Tanya watched her husband softly tell Bella he loved her and hold her so close they seemed to be a perfect fit. She quickly stopped the video, freezing the couples embrace on the screen. Tanya sat and stared at the scene and felt some part of her heart completely implode.

It had been the longest day of Bella's life as she sat next Jake's ICU bed. She felt her whole body drained and achy with emotional pain and worry for her son. She'd never felt so helpless and unsteady in her life as she watched the ventilator and other life support equipment keep him alive. Although the surgery had gone well, the extensive hemorrhage set off a cascade of other complications that were serious. There was no honey-coating how dire his condition was; he was in critical condition and would probably remain so for a while.

Her back was screaming for a change in position, preferably a horizontal one since sleep was becoming an urgent demand. She tried earlier to relax in the cot Carlisle had acquired for her earlier but her need to be close to Jake was too great. She held his hand and stroked his face, and spoke to him in soft whispers of how much he is loved and cherished. She could only hope he knew how much she loved him, how much she wished she could trade places with him and take away all this pain. Jake was the center of her universe, the core of her heart; to see him so close to death felt like the worse kind of punishment. All Bella could think was this was all her fault; she shouldn't have kept secrets from her son, especially one so crucial.

Edward was his father; to even think of it was like swallowing broken glass. The agony of this truth was that malicious demon that burst from her past and preyed on the one precious life she wanted to protect—her son. The part that was worse than keeping this secret was the horror of how her son discovered it; there was no controlled conversation with Jake about her past or the love she felt for his father. Nope, it was just a fury of emotional wraiths let loose on Jake's heart and soul. Would he ever forgive her? Or would this twist him into some bitter version of the boy she adored? Would he even wake up to give her the opportunity to beg for forgiveness?

Just the idea was enough for Bella to crumple up in a ball in her chair. She shrunk more into herself as her mind was racked with fresh guilt and agonizing uncertainty.

Jacob Black stood in the hall outside Little Jake's room, watching as Bella tortured herself emotionally for all that had happened to her son. She equated her monumental secret and how it devastated Jake into something criminal. To Bella, she may have pushed Jake off a cliff herself; she felt completely responsible and no amount of logic would make her see the bigger picture.

He longed to go to her and comfort her, but the last time he tried, she became hysterical with grief and guilt. Once she was able to see Jake's injuries firsthand, she began flinching away from everyone who tried to comfort her, even Charlie who possibly felt even more guilty for the accident than her; he kept mumbling how he should never had let Jake drive. Billy, Sam and Sue had to take him home and before he had a complete breakdown. They promised to stay with him and comfort him as best they could.

Jacob closed his eyes and relived the first hours of Jake's recovery. Carlisle was in the middle of his explanation of Jake's injuries and the surgical interventions required to save his life when Bella burst into the waiting room crying. She threw herself into his arms and held onto him like a life raft in the middle of the ocean. She buried her face in Jacob's embrace and clung to him as everyone spoke words of comfort to her. Carlisle recounted the extensive injuries and how much blood Jake had lost. The whole group winced and became pale as they listened. He suggested that everyone consider donating blood as a courtesy since they had used up most of the blood bank's supply trying to save Jake.

Alice, Lily, Rose and Esme took turns embracing and thanking Carlisle for his valiant efforts, but he was quick to point out how Edward was really responsible for saving Jake's life. Everyone turned to face Edward as he emerged behind Bella, quiet and somber. Charlie quickly embraced him as he thanked him profusely; the Quileutes took turns shaking both Edward and Carlisle's hand thankful for all they had done to save Jake. Edward quietly accepted their thanks, uncomfortable taking any credit for his efforts. It gave him no pleasure to see Bella's son so close to death, even if he was capable of saving his life.

As his family slowly receded back to their chairs, Jake approached Edward to offer his own thanks. It was surreal to be in this position, standing in front of a man he despised for so long, thanking him for saving little Jake's life. Surreal didn't even begin to cover it; in the past Jake fantasized of beating Edward to a bloody pulp. Now here he was, facing Edward with a confused measure of gratitude and relief.

"Thank you, Edward. I can't even begin to tell you how relieved I am that Jake's pulled through; he's the center of our lives and I can't imagine a world without him. Being in little Jake's life since birth sort of makes me a father figure, and just the idea of him hurt makes me just crazy with worry. Thank you is not enough to tell you how grateful we are for all you did today. " Jake hesitantly extended his hand to Edward.

Edward had a confused expression on his face. He had assumed Jacob Black was his father, but obviously he was wrong.

"Like I said before; I was doing what was appropriate and to be honest, because he's Bella's son, I'm happy I can help in any shape or form. Carlisle and Dr. Evans are being generous when it comes to my contribution; I couldn't have done it without their help." He shook Jacob's hand.

Edward glanced at Bella as the Quileutes surrounded her, comforting her as Charlie took her in his arms holding her close. His family watched the Swans become encircled by their love and strength, witnessing how Bella, Jake and Charlie were as much a part of their tribe as Blacks, and Jake Swan was clearly a beloved central star in their collective sky.

"Jacob, has Jake's father been notified?" Edward asked quietly, still watching Bella cling to Charlie.

Jacob momentarily looked confused, but pieced together that Edward was indirectly inquiring about Little Jake's paternity. Jacob quickly glanced at Alice and saw her subtly shake her head; Edward still didn't know the truth. Jacob Black was at a crucial crossroad again when it came to this delicate subject; although it would probably be quicker to point out the obvious, he was not about to make the mistake of revealing this monumental secret. This was Bella's place, not his or Edward's family. Although it was tempting for Jacob to slap Edward upside the head and yell 'you idiot Cullen, don't you recognize your own offspring?,' hearing the truth from anyone else would only cause more pain. Jacob cared too much about Bella to make her feel even more guilt than necessary.

"Uh, Bella's ex-husband, Laurent, has been notified and is on his way now. I suspect it will take some time since he is traveling from London as we speak. We are making arrangements now to have him picked up when he arrives in Port Angeles."

"I see. I didn't know Bella was divorced, but I'm glad Jake has two caring parents to tend to his needs. He will definitely need as much support as possible in the coming hours and days," Edward said in a strained voice. His forehead was cramped in painful grimace, and he suddenly looked very tired.

"Jake will definitely be looked after. He is the center of Bella's universe; she's always uneasy when he's away from her. I don't think there is anyone she's ever loved more in her life," Jacob finished, not realizing what he just said to Edward until it was too late.

Edward looked at Jacob like his jugular was just ripped out by Jacob's bare teeth. This was the excruciating pain he was anticipating: knowing for sure Bella loved someone more than him, Bella's life being completed by someone else. Bella's life had moved forward without him, with the love of another. Those billion slivers of his heart somehow felt even more painful than before when their embrace was interrupted by Tanya's call. How could I possibly feel worse, Edward thought.

"Jake is lucky to have Bella as his mother; she will take good care of him. Excuse me Jacob, I need to finish up some paper work and return a call." Edward left Jacob abruptly, not wanting to have his emotional breakdown here in front of everyone. He walked quickly back toward the surgical locker room to change out of his dirty scrubs. He sat on a bench in the locker room slumped over with his head in his hands. The ocean of grief he been drift on suddenly curled up around him and swallowed him like a giant sea creature, and he felt no urge to fight the drowning sensation invading his whole body. This was just the beginning of a new era of suffering; now the time had come for him to truly pay for his sins.


	14. Chapter 14

AN: Sorry for the delay; my life is very busy for the past 3 months. The good news is I finally got a free moment to write and actually free of writer's block. This chapter is shorter than the others but the next chapter will be out within the week if my family will grant me time and space. Let's all cross our fingers!

As always, I own nothing.

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The darkness began to close in on the hospital staff parking lot where Carlisle's black Mercedes stood. Inside the haven his father's car, Edward sat resting his head against the steering wheel, his burning eyes closed as the rest of his exhausted body slouched in defeat. Thinking back to the start of this day, it was hard to imagine how this benign family holiday would spin so out of control, a tornado of shock and pain.

Unable to stomach the vicious gnawing in his gut and his tormenting thoughts, Edward retreated away from the crowd of his family after he had retrieved his father's car keys. Carlisle's face was lined with worry and sorrow as he tried to console him. Edward stood before him still wearing his surgical scrubs, with eyes weary and hair matted with sweat. His crumpled clothes were balled up in a plastic bag stained with Jake Swan's dried blood. He was not physically changed aside from the sheer exhaustion, but he seemed somehow smaller, hollow. Without a word, Carlisle slowly embraced Edward in a hug like he had when his children were young. Edward was on the brink of collapse with ancient pain that had been uncovered like tragic ruins of his past. The Pompeii of his life was still surprisingly intact; each exquisite emotional wound perfectly preserved. Every shaky thought and breath uncovered more and more of Edward's buried guilt and agony.

"Edward, you did a heroic thing today, saving Bella's son. He owes his life to you," Carlisle said gently, pulling back to look at his son's face. Edward stared blankly into his father's chest, not meeting his eyes or wanting to feel his attempt at comfort. His actions didn't feel heroic; they felt like a violation of peace. He did the one thing he hoped never to do again: he made Bella suffer the torture of his indiscretion and stupidity. He felt it as clearly as he still felt her in his arms – blazing hot and it was too much. He just wanted some numb relief, some respite for his heart.

"Edward!" said Carlisle louder, shaking him gently. "I know you're hurting, but you have to find the strength to…"

Without allowing his father to finish, Edward abruptly pulled the keys gently from Carlisle's hand and walked out of the hospital like a zombie. He couldn't remember getting in the car, or how long he sat there wishing this was all an elaborate nightmare. The deep supple leather seat felt like a custom fit glove, molding to his exhausted frame. The tinted windows sheltered him in dark shadows, letting his body attempt to relax. All this comfort should have gave him some measure of relief, but it did not. His tortured face was hot with tears as he met each wave of miserable truth like it was a riptide drowning him, pulling him down into hell. Hell. If only he could be so lucky.

The sound of his cell phone cut through his thoughts, making him startle and bump the car horn. Rubbing his face mostly dry, he pulled the phone from his jacket. Crap. Tanya was calling. He thought for a moment whether to turn off the phone or take the damn call. Ignoring Tanya was never a good idea; she would always make him pay. A hysterical laugh erupted from him then. In this moment, there wasn't anything she did or said that could make his life worse. He accepted he call.

"Edward! Are you okay? Where are you?" Tanya's tight voice felt like it was right next to him, so clear. Rubbing his eyes again, he groaned into the phone. He could almost make out her scowling face.

"I'm sorry. There was an accident on the way home from the beach. We're all fine but I had to accompany my patient to the hospital and perform surgery. I've been a little wrapped up here, so I'm sorry I didn't get to call," he said roughly ran his free hand through his disheveled hair.

"Are you okay? You sound…off." Edward stifled another hysterical laugh as he gazed into the forest bordering the hospital parking lot. Movement caught his eye. Standing like sentinels thirty yards away were his brothers. They both had hard expressions as they stared back at him. Their faces were menacing but quickly softened into concern as Emmett and Jasper both approached the black Mercedes.

"Tired, so tired," was all he could muster. How true it felt to finally come to this conclusion: Edward was truly tired of this life he led, tired of lying to himself and to those around him. Mostly, he was tired of avoiding the responsibility of his actions. He created this mess; he needed to be the one to make it right somehow, some way. That was the only way he'd ever get free of this deep canyon of regret and agony.

There was a moment of silence from Tanya, like she was weighing her own thoughts. Edward felt his face melt into a weary grimace.

"What did you need, Tanya?"

"Are we still having the family dinner? It's getting late and everyone seems to be out. I don't know where they are, and I still have to get to the airport in Port Angeles." Edward closed his eyes while pinching the bridge of his nose. Damn headaches, he thought.

"They're all here at the hospital. I don't know about dinner…"

"What are they all doing there, Edward? What's going on?" Tanya's voice had an edge to it that Edward rarely heard when it came to his family. He knew that slightly panicked sound of her voice that she sometimes got when speaking of interactions with some of her relatives. Her family, some members, scared her. She knew something was up.

"Uh, nothing you should be worried about. We came upon a car accident and they followed me to the hospital to make sure everything was alright. A Jeep hit a logging truck. It was traumatic for everyone; coming across the scene of accident can really shake you up."

Edward didn't want to go into detail; there was no way he wanted Tanya to know about Bella or Jake being here. It was just not the time to get into dramatics with her. He was met with more eerie silence from his wife. Emmett and Jasper slowed as they met the hood of the Mercedes and spoke to each other, gesturing to Edward. Emmett still looked angry, but calm and attentive.

"I see. Are you still able to drive me to the airport or do I need to make other arrangements?"

"I'll be there shortly." Edward hung up before she had time to respond, then rubbed his eyes until his vision was a bit blurry. His head was pounding, his chest felt like it was ripped open and his gut continued to twist violently in on itself; he'd be lucky not to vomit here in Carlisle's car. Jasper opened the front passenger door and slipped in, a cold refreshing breeze following him in. Hesitantly, Emmett got in the back seat and folded his arms across his chest.

"Hey," was all Jasper said, with concern still written on his face. Rain was starting to fall.

Edward resumed his silent grieving. He still felt the deep shame his brothers had uncovered. It seemed pointless but he also felt embarrassed for his downward spiral in pain. He wanted to be alone, hardly ready for a fresh round of harsh criticism.

"I need to head back to pick up Tanya. She's going home to spend time with her cousin; I'm dropping her off at the airport in Port Angeles." Edward's voice was flat, lifeless.

"I can take her, Edward," Jasper said. More silence. "I know it's not my place to say this, but I think you need to stay here and talk to Bella. It's important." Edward winced at the sound of her name.

"Ed, I know I said a lot of stuff at the beach. I still think you made some serious mistakes, but the only way you can get out of this mess is to meet it head on." Emmett's voice was deep yet gentle in this moment. He loved Bella like his sister, Edward knew, and it pained him to see her so broken. Today they all saw her breakdown again right before their eyes. It was heart-wrenching.

"I can't. I can't do that to her again, hurt her. I want to kill myself every time I hurt her. It's like being drowned in lava, buried alive, torn apart all at the same time!! I CAN'T DO IT AGAIN!!" Edward said, his voice rising with each breath.

"Try Edward!" said Emmett in firm voice. "Get out of the damn car and friggin TRY FOR HER! You owe her that much."

Edward steeled himself against the steering wheel, turning to face his brothers to meet their eyes. "You think I haven't tried?? I just stood in front of her, ready to speak to her when she sprang into my arms. I could have died a happy man in that moment, to have her back in arms. All the words I wanted to say to her in these past fifteen years were about to fall out of my mouth when we were interrupted by a call from Tanya! Tanya, my wife! What do you think Bella did? She bolted away, not before giving me a look like I stabbed her in the heart again! I know you think so little of me, Emmett, but I'm not a fool enough to think she'd understand that I'm still married." Edward was seething, shaking with rage, not for his brothers but for himself. "I CAN'T DO THIS TO HER AGAIN!"

Jasper and Emmett stared at him with shock then quickly exchanged knowing glances. Emmett nodded at Jasper in acceptance.

"Fine, Edward. Don't do it for her, or for yourself. Do it for Jake." Jasper's voice was calm and clear.

Edward felt confused by this cryptic response. He was ready for any number of arguments but Jake Swan had nothing to do with him and Bella… right? His head began to pound harder, the blood striking his temples like drums. Jake Swan? Edward didn't understand, and the look on his brothers' faces said they did understand something.

"What the hell does that mean?" Edward said in a raised voice. He wanted answers, now.

"There is only one way to find out," Emmett said irritated with his brother's blindness.


	15. Chapter 15

This chapter was months in the making; many apologies for the uber-long wait! I am fail that way. I realized tonight that I started this story before my last child was even conceived. That child, my baby girl, is now seven months old!! That probably explains most of my time lost for writing. I hope this chapter makes up a small bit for my lack of time and imagination. It is what you've all been waiting for! So on the tails of NEW MOON, I hope this brings you joy! If not, just go watch the movie again and pretend this chapter never happened. Thanks to everyone who gave me feed back. I cherish every single review you gave me! Special thanks go to my husband who not only gave me free time to write, but went with me to watch the midnight showing of NM tonight even though he hates twilight with a fiery passion (love you honey, more than a pack of naked wolf boys)!! Okay, on with the story.

Disclaimer: As always, I own nothing.

***jacobs_abs***sigh***jacobs_abs***sigh***jacobs_abs***sigh***jacobs_abs***sigh**

Time moves on and on, thought Alice. How strange that time did not cease even when your universe is being torn apart. There had to be some physical law that was being defied by this tragedy; how can time exist in a black hole?

It had been many long hours since Alice heard her daughter Lily speak, or eat, or even move. The only reassurance Lily was still awake was occasionally her eyes would blink in that awful blank stare. Jasper was not happy, not at all. He wanted to take her home, take her away from all this despair, but Alice could see there was a reason Lily needed to stay here, so close to Jake, so close to the flame. They were connected; Alice could see that bond growing with time, but she still could not really define it. The only thing she could compare it to was that it was similar to her own bond with Edward, her twin, a connection of their souls. Alice shook her head with weary acceptance. Her mind couldn't find the words or the reasons for so much that happened today. There were only flashes of the possibilities, cloudy moments that might happen. Time had stolen her words, her understanding and her daughter's peace of mind. And it just kept moving. Time could be ruthless and greedy that way.

Jasper shifted himself on one of the couches in the waiting room, cradling his daughter close to him. His muscular arms wrapped themselves around his girl, so tender and yet so strong. Alice knew it was taking every bit of energy he had to give Lily some peace. Grounding her to her family and how much they loved her was the only thing keeping her present; she was as emotionally limp as a dead battery. Alice knew why she could not sleep yet; the terror of 'seeing' in her sleep could tear you to shreds then swallow you whole. Alice winced at this thought as she turned away from them. It hurt to know your child could suffer like this, a special torture.

Alice drifted back toward Jacob Black's side. He was keeping his own vigil outside the intensive care unit. His weariness was less obvious, but somehow deeper. She thought she saw regret mingled with pain on his stoic face. It didn't take much to figure it was the secret keeping that wore Jacob down; she imagined the promise he made to Bella came at an incredible cost.

Jacob sat on a hard wooden bench right across from the sliding glass doors of the ICU. From this position, Jacob could see right into the small room Jake was in. The room had three solid walls with the facing wall a series of sliding glass doors that could open up completely if needed to move equipment or in an emergency situation. A pale green curtain did supply some privacy when needed but at the moment from this exact angle the curtain was open with a clear view of Bella hunched over Jake's bed. It was hard to tell if she was finally asleep or just resting like Lily was. Her clothes were rumpled and her hair was slightly bushy. A nurse would come into the space at least every hour to check on Jake, his various tubes and equipment currently being used to keep him alive. Each time Jake's nurse would offer some bit of information to Bella and try to soothe her frightened mind. It was the only time Jacob saw his best friend move.

"How is she?" Alice asked quietly as she sat down on the bench next to Jacob.

"She's a wreck, but she's keeping it together though. I have no idea how she's doing it. I've loved that boy all my life Alice, even before he was born and this whole nightmare is breaking me. If I were Bella, I don't think I'd be half as calm or as strong as she is right now."

"She's his mother. There is no length you wouldn't go for your child, no pain you wouldn't endure just to know that your baby is safe. It's just part of motherhood, it's instinctual. I just wish there was some way for us to give her what she needs." Alice had an overwhelming pain in her chest that felt like it could crush her ribs. What Bella needed was a cure for her broken heart, but that remedy was something that had to be fought for, and finally accepted. Unfortunately, love was something that could save or kill you.

"I know. I just feel so helpless, so useless now. I tried to be there with her in the room to comfort her, but she just shriveled away from me." Jacob hesitated, holding his breath. "I feel like I failed them somehow, like maybe there was something I could have done differently to prevent this from happening." Jake cradled his face in both his hands as his elbows met his knees. Alice felt this exact guilt, felt that she played some part in all this tragedy.

"I shouldn't have pushed her. I should have just let her figure this out for herself." It was Alice's turn to close her eyes and cradle her face with her hands. The throbbing pain behind her eyes and in her chest felt more acute when she thought of Bella's terrified expression as she pleaded with Jake to leave the beach with her. Alice felt the fresh tear at her heart for the pain she brought her friend and her nephew. She may not be entirely to blame for this day, but her hands still felt bloody with the knowledge that she had a hand in this. She just couldn't let Bella run away again, not this time, not without giving everyone the chance to know why, to know Jake.

Alice and Jacob watched quietly as they saw Bella cradle her son's hands and kiss his blood stained fingers. Bella paused as she suddenly felt them watching, grimacing as she met their tortured eyes. Too soon, too close, too painful. Alice and Jacob felt the new wave of pain whip them hard as Bella pulled the curtain closed around her and her son. Too much, too soon. Too much like dragging herself across a bed of broken glass dipped in acid.

***robs_abs***sigh***robs_abs***sigh***robs_abs***sigh***robs_abs***sigh**

Edward sat in Carlisle's Mercedes still parked in the front of his parent's elegant home. Rain poured down, making the car seem like it was sinking into the sea. It was strangely comforting, this feeling of the end. It didn't feel quite like cowardice, more like surrender.

A quiet chirp from his jacket pocket slapped him back to reality like an icy marble hand. He knew who the text was from. His illusion of his eventual demise would have to wait; he knew the torture of this life was not quite finished – not by a long shot.

_Just wondering when you're coming home, T_

This was the third text he received from Tanya.

_Sunday. E_

He couldn't really understand why she seemed so focused on him tonight. This was not her usual behavior; she was usually more dismissive of him once she had what she wanted. He felt an unfamiliar buzz in the back of his brain, like a watery image from a long lost dream. He couldn't put his finger on it. Maybe she was just concerned about him after the accident. Maybe. Again, that elusive thought only flirted with the surface of his consciousness.

Their trip together into Port Angeles was quiet, too quiet. After Edward had convinced his brothers that he was okay to drive, that he needed time alone to think, he picked up a waiting Tanya already packed and anxious to leave what she called "this lonely place." Emmett and Jasper reluctantly got out of the car, exasperated with him, with his avoidance of his family. Flipping back into his husband mode was automatic, like it was a part in a horribly-written, elaborate play. As he went to grab her bags from the alcove, Tanya surprised him by pulling him to her and looking deep into his eyes searching for something. His confused expression seemed to make her unhappy. She wasn't anxious to leave her in-law's home; she was anxious to see him. It caught him off-guard. Her firm, yet gentle, embrace shocked him, as his thoughts scrambled to compartmentalize his private agony. He didn't want her to see his grief. Seeing the love of his life still felt more real than anything he'd ever had with his wife, even after all these years. He didn't want her to see how his heart had just been ripped apart again. It would only invite more problems for Tanya to know.

_I'm back in the city. See you soon. Love, T_

She was back in the city. Thankfully Tanya was home and able to spend time with her cousin. Edward still felt like he was hanging on by a thread as he got out of the sedan, rain pouring down on him, soaking him in icy water. He thought if it were any colder, he'd freeze into a statue right where he stood, a frozen suggestion of a man. Fighting off the impulse to walk into the dark forest surrounding his parents' home and disappear, he grudgingly put one foot in front of the other until he was inside the house.

The warmth of this place felt strange, like prickles scratching the surface of his icy form. It wasn't comforting at all. Everything was alien and disconnected. Edward felt parts of his life here drifting away from him. This home was nothing but a location now. All his memories here were snapping off him like debris in a hurricane. He was adrift and alone.

The quiet sounds of Emmett and Rose getting their boys settled in bed upstairs pulled him back to his shaky reality. They arrived as he pulled out of the drive with Tanya. Emmet met his eyes with a face full of disappointment, shaking his head at Edward in disgust. He didn't have the energy or desire to see anyone now. He exiled himself to the dark family room. It was quiet here, a vacuum. As he dropped himself down on a large fluffy armchair, he realized he was sitting on a book. One of his family albums was open but he couldn't see the page it was opened to. Shifting in the chair must have accidently engaged the remote to the entertainment center because Edward was suddenly watching an old video. Not just any family video, but his joint birthday party so many years ago. In his mind Edward thought he actually heard a cracking sound somewhere in his chest as he saw the frozen frame of his younger self embracing his young Bella.

Edward felt a shock move through him like a bolt of lightning. Still wearing his soaked surgical scrubs, he bolted out the door bound and determined to see his Bella again. He would try to make this right.

***wolf boy_abs***sigh***wolfboy_abs***sigh***wolfboy_abs***sigh***wolfboy_abs***sigh**

The rain was starting to freeze when the last incoming flight landed in Port Angeles. Sam Uley met Laurent at the small municipal airport not long after midnight. The journey across the globe was painfully long and made an anxious Laurent feel helpless. The cautious, but speedy trip from Port Angeles to Forks still felt so slow, like an awful dream where his feet were suck in quicksand. He wanted nothing more than to reach his beloved son. Laurent tried to call Bella immediately when he deplaned but only caught her voice mail. She obviously was with Jake and turned her cell off. Sam was kind enough to update him on Jake's condition, but had few details. So many questions were flying through his head. Charlie had given him a rough explanation of what happened, but there were important details missing. What would make his son so enraged that he'd take off like that? Jake was such an even-tempered child. It made no sense to Laurent. The whole situation was not real yet, just a horrible day of terrifying unknowns. All he could do was reach down and brace himself for the worst day of his life.

The rain gently drummed on the cab of Sam's SUV, reminding him of his first visit to Washington. Bella brought him to meet her family shortly after their August wedding. She was roughly four months pregnant then, but only barely showing. He remembered how his mother, Nadine, urged him to reconsider marrying so suddenly and under such scandalous terms. Laurent could not be reasoned with by then; he was so in love with Bella, so drawn to her that he accepted her unconditionally, unplanned pregnancy and all. In his eyes, a baby only sweetened the pot for him. Laurent could only love her more for her strength to move forward and embrace life even when she clearly had left so much heartache back in America. This life she carried was to be cherished by him as he cherished her. Laurent couldn't imagine his future without them. Eventually, his parents both came to regard and love Bella as he did. They also saw how intelligent, compassionate and determined she was; she was unpretentious yet gracious, and clearly unaware of their social standing until after their wedding. The St. Martins came to see Bella as a sweet soul who loved their son, and blessed them with the sweetest grandchild in existence. Little Jacob Swan was loved on two continents, uniting this diverse family.

Meeting Charlie and the Blacks that first time was daunting. Laurent was unsure how Bella's father would react to their hasty marriage, but he accepted him into their family. That first day, Charlie sat down with him while Bella took a walk with her best friend, Jacob. Laurent made himself comfortable at Billy Black's kitchen table, and waited for the same conversation he heard from his parents earlier that week.

"Laurent, I know it's too late to be having this talk but I still feel the need to tell you how I feel." Charlie scowled at him, scrutinizing Laurent's every move. "I love my daughter more than life itself. No one deserves happiness more than my Bella. She's a smart girl with the largest, softest heart in the world, but she sometimes tries to protect people at her own expense. I know you must love her deeply and she obviously cares about you too, but I still feel like this is moving so fast." Charlie grimaced as he folded his fingers together on the kitchen table.

"You probably know all about the break-up she had this spring, but what you don't know is how deeply she's hurt. She pretended it didn't affect her as much as it did, but I saw through it. I can still see it. I tried my best to help her, ease her pain any way I could but in the end, I don't know if she has it in her to truly heal from that. If this was the only thing I'm worried about, then I would have probably insisted you both wait a while to get married.

"Seeing that there's a baby involved changes things. What I want is reassurance that you are in this for the long haul, because this situation has the potential to really screw my daughter up if you aren't completely one hundred percent sure you're onboard with this commitment. Are you ready for this, son?"

Laurent smiled the widest grin. "Monsieur Swan, I do believe I am. I would not be here if I did not love Bella. I know her heart has been broken in the past, but Charlie, I would never hurt her or cause her pain. All I want is to be her husband and a father to this baby, to give both of them every happiness." Charlie unfolded his hands, flexed his fingers and took a long hard look at Laurent. Laurent felt his mouth dry up.

"That's what I want to hear." Charlie rose and shook Laurent's hand. "Welcome to the family, son."

Laurent smiled sadly against the cold, wet glass remembering that day. Charlie understood what a precarious situation Bella was in emotionally. Laurent did fully understand then that his Bella was still heartbroken, but hoped she would grow to love him as he loved her. There was full disclosure between them about Jake's father, the break-up, about everything involved. As Jacob Black loathed Edward Cullen, so did Laurent for the same reasons. How could he walk away from Bella knowing she was pregnant? How could he abandon her and his child? Laurent would never understand this. In a strange way, Laurent was grateful to Edward; it gave him the chance to be Bella's husband and Jake's father, to have a family he truly loved. Although their marriage met its end, Laurent still felt fortunate for those years together. Feeling the cold seep through the glass, Laurent shivered. He could only pray that he would be granted time to continue being Jake's father.

The dark began to recede slightly as they entered Forks. The soft glow of the street lights gave the town a sleepy, charming feel. As Sam pulled up into the emergency room parking lot, Laurent felt himself freeze with dread. The memory of Charlie's frantic call buzzed him back to the real reason for his trip. Jake.

In no time, Laurent was being lead into the facility, and was standing in front of a set of sliding glass doors to the ICU. Jacob Black rose to meet him, and embraced him. An emotional flood gate was ready to burst from Jacob.

"I'm sorry, so sorry. I couldn't protect our boy. I should have... I could have stopped him…" Jacob was on the verge of collapse. Sam sat down by Jacob, whispering quiet words to him, trying to strengthen him. Laurent was suddenly aware of a small pale woman standing next to him; she just a moment ago gently took Jacob by the arm and leading him back to the bench closest to the ICU entrance. Laurent took note of her slight build, dark hair and blue eyes. She was also wracked with guilt and pain.

Alice realized she should introduce herself to him, and stood slowly to face Laurent.

"I'm so sorry, Mr. St. Martin." Alice held her hand up tentatively. "I'm Alice Whitlock, an old friend of Bella's." Laurent took her hand and squeezed it.

"And this is my husband, Jasper. My parents, Carlisle and Esme, just stepped away for coffee but will be back shortly."

"Carlisle and Esme Cullen?" Laurent was shocked, so surprised by this unexpected introduction. He was very aware of who the Cullens were. This was Edward Cullen's family. Never in his life did he imagine meeting this family on a night like this. "I don't understand. Why are they here?"

"We ran into Jake and Bella at the beach today." Laurent saw some dark emotion flash across Alice's face. Alice looked hesitant to elaborate. It put him on guard.

"As you probably already know, I'm Jake's father. Please, can someone tell me what has happened?"

Just as Laurent finished his sentence, he heard the sliding glass doors open up. He turned toward them and was immediately bombarded by a small, familiar body.

Bella threw her arms around him, sobbing uncontrollably into his shoulder. The conflicting feelings of relief and terror gripped him. Bella melted into his arms and cried so hard, she was unable to speak. Several minutes passed before she regrouped, loosening her grip on him.

Laurent fished out a handkerchief and gently wiped her tears away. Bella looked so frail to him now, so brittle.

"Tell me, cheri. Tell me about my son."

"Jake lost control of Charlie's jeep and hit a logging truck. He wasn't wearing his seat belt and was thrown from the vehicle. He sustained serious trauma and blood loss.." Bella's clinical report was so hard to hear. She faltered, trying to give her ex-husband real details. She was sobbing again as she recounted the respiratory and cardiac arrests, the almost fatal hemorrhage. It was too much to replay in her head. Laurent was still and ashen.

As he digested the news, Laurent saw flickers in his peripheral vision, people coming and going. He turned to see an older couple watching another dark-haired man walk out of the room, their eyes seemed so worn and grief-stricken as they watched him stalk away.

"Can I see him?" Laurent was anxious to see him, ready to crawl out of his skin.

"Yes." Laurent draped his arm around her shoulder as she led the way back into the ICU.

Carlisle and Esme approached Alice, hoping for an update. As they handed Jasper a couple cups of coffee, Alice watched Bella and Laurent disappear behind the green curtain.

"Who was that, Alice?" Esme touched her elbow, drawing her close.

"That was Laurent St. Martin, Bella's ex-husband and Jake's father."

Alice felt her eyes tear up again, as Esme pulled her daughter close. Carlisle recognized that name, but he couldn't be sure it was the same man.

"Alice, did you say his name was Laurent St. Martin? Is he a physician?"

Jacob was momentarily confused by the turn in the conversation. How would Carlisle Cullen know this man?

"I don't know. He's obviously French. Lily said Jake spent his childhood in France, and that his parents were doctors, so it's possible."

"Carlisle, I'm confused." Esme's troubled face brought him back to the present.

"Yes, Dr. Cullen, Laurent is a French doctor. Bella met him when she went overseas after college. Do you know him?" Jacob Black confirmed Laurent's identity. He already told Alice Bella's ex-husband's name earlier. He was tired to keeping anything secret.

"Amazing. What a small world." Carlisle smiled slightly and shook his head before falling silent into his own thoughts. Esme frowned as she touched her husband's forearm.

"Care to let us in on your epiphany, dear?"

"Oh, sorry. It's just that Laurent St. Martin is known throughout Europe for his surgical expertise, and also for his involvement in humanitarian efforts. I met him several years ago in London at a conference. He did a presentation on his work in Africa. A colleague of mine, Marcus, was interested in becoming involved with his work there. I was just searching for the information packet for Marcus recently; it had a brief bio on Laurent's own work in the field. The photos were amazing. For someone so young, he is well-respected. I don't know if he remembers me; there were so many people there. Not that it was appropriate, but he never mentioned his family."

Alice couldn't believe how close they were to Bella and Jake. The degree of separation was so small all this time. This small bit of new information comforted her in a strange way. One way or another, Bella was always meant to come back into their lives.

"Mom!" Lily's first words in hours sounded like a cry for help. Alice felt that fear at the same time she heard her daughter's voice. A grey fog settled over her eyes as she heard shouting, and someone crying. Truth. Anger. Pain.

By the time Alice was back in the present, Lily was being cradled by Jasper again. He murmured soft words into her hair as she wilted further into herself. Jasper's eyes met Alice's and they pleaded with her to let him take here away from here. It was tearing Alice apart.

"No, daddy," Lily begged her father. "He needs me. I know it. Besides, it will only get worse the further away I am, and it's about to get harder.."

charlies_pornstache***sigh***charlies_pornstache***sigh***charlies_pornstache***sigh***

Edward was standing in the surgical staff locker room, peeling away his cold, wet scrubs. He struggled with each piece, his arms like soggy noodles. After expending what little energy he had left, he pulled on a clean set of clothes he found in his father's locker. The pale blue button down shirt and old jeans were oddly fitting. He never thought he'd ever grow into his father's clothes. It made him stutter of fit of hysterical laughter. I am losing it now, he thought.

After slipping his bare feet back into his wet shoes, Edward threw the all the wet clothes in a linen bin close by, and settled into an old overstuffed chair someone obviously brought from home. When Edward closed his eyes, the same scene played in a loop in his head. 'I'm Jake's father' and Bella throwing herself into his arms as she broke down. Maybe it was just his wild imagination, but he saw them embrace like lovers reunited after a long absence. With each replay, the scene became more suggestive in his head. He was rubbing his eyes furiously trying to erase these images when he heard someone else enter the locker room. He felt a strong, warm hand settle on his shoulder.

"I'm glad you came back," Carlisle spoke softly. Edward didn't respond, as his arms flopped down into his lap. Several minutes, or several hours passed. He couldn't tell.

"I don't know why, dad. I should've gotten on that plane with Tanya and went home." A burning in his throat made it feel thick. "I just wanted to see her again, tell her.." His voice trailed off.

Carlisle felt so much raw intensity rolling of his son. Even after all these many years apart, the love Edward felt never diminished. His son was still hopelessly in love with Bella. It was hard to see that love tearing at him, wanting to be set free.

"You know, Edward, the hardest part of loving someone is letting them go. I know this is difficult for you, but maybe you're here to resolve all this pain." It somehow seemed wrong to be saying this, but Carlisle knew his son needed to consider all the possibilities. He couldn't watch him punish himself anymore.

Edward sat silent again, his eyes glazing with tears. More time passed.

"She has a son, dad. My Bella has a child, had a husband, a real family. Without me." A single tear escaped his eye. "I had my hands inside this boy's body, felt his heart, stitched him back together, and it still seems impossible to digest he's real. Bella has a SON!" Edward knew this was ridiculous double-standard, but that was beside the point. He never imagined her as a mother or a wife. With his eyes closed, he imagined Bella pregnant smiling down at her belly, crying as she gave birth to him and later, holding Jake as a newborn. He imagined her hold his hands as he learned to walk, cradling his body when he was sick, playing with him outside in a big bright meadow. Then, he had a flash of memory of his blood-stained clothes in the trunk of his father's Mercedes; that was Bella's son's blood. Touching his jaw, he felt the most immediate reminder of Jake Swan. His jaw was sore and bruised. "And, he hates me."

"No, Jake just loves his mother. He's just a boy, Edward. He doesn't know you." Carlisle sat down next to him, leaning forward toward Edward. "He owes you his life, son. Give him time." More silence.

"His father is here now." It was more a statement than a question.

"Yes." Carlisle shifted himself in his seat. "I actually met him before."

"Who is he?" Curiosity flared up high in his inferno of pain. Edward was unsure if he really wanted to know this. He closed his eyes again.

"Laurent St. Martin is a French doctor, a surgeon from somewhere around Paris. He's actually part of Doctors without Borders, and runs an immunization and HIV program in Africa. I met him when we went to London a few years ago. You remember the conference we went to? I think you left early and missed his presentation."

Edward cringed. He vaguely remembered that trip; the symposium had an impressive collection of speakers. He actually remembered wanting to see Laurent's presentation, but had to cut his trip short because of Tanya's social obligations. His breath left him in a huff; he almost met Bella's husband years ago. Unbelievable.

An irrational part of him was impressed and simultaneously jealous. Of course Bella would marry someone brilliant. She was exceptional herself, beyond exceptional to him. It only made sense that she would attract the best of men, himself excluded.

Carlisle had an errant thought that suddenly seemed puzzling, and urgent. He was absently replaying the conversation he had early this morning with Esme, when he stumbled on a detail that didn't add up.

"Edward, did we find out how old Jake is? I mean, when is his birthday?" Carlisle sat up suddenly.

Edward seemed lost, but started scrolling through his memory of the Jake's medical record. It was an unimportant detail at the time. He suddenly remembered the recovery room nurse verifying his age with the scrub nurse as she gave her report. She made a sad remark that he'd be lucky to make his sixteenth birthday next month. December twentieth.

Jacob Charlie Swan was fifteen years old, almost sixteen. Almost sixteen years. Once again, Edward felt like he'd been struck by lightning. He was up in a flash, his body suddenly buzzing with adrenaline. He stormed out the door.

robs_smirk***sigh***robs_smirk***sigh***robs_smirk***sigh***robs_smirk***sigh***

Everyone's face in the ICU waiting room was a blur. He thought he saw people stand up to meet him but he bypassed them quickly, walking briskly into the ICU. He made his way directly to the nurse's station. Recognizing him from his previous surgical rotations here, Jake's nurse, Lauren didn't question his presence. She knew from Jessica's report, the OR scrub nurse, that both Dr. Cullens and Dr. Evans were involved in the surgery. Edward grabbed Jake's chart and quickly scoured the admission sheet for information.

Printed in innocuous type was Jake's birthday: December 20, 1993. He didn't need to do the math anymore. Unless Jake was born extremely premature, there was no doubt in his mind that Bella was pregnant long before she left for Europe. His Bella was pregnant when she left for Europe.

Anger began to boil in his blood. He clenched his teeth and fists so hard that they ached down to the bone. Edward didn't care.

"Dr. Cullen, are you okay?" Lauren's sympathetic face jarred him. She quickly put down her nurse's notes and offered him a kind smile.

"The boy is doing well, all things considered," she volunteered. She made her way in the direction of his bed. "Both his parents are here now if you'd like to speak with them."

"Yes," Edward said. "I think I need to speak with them immediately." His voice was dark, his expression menacing. Lauren was bewildered by this, not sure what to make of his suddenly hostile mood.

Not giving her time to protest, Edward launched himself out of the chair toward Jake's little room so fast that the chair toppled over backwards. As he pulled back the green curtain, he saw Laurent huddled close to Jake, whispering in French to him. Bella's face went white as she clutched blood-stained hand.

For a moment, there was only the sound of various medical equipment keeping Jake alive. Beeps and hissing came from monitors. Soon after, Edward heard Jake's strange mechanical breathing assisted by the ventilator.

"Are you my son's doctor?" Laurent asked. His face was full of stoic pain.

"I'm Edward Cullen. Are YOU Jake's father?" Edward's question was more a challenge, his eyes blazing into Bella, hard and vicious. Bella felt the like she was staring at a monster gnashing its teeth ready to shred her into pieces. _He knew!!! _Bella's mind was screaming at her to react.

"Yes, I am!" Laurent jumped to his feet immediately, irritated at Edward's unprovoked rudeness. Noticing his hostile stance, Laurent thought Edward was ready to attack. He readied himself to fight for his family, taking a defensive posture.

Edward's eyes were pitch black, his eyes dilated with rage. He stared right into Bella's eyes as he spoke his next words. "Are you sure??" Bella felt this question like a slap in the face.

Bella felt her own defensive anger rise up like a phoenix from a flame, a grizzly mother ready to charge. Her expression changed from horrific fear to blinding fury. Bella was suddenly on her feet, standing in front of him. Even though she was almost a foot shorter, Bella towered over him now. Edward's brain was blaring warning bells but it took moments to understand what she was doing. Watching her hand flash through the air was like watching a movie in slow motion. Bella Swan slapped him so hard he felt the bruises Jake's fist gave him bloom again with fresh blood. Her handprint was superimposed over Jake's blow.

"HOW DARE YOU!! Get out NOW!! You have NO RIGHT to be here, to make accusations!!" Bella was screaming at him. Lauren suddenly appeared, pulling the curtain back with wide eyes.

"What is going on here? Dr. Cullen?" Lauren looked at each angry face in the room.

"Yes, Lauren, we do have a problem. Can you please call security and have HIM removed. He is never to set foot near me or my family again!" Bella was so furious she couldn't say Edward's name, only point angrily at him. Gingerly holding his face, Edward recovered from the shock of Bella's blow. His anger stupidly flared again.

"How DARE I save Jake's life?? How dare you!!" Edward charged forward a few steps. "I think you know I HAVE EVERY RIGHT to be here!! If I'm wrong, tell me now, this very instant!" He was pushing hard now, and for once in his life Edward wasn't about to cave to guilt or love. He had to know the truth directly from her mouth.

"I don't know what you're talking about! Just get out, Edward! Walk away! I think I remember that was something you were good at!" Bella dug deep to be this cruel. She had no out in this argument, because she knew he was right. Edward was Jake's father, and now he knew.

"What the hell is going on here!" Laurent had just stepped between then as they faced off, both furious and ready to tear each other apart. "Dr. Cullen, I don't know what this is about but I think you need to leave. We are all adults here and this is a hospital."

"Go ahead, Bella! Tell him the truth. Or are YOU going to run away again, because I think that's something you happen to know a lot about!" Bella felt that like he had punched a hole in her chest.

"Bella, what is he talking about?" Laurent turned his intense gaze at Bella, clearly wanting answers.

"Excuse me, everyone," spoke a deep, yet female voice. "I'm Jane, head of security here, and I think we need to take this conversation elsewhere." Jane was a very masculine looking female in uniform, clearly in charge of four brutish looking security guards that flanked each side of her. No one noticed Lauren make the call to security moments ago, too preoccupied with their loud confrontation.

"I'm not leaving my son," Bella grasped Jake's hand again.

"Neither am I!" said Edward and Laurent in unison, each ready to ripe limbs from the other. No one moved as the tension in the room became thick enough to cut with a knife.


	16. Chapter 16

AN: Yes, shocker I've updated. This was a long time coming, I know. Thanks to everyone for being so patient. I don't blame you for losing interest; I'll feel lucky if anyone reviews. This chapter was hard to write, for many reasons. I hope it doesn't disappoint. Anywho..

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Xx-xX

Monitor alarms were going off as the initial shock of Bella and Edward's confrontation ebbed away. Lauren was adjusting settings on various monitoring devices and quietly imploring them to leave Jake's bedside. "Please take this fight outside. You're endangering my patient," she chided.

"Bella and Edward, I think you need to step into the waiting room to have this conversation. This is not helping Jake." Carlisle's stern voice broke through their blazing tempers as he waved them out of the intensive care unit. Laurent and Jane followed them into the waiting room full of their stunned families. Bella's blistering fury died down minutely, but she still looked ready to rip out Edward's throat. Edward's seething face was contorted into the face of a man pushing the edge of reason; he was in hysteric outrage.

Lily cringed further into her father, her body shaking with grief, tears soaking into Jasper's shirt. Jacob, Alice, Esme and Sam all backed away as they watched Jake's collective parents march out into the waiting room with Carlisle, still anxious from the verbal assault they heard through the ICU doors. Each parent had burning anger coursing through their bodies, ready to go another round of sparing. It looked like it would only take a spark to reignite the powder keg of crippling rage.

"Okay, now that we all have our tempers in check, I suggest you keep it this way or I will have to escort you off the premises, family or not!" Jane's voice resonated in her full baritone voice. "Don't make me come back, or you WILL feel the full weight of the law come down so hard it will make your head spin. Do I make myself clear?"

Bella was clenching and unclenching her right hand over and over, trying to regain some feeling after slapping Edward. Her palm still felt numb and strangely achy at the same time as she separated from the Cullens like oil in water. Edward walked in circles at the far end of the waiting room tugging at his hair, red eyes watery with pain.

"Yes," they answered in unison. Laurent nodded his head as he pointedly stared at Bella.

"Felix is going to hang around for a while to make sure everyone plays nice. I mean it, people. I will be watching," Jane stated, pointing the surveillance camera in the tiled ceiling. After a few more moments, she made her way back into the ICU to speak with Lauren.

Alice and Jacob moved between the former lovers. They felt the air charged with dangerous energy, a venomous snake ready to strike. Several moments passed before Laurent broke through the deadly silence.

"Bella." Laurent's quiet voice was calm, cold as stone. His eyes penetrated right into hers, seeking an answer to his question without words. An eternity, or maybe just moments, passed as full understanding clicked into place like pieces of some cruel puzzle. Laurent truly did not want to know he had been lied to, but he had to hear the words. "Tell me. Tell me now. I think you owe me that much."

As she met his eyes Bella's anger instantly transformed into wracking guilt and fear. She tried to swallow, but her throat felt thick and painful. Years of language classes and trips abroad failed her; she had no words, no voice. The carefully placed bricks of her heart's fortress were crumbling before her eyes leaving her exposed and vulnerable. Minutes passed with only the sounds of her heart hammering in her head, but Bella still couldn't say the words that would change the battlefield of this war. She couldn't, wouldn't lie again to the man who gave her so much kindness, security, and love.

"Laurent, I… I'm so sorry," Bella pleaded in a strained, tiny voice. "So sorry for so much. I never meant to hurt you."

"You didn't answer me. Tell me the truth, from your own mouth. Honor the life we once had by not lying to me anymore." Laurent's steely gaze cut her down to the bone. Edward silently came up stand behind him, his stare strangely flat.

"I never left her." Edward's voice was hollow like his eyes. He stared right through her like she wasn't there. This wasn't his Bella; she was a stranger, just like his son. In his heart, he knew he broke the spirit of a girl he loved; this woman before him was someone else. "It was always my fault she ran. If I didn't crush her with my stupidity…" Edward swayed slightly as he internally crumbled; he had no fight left in him.

Bella gaped at Edward, stunned. Alice came up behind her brother, bracing him before he collapsed. Jacob came up next to Edward and helped guide him to a chair. Alice and Jacob tenderly placed him into the arms of his parents, and then looked back at her with sorrow and regret. This act of kindness for Edward by her best friends burned her with shame. She was not exempt from cosmic justice just because Edward broke her heart first. He didn't lie to her, didn't keep her child hidden away from her; she did this.

"I lost so much, lost too much then. I was afraid you would take him away, my baby. He is my reason for living." Bella's voice was brittle as she wrapped her arms around herself, rocking back and forth. "I had to keep him away, because he is all I have left of…"

Bella cracked, collapsing onto her knees and crying. Laurent slowly came before her and pulled her into his arms. He held her tight, crushing her into him. She opened her eyes and met the gaze of the whole Cullen family. Each gazed at her with disbelief and hurt. Esme seemed especially tortured.

"How could you think we would take your baby, Bella?" Esme asked through her tears. "How could you believe we would ever do anything to hurt you?" She didn't wait for an answer before crying in earnest. Carlisle pulled his wife closer to him, whispering softly to her, trying to soothe her.

Bella flinched, squeezed her eyes shut. She had no more words for this heartbreak. No amount of apologizing would make this pain stop. Never in her life did she ever feel as bad as she did now, not even when Edward broke her heart so long ago. She kept Jake from knowing his amazing grandparents, aunts and uncles; she kept him from knowing his real father, knowing that he was truly wanted by the Cullens. She let him wonder about his father, letting him draw conclusions that led to this day. Bella gave Jake father figures growing up, trying to ignore the slice of doubt in her heart about the man who gave him life. In the stark light of this epiphany, she knew she was not as blameless for this day. Yes, Edward hurt her, but she hurt both their families by cutting them off at the knees. She cut them out of her son's life.

"I never would've tried to take him away from you! I would've done whatever you wanted. Anything to show how much I love him..." Edward's voice was hoarse, but fierce. "I would gladly trade places with him now, do anything for him, Bella. Did you really think I would tear him away from you, caused you that pain when I already hurt you?" Bella was angry again that she had to defend herself.

"Deny him to me, that I understand. I can't change the monster I am. But, you denied him his whole family, a family willing to move mountains for you and for him. Did you really think so little of us that we'd poison him against you?"

"Don't try to make me feel bad for trying to keep myself alive, Edward! Jake is the most important person in my universe, and I made a life for him the best way I could! I was not about to take my chances that he'd get hurt by…" Bella didn't want to speak the name of his wife and other child. "Do I have regrets; yes, I do! But, you made it VERY clear where your heart was almost sixteen years ago, and it wasn't with us! I made a choice long ago to save him the heartache of being unwanted, the illegitimate son, and gave him a father who loves him!" Those words tasted like poison, so bitter and toxic.

Suddenly striding several steps toward her, Edward was suddenly standing in Bella's face.

"Get this clear in your head because I'll only say this once: He was never unwanted or unloved by anyone!" Edward turned away, heading back into the ICU. "Now, I'm going to spend some time with my son."

Xx-xX

Lauren sat quietly watching over her patient from the nurse's station. Jane had allowed the Cullen family an exception to the rule regarding visitors. Jane had always liked Carlisle, and as a professional courtesy, allowed his grandson a few visitors at a time as long as they didn't interfere with the nurse's duties or cause any more trouble. Agreeable to Jane's terms, Bella acquiesced to allowing the Cullens to spend time with Jake. Esme, Carlisle, and Jacob all spent a few minutes with Jake before their own emotions overwhelmed them and they had to step out. The next to visitors were Jasper, Alice and Lily. Alice and Jasper allowed Lily to stay longer, seeing how he soothed her emotions, giving her some relief after hours of blinding pain.

Lily Whitlock sat beside Jake holding his hand while she rested her head on the edge of his bed. Edward leaned back in his chair watched them from across Jake's bed. The sound of the ventilator kept a slow cadence, hissing lightly as the other monitors beeped softly in sync.

Bandages, scrapes and bruises covered Jake's face, and a few tubes were sticking out from his mouth and nose. Edward stared at his son, visually tracing the planes of his jaw, his nose, the set of his eyes, the flecks of copper in his dark hair. As Lily stroked Jake's palm with her thumb, Edward gazed down the length of his arms and legs under the sheet. Jake was as tall as he was. Edward could see himself in Jake; the resemblance was remarkable. In his brief memory of their volatile meeting, Edward saw how much Bella was a part of him. He remembered Jake's face full of emotion, how full of love for his mom he was, and saw Bella's tenderness in him when he touched her. It was hard to believe so much could change in a day. He was a father now, and wanted desperately to know his son. Everything else paled in comparison to this new desire. Even if Jake hated him, Edward would support his son.

Edward's eyes shifted to Bella. The power of their connection pierced them both, pulling down deep into old scars and fresh wounds. They looked toward Lily and Jake, feeling the bud of something similar weave them together. It was powerful and permanent. Bella felt her tears building as she felt the purity of Lily's heart pouring into her son. Still feeling the sting of their words, Bella tried not to dwell too long on Edward's presence; it hurt too much in too many ways to count. They wounded each other in their tirades, cutting each other down with their personal demons.

Edward's worn face caught Bella's teary eye once more, and both their faces asked the same question. In mutual pain, they both asked the other silently the same question:

Why? Why do we have to hurt this way?

Unable to find the answers, they turned back to Jake, watching him fight for his life.


End file.
